Columbus day was yesterday, and though I wanted to post these thoughts yesterday I as busy working, writing, and watching television to get it done. I haven't really been able to focus, but I'll get to that in a bit. First Christopher Columbus.
In the New York Times there was this whole article about where Columbus was from. There is a debate (apparently) as to Columbus's true origins. Whether he was a poor boy from Genoa, or the illegitimate son of Portuguese Royalty, or Catalonian, or a Crypto-Jew hiding from the inquisition, or some other theory that I can't recall at the moment. The Italians claim he is Italian (which is why Columbus day is a big deal for Italian-American communities), the Portuguese claim he is Portuguese, and so forth. Everyone wants to claim him for their own. To which I say, why? What is the point in claiming this man, the last man to discover the "new world," as their own. What does it give them in return? Bragging rights, even though (save the Spanish) if he had stayed in any of his purported homelands, he wouldn't have ever sailed. What sort of bragging right is that? I guess the Spanish have something, that they allowed him to sail, but that is true whether he is native to Spain or not, so why does it matter if he was from Catalonia, or Majorica (an island of the coast of Spain, which I think is another place some historians claim he was from)? And the Jewish thing isn't very credible, in my opinion, and even if he was Jewish, it doesn't help us or anything, especially as part of his argument to travel was to spread the faith in Christ. Not a particularly Jewish thing to do.
And for the record, Columbus was the last person ever to discover America. I'm pretty sure it was found first by the Native peoples who migrated during the ice age (and as far as I'm concerned, if your people have been in the same place since the ice age, that's about as native as anyone in the world can claim to be). Then the Vikings came to North America around 1000 A.D. And last but not least we can't forget (though hotly disputed) the Chinese discovery of the new world about seventy years before Columbus set sail.
But I guess if one is native, a Nordic heathen, or Asian, then the discovery doesn't count. Only European Christians ever discovered anything.
Granted, Columbus did set off the first wave of colonialism in the new world which would eventually lead to other European nations coming over, giving us the country we know and love today. So on that note he is important. But I don't remember ever learning that in school as to why we celebrate Columbus day, it's always because he discovered America. I don't mind celebrating, I just wish we were more honest about his historical importance in the celebration.
But don't mind me, I'm just bitter for unrelated reasons, which I'm still not ready to get into yet.
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
On the other hand, life might suck
Though this time for completely different reasons than why it might not.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Life might not totally suck
For various reasons that I'll mention if it turns out life doesn't suck. If life does suck then we already know why.
Also, please check out my pal's Charlie's blog. She's a hundred times better at this than I am, also more interesting and smarter. (The fact that she's a far superior writer also helps).
I'll hyperlink it here, when I'm less lazy, but for know it's already linked on the side column where I have all my blog links. Enjoy you crazy readers.
Also, please check out my pal's Charlie's blog. She's a hundred times better at this than I am, also more interesting and smarter. (The fact that she's a far superior writer also helps).
I'll hyperlink it here, when I'm less lazy, but for know it's already linked on the side column where I have all my blog links. Enjoy you crazy readers.
Labels:
Blogger buddies,
Links,
Old Friends,
writing
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
when good ideas go bad
Just to put it out there, I am not a Christian. This is not a remark that is meant to infer judgment. I am not a Christian in the way you hear many secular people claim that though they were raised Cathotolic, Protestant, Evangelical, ect. they no longer believe, say they are not Christians. I am Jewish. But I live in a nation of Christians. This is not to say that America is a Christian Nation. I don't believe that it is. But it would be foolish to say that this country doesn't have a Christian majority. That it's founders were, if not strictly Christian (as many like to call them deists), coming from a Christian heritage in Europe, and had a decidedly Christian view on life. Granted they were also given the foresight, that though there was a Christian majority, we would be given a secular government to ensure the rights of all citizens regardless of religious or ethnic back ground. And to any one out there would claims this isn't really a nation of Christians, ask yourself why we get Christmas vacation but not Passover, Diwali, or Ramadan vacations? Even if you want to call it winter break, it still is set up to coincide with Christmas. So semantics aside, America is, was, and probably always will be set up and run with a Christian ideology (not Judeo-Christian as people like to say, if it really were Judeo-Christian then eating pork would be just as hotly contested as abortion - well that's a stretch, but you understand what I mean).
So it hurts a little bit when I hear about Christian groups complaining about the lack of Christian values in this country. It takes supreme hubris (and a Rumsfeldian sized disconnect with reality) to make such claims and act the victim.
Recently on CNN Christiane Amanpour had a three day special about God's Warriors and if you really want to learn more about it, click the link. Personally I don't think it was that good of a documentary series as it pulls a false analogy between Jews and Christians with religious ferver, to Jihadists who actively train and then follow through with murder. But I'm not going to get into that right now. You can follow the link and make up your own mind.
In this documentary, for God's Christian warriors they follow (among others) a group called BattleCry. to learn more about the organization I give you this and this and then look the rest up yourself (fine I'll help). I also had an interesting conversation with two friends down in Atlanta about BattleCry, and why it scares us as people.
But where am I really going with this you ask? Well I'm glad you did. I went to the Battlecry website and I read their teen bill of rights. And for your reading pleasure I give it to you here.
We, a new generation of young Americans, in order to protect the heritage of our forefathers and secure the blessings of liberty for ourselves and generations to come, do affirm and pledge this declaration:
When character and morality are uncommon qualities,
When corporations and marketers seek to profit from our destruction,
When pop culture icons do not represent our values,
When Judeo-Christian beliefs are labeled as intolerant,
When activists seek to remove God from our schools,
When truth is deemed relative and unknowable,
It is necessary for us, the emerging generation of young Americans, to stand for what is right and reclaim the values that have made our nation great. We call our nation to a higher standard, a lifestyle based
not on convenience, but on character,
not on what is easy, but on what is excellent,
not on what feels good, but on what is good,
not on popularity, but on principle,
not on what is tempting, but on what is true.
We, as young Americans, assert our right to determine our future and the future of our great nation. We hold these truths as our God-given rights, and we embrace them with our hearts and our lives:
We recognize that God, our Creator, is the source of all truth.
We will live with honor, always striving to do the right thing, even when it is unpopular. We will be honest and truthful in matters large and small, regardless of the consequences.
We will take responsibility for our actions, and not point to governments, schools, celebrities, parents, or friends to justify our wrong decisions.
We recognize that we are responsible for our mistakes. We will pursue purity throughout our lives.
We will not be seduced by a fabricated idea of sex and love.
We will save our bodies and hearts for our future spouses, and once married we commit to pursue faithful and enduring relationships.
We will see through the lies of drugs and alcohol and refuse to let any chemical influence our thinking or destroy our lives.
We will respect the authorities placed in our lives, even though some may not live as honorably as they should.
We will honor our parents, teachers, and other leaders.
We will reach out with compassion to the hurting and less fortunate, both in our society and around the world.
We refuse to be absorbed with our own comforts and desires.
We recognize the value of each life, whether born or unborn, and we seek to protect those who are unable to protect themselves.
We will do our best to represent and communicate our Creator to our peers, leaders, and society as a whole.
We will work to see that every person has the opportunity to see and hear about the true nature of our God.
In signing, we commit to pursue a life that exemplifies these standards.
We refuse to sit idly by and witness the destruction of our generation.
With God's help, we envision a bright and prosperous future for the nation we love.
Honestly, even though I'm not Christian, (and I'll let go on my animosity towardst the phrase Judeo-Christian) most of what is in this pledge are actually really nice sentiments. Sure I don't agree with everything in this pledege, but nothing jumps out at me as wrongheaded. Some of it is a bit naive (the bit about abstinence before marriage specifically, and the automatic respect of all authority placed in their lives regardless whether said authorites act with honor or not), but nothing so out there as one would assume based on their rallies and such.
So how does an orginization with a pledge that basically encoureges kids to help other people ("We will reach out with compassion to the hurting and less fortunate, both in our society and around the world.") turn into what they themselves call a militant orginization? It's not called a Battlecry for nothing. How does calling for a war against secularization not contradict with the overt peaceful message in their pledge?
I am just saddened that an idea of peace, and respect, and a desire to share one's belief's (which I am not opposed to, sharing is caring, it's the judging that comes along with it that I don't care for) turn into a fountain of distrust and even hate.
So it hurts a little bit when I hear about Christian groups complaining about the lack of Christian values in this country. It takes supreme hubris (and a Rumsfeldian sized disconnect with reality) to make such claims and act the victim.
Recently on CNN Christiane Amanpour had a three day special about God's Warriors and if you really want to learn more about it, click the link. Personally I don't think it was that good of a documentary series as it pulls a false analogy between Jews and Christians with religious ferver, to Jihadists who actively train and then follow through with murder. But I'm not going to get into that right now. You can follow the link and make up your own mind.
In this documentary, for God's Christian warriors they follow (among others) a group called BattleCry. to learn more about the organization I give you this and this and then look the rest up yourself (fine I'll help). I also had an interesting conversation with two friends down in Atlanta about BattleCry, and why it scares us as people.
But where am I really going with this you ask? Well I'm glad you did. I went to the Battlecry website and I read their teen bill of rights. And for your reading pleasure I give it to you here.
We, a new generation of young Americans, in order to protect the heritage of our forefathers and secure the blessings of liberty for ourselves and generations to come, do affirm and pledge this declaration:
When character and morality are uncommon qualities,
When corporations and marketers seek to profit from our destruction,
When pop culture icons do not represent our values,
When Judeo-Christian beliefs are labeled as intolerant,
When activists seek to remove God from our schools,
When truth is deemed relative and unknowable,
It is necessary for us, the emerging generation of young Americans, to stand for what is right and reclaim the values that have made our nation great. We call our nation to a higher standard, a lifestyle based
not on convenience, but on character,
not on what is easy, but on what is excellent,
not on what feels good, but on what is good,
not on popularity, but on principle,
not on what is tempting, but on what is true.
We, as young Americans, assert our right to determine our future and the future of our great nation. We hold these truths as our God-given rights, and we embrace them with our hearts and our lives:
We recognize that God, our Creator, is the source of all truth.
We will live with honor, always striving to do the right thing, even when it is unpopular. We will be honest and truthful in matters large and small, regardless of the consequences.
We will take responsibility for our actions, and not point to governments, schools, celebrities, parents, or friends to justify our wrong decisions.
We recognize that we are responsible for our mistakes. We will pursue purity throughout our lives.
We will not be seduced by a fabricated idea of sex and love.
We will save our bodies and hearts for our future spouses, and once married we commit to pursue faithful and enduring relationships.
We will see through the lies of drugs and alcohol and refuse to let any chemical influence our thinking or destroy our lives.
We will respect the authorities placed in our lives, even though some may not live as honorably as they should.
We will honor our parents, teachers, and other leaders.
We will reach out with compassion to the hurting and less fortunate, both in our society and around the world.
We refuse to be absorbed with our own comforts and desires.
We recognize the value of each life, whether born or unborn, and we seek to protect those who are unable to protect themselves.
We will do our best to represent and communicate our Creator to our peers, leaders, and society as a whole.
We will work to see that every person has the opportunity to see and hear about the true nature of our God.
In signing, we commit to pursue a life that exemplifies these standards.
We refuse to sit idly by and witness the destruction of our generation.
With God's help, we envision a bright and prosperous future for the nation we love.
Honestly, even though I'm not Christian, (and I'll let go on my animosity towardst the phrase Judeo-Christian) most of what is in this pledge are actually really nice sentiments. Sure I don't agree with everything in this pledege, but nothing jumps out at me as wrongheaded. Some of it is a bit naive (the bit about abstinence before marriage specifically, and the automatic respect of all authority placed in their lives regardless whether said authorites act with honor or not), but nothing so out there as one would assume based on their rallies and such.
So how does an orginization with a pledge that basically encoureges kids to help other people ("We will reach out with compassion to the hurting and less fortunate, both in our society and around the world.") turn into what they themselves call a militant orginization? It's not called a Battlecry for nothing. How does calling for a war against secularization not contradict with the overt peaceful message in their pledge?
I am just saddened that an idea of peace, and respect, and a desire to share one's belief's (which I am not opposed to, sharing is caring, it's the judging that comes along with it that I don't care for) turn into a fountain of distrust and even hate.
Friday, August 03, 2007
Why so glum chum?
I was going to post a bit about my evening this past Wenesday. Well, I was thinking about it anyway. It's been a bit hectic as my schedule for the past two days have been three parts work to a half a part sleep and a half a part eat. It's been exhasting. Never the less it was an interesing evening.
But lo, to my surprise J_ with her first real food blogging, has beaten me to the punch. If you'd like to see what happened and learn about cool food in NYC please go to her blog.
Also, I promise that this won't become just a contant plug to hers, but I'm still pretty psyched for her and her much better writing (well, much better than mine anyway). Next posting will sure to be as narcissitic as always. Don't you fret.
But lo, to my surprise J_ with her first real food blogging, has beaten me to the punch. If you'd like to see what happened and learn about cool food in NYC please go to her blog.
Also, I promise that this won't become just a contant plug to hers, but I'm still pretty psyched for her and her much better writing (well, much better than mine anyway). Next posting will sure to be as narcissitic as always. Don't you fret.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
food glorious food
To be honest, I have more of a "eat to live" person as opposed to a "live to eat" kind of guy. To that end, I don't pay much attention to the food I eat, what kind of food to make, or where I might go and eat. Luckily for me J_ is a foodie. She is definitely a "live to eat" sort of a gal - which makes her svelte figure that much more impressive.
Now, luckily for all of you, she has started a food blog Slottedspoon.blogsome.com. I'm adding it to my links on the side, and you should check it out, then tell your friends and have them check it out, and tell your friends to tell their friends to check it out,and so on and so forth ad nauseum.
Hooray for J_ and for food!
Now, luckily for all of you, she has started a food blog Slottedspoon.blogsome.com. I'm adding it to my links on the side, and you should check it out, then tell your friends and have them check it out, and tell your friends to tell their friends to check it out,and so on and so forth ad nauseum.
Hooray for J_ and for food!
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
hello cold and uncaring world
Two bits of news. First, I turned Twenty-seven this past Sunday. Hooray! I now officially feel old. not that twenty-seven is really that old, but it just means teh peak of my childhood and mistakes of my early twenties are officially behind me and I really have to grow up fast so I don't turn into the pathetic waste that I feel myself becoming and enter my thirties like this. But as Groucho Marx liked to say, "You're only as old as the woman you feel."
Second, I've updated my links a bit and after taking down some old links, I've added a new web comic to the list of web comics I read. I'd reccommend checking it out. What have you got to lose, except time? (And frankly, if you've stopped to read my blog I assume that you have plenty to spare).
If you're too lazy to scroll down to find the link, I give it to you here, but only because I love you.
Second, I've updated my links a bit and after taking down some old links, I've added a new web comic to the list of web comics I read. I'd reccommend checking it out. What have you got to lose, except time? (And frankly, if you've stopped to read my blog I assume that you have plenty to spare).
If you're too lazy to scroll down to find the link, I give it to you here, but only because I love you.
Monday, July 02, 2007
I'm totally freaking out!
I can't explain, but perhaps one day, when i'm no longer panicing, I'll let you all (i.e. the internet) in on the joke.
Note, 7:45pm: Never mind. All is good. I am not freaking out. That was only a test. If it was a real emergency, my head would have exploded.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Five books you should read if you want to sound smart about stuff
This is not a meme. This is just a short list I've compiled for anyone out there interested in appearing smart without having to carry around that damn Socrates book around with you every where you go.
Now you'll actually be able to engage in all sorts of conversations that have nothing to do with your hair or your blog.
Also, they are fun to read so enjoy.
The Omnivore's Dillema
By Michael Pollen

Everything you'll need to know about America's modern food production, from the industrial food chain, to organics, to hunting and gathering the food yourself. Not only informative, this will change the way you think about food.
Who Wrote The Bible
by Richard Elliot Freidman

This is not a religious book. I mean it is, but it's not advocating a religion. It is simply a smart, concise, and very accessable (even to those who might never have read the bible) explanation of the Documentary hypothisis. That is the idea (theory/belief/hypothosis) that the bible was written by many people over many, many years. It is not a repudiation of the bible, or belief's held therein. This isn't meant to disuade you from being religious, nor is it meant to make you religious. Just very interesting information.
1421
by Gavin Menzies

The Chinese discovered the world about seventy years before Columbus even set sail. Though this theory isn't quite recognized by Western academics, it is a pretty solid held belief in Asia. Believe it, don't believe it, either way, you'll learn the world has a lot more craziness in it than you previously were led to believe.
Longitude
by: Dava Sobel

A short history as to how Longitude was invented, and the little guy who did it who never got any credit. More British history than anything else. And if you like this book, for extra credit I'd check out Dava Sobel's other non-fictions.
The Radioactive Boyscout
by Ken Silverstein

A crazy true story about a boy, his disfuntional family, his love of nuclear power, and how he almost created a nuclear disaster in his own back yard. Learning about nuclear science and how to build a nuclear reactor in your own back yard with common household items was never this much fun.
There you go. Now you'll have things to talk about during your next boring cocktail party. And You're Welcome
Now you'll actually be able to engage in all sorts of conversations that have nothing to do with your hair or your blog.
Also, they are fun to read so enjoy.
The Omnivore's Dillema
By Michael Pollen
Everything you'll need to know about America's modern food production, from the industrial food chain, to organics, to hunting and gathering the food yourself. Not only informative, this will change the way you think about food.
Who Wrote The Bible
by Richard Elliot Freidman
This is not a religious book. I mean it is, but it's not advocating a religion. It is simply a smart, concise, and very accessable (even to those who might never have read the bible) explanation of the Documentary hypothisis. That is the idea (theory/belief/hypothosis) that the bible was written by many people over many, many years. It is not a repudiation of the bible, or belief's held therein. This isn't meant to disuade you from being religious, nor is it meant to make you religious. Just very interesting information.
1421
by Gavin Menzies
The Chinese discovered the world about seventy years before Columbus even set sail. Though this theory isn't quite recognized by Western academics, it is a pretty solid held belief in Asia. Believe it, don't believe it, either way, you'll learn the world has a lot more craziness in it than you previously were led to believe.
Longitude
by: Dava Sobel
A short history as to how Longitude was invented, and the little guy who did it who never got any credit. More British history than anything else. And if you like this book, for extra credit I'd check out Dava Sobel's other non-fictions.
The Radioactive Boyscout
by Ken Silverstein
A crazy true story about a boy, his disfuntional family, his love of nuclear power, and how he almost created a nuclear disaster in his own back yard. Learning about nuclear science and how to build a nuclear reactor in your own back yard with common household items was never this much fun.
There you go. Now you'll have things to talk about during your next boring cocktail party. And You're Welcome
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Of course it's never as bad as it's imagined
Spoke to my folks about J_. Like I predicted they aren't happy, but unlike I feared, they are much more accepting and polite about the relationship. They aren't accepting in they way that they are supportive, but they aren't blowing up about the whole thing. It was a calm talk where they both were more angry about the lying than the relationship itself - well, sorta. Of course the lying was going to be the issue, I knew that, and we dealt with it like mature people. My father is, well, to put it nicely, displeased about as much in the relationship as he was with the lying. To his credit he's refrained from preaching to me about inter-dating, and now asks about J_ in a sincere manner (because he is sincere). My mother, contrary to any comments Jason might have made last post, is at least feigning supportiviness. She isn't doing it very well, but she's trying which is very nice, and more than I feel I deserve after lying to them for so long (though I really only feel guilty for getting caught since I was planning on telling them just not yet, as if the situation happened all over again I'd still probably do the same thing - does that make me a bad person?). They've also said that they want to invite J_ over for a friday night dinner this summer. Friday Night is a thing. It's the Sabbath Meal. My pops being a rabbi this is a proper (though not at all formal) family meal. We all sit down together, eat a big meal, and do the appropriate rituals one is supposed to do for the sabbath meal. It's not a huge deal to invite J_ to friday night, but it's a much bigger deal to invite her for Friday over any of the other nights of the week.
So, my thoughts currently. I was taking to a freind about the relationship, and the folks, on both sides. On J_'s side, her brother doesn't like me much, but mostly due to the age gap. And I can respect that, even if I don't like that he doesn't like me. Her mom doens't like me because I'm "too small and I have bad vibes." Not an exact quote, but that is how I've been informed that she doesn't like me (at least that's how J_ put it). I have a harder time respecting this, only because it's a bit vague and I think is just masking other prejudices that she isn't going into, or at least that J_ isnt' telling me. But I respect her Mom, because she's her Mom, and if we ever talk I think I can win her over - someday. Regardless, in her family I'm the negative aspect in the disaproval.
In my family, my siblings have no problems with J_, at least not that they have told me. They are neutral, mostly because they haven't really hung out with her. Asaf, who I think might have spoken to her the most seems to like her. My folks don't approve of the relationship because she isn't Jewish. But they don't hold that against her. It's me they disaprove of because I'm dating a non-jew. The Non-Jew in question; once they meet her they'll probably really like her. So once again, though this time in my family, I'm the negative aspect in the disaproval.
Not very cool.
But what can you do?
So, my thoughts currently. I was taking to a freind about the relationship, and the folks, on both sides. On J_'s side, her brother doesn't like me much, but mostly due to the age gap. And I can respect that, even if I don't like that he doesn't like me. Her mom doens't like me because I'm "too small and I have bad vibes." Not an exact quote, but that is how I've been informed that she doesn't like me (at least that's how J_ put it). I have a harder time respecting this, only because it's a bit vague and I think is just masking other prejudices that she isn't going into, or at least that J_ isnt' telling me. But I respect her Mom, because she's her Mom, and if we ever talk I think I can win her over - someday. Regardless, in her family I'm the negative aspect in the disaproval.
In my family, my siblings have no problems with J_, at least not that they have told me. They are neutral, mostly because they haven't really hung out with her. Asaf, who I think might have spoken to her the most seems to like her. My folks don't approve of the relationship because she isn't Jewish. But they don't hold that against her. It's me they disaprove of because I'm dating a non-jew. The Non-Jew in question; once they meet her they'll probably really like her. So once again, though this time in my family, I'm the negative aspect in the disaproval.
Not very cool.
But what can you do?
Monday, April 23, 2007
like a pretzel twisting itself into more knots
I got sun bunred yesterday. All along my arms. It really sucks. It made sleeping difficult becuase everytime I'd move and and anything would rub up against them it'd hurt.
But that's really not the big deal. I've kinda, sorta, a little bit, been lying to my folks about J_. And by kinda, Sorta, A little bit, I mean I have most definately been lying to my parents. I've been living at home for far too long (can't seem to get a job - which is a whole other rant) and am forced to tell my folks of my comings and goings. Not so much because they are really strict or anything, just that in the course of a conversation they'd ask, "where are you going?" But only if I was going somewhere.
I haven't told them about J_ because I didn't want the tsuris (the headache) of explaining to my parents (one a rabbi, the other a jewish educator) that I was dating a non-Jew (J_ is chinese, and mildly a buddist). They are pretty much on my case about, well the rest of my life, and this was just one more thing I didn't want to have to deal with. The plan, at least in my head, was that I'd tell them if it got serious enough beteen me and J_ (which it kinda has) and once I did get a Real Job. That way, there would be less to nag me about, and I'd be able to move out of the house. It was going to be on my terms, in my somewhat passive aggressive sort of way. Sure it wasn't the best plan, but it was a plan that made me feel better about lying to my parents (which I've been feeling guilty of for almost as long as I've been lying).
I'm up in Syracuse right now where I stayed with J_ for the weekend. My mom called. Amtrak called my house - because I gave them my home number when I reserved my ticket back - and told them that my train from Syracuse was going to be an hour and a half late. So my mom calls me and says, "You lied to us." Which is possibly the worst way to wake up ever. I told them I was going to see freinds in Boston this weekend. Then she gave me the train info and the number who to call. She was very pleasant over the phone, didn't even sound angry, which to be honest, makes me feel even worse.
So that cat is mostly out of the bag. And not only do I feel like a heel for lying for so long (I mean i felt like a heel while I lied, it's just worse that my lie was forced into the open instead of me taking charge and doing it myself) - well, I don't have a second thing. Now my life is going to get both easier and harder.
The worst part is, and it's something I deserve, and something that mekes me feel like I'm in high school all over again, they won't be able to trust me when I tell them anything in regards to my comings and goings, which is in turn going to make living at home hard for all of us.
Guilt and anxiety suck.
But that's really not the big deal. I've kinda, sorta, a little bit, been lying to my folks about J_. And by kinda, Sorta, A little bit, I mean I have most definately been lying to my parents. I've been living at home for far too long (can't seem to get a job - which is a whole other rant) and am forced to tell my folks of my comings and goings. Not so much because they are really strict or anything, just that in the course of a conversation they'd ask, "where are you going?" But only if I was going somewhere.
I haven't told them about J_ because I didn't want the tsuris (the headache) of explaining to my parents (one a rabbi, the other a jewish educator) that I was dating a non-Jew (J_ is chinese, and mildly a buddist). They are pretty much on my case about, well the rest of my life, and this was just one more thing I didn't want to have to deal with. The plan, at least in my head, was that I'd tell them if it got serious enough beteen me and J_ (which it kinda has) and once I did get a Real Job. That way, there would be less to nag me about, and I'd be able to move out of the house. It was going to be on my terms, in my somewhat passive aggressive sort of way. Sure it wasn't the best plan, but it was a plan that made me feel better about lying to my parents (which I've been feeling guilty of for almost as long as I've been lying).
I'm up in Syracuse right now where I stayed with J_ for the weekend. My mom called. Amtrak called my house - because I gave them my home number when I reserved my ticket back - and told them that my train from Syracuse was going to be an hour and a half late. So my mom calls me and says, "You lied to us." Which is possibly the worst way to wake up ever. I told them I was going to see freinds in Boston this weekend. Then she gave me the train info and the number who to call. She was very pleasant over the phone, didn't even sound angry, which to be honest, makes me feel even worse.
So that cat is mostly out of the bag. And not only do I feel like a heel for lying for so long (I mean i felt like a heel while I lied, it's just worse that my lie was forced into the open instead of me taking charge and doing it myself) - well, I don't have a second thing. Now my life is going to get both easier and harder.
The worst part is, and it's something I deserve, and something that mekes me feel like I'm in high school all over again, they won't be able to trust me when I tell them anything in regards to my comings and goings, which is in turn going to make living at home hard for all of us.
Guilt and anxiety suck.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Apathy is the best part of me (but only 'cause it rhymes)
Because nothing on the internet (or interwub as Jeffrey Rowling likes to say) is really new, I can't imagine anyone finding this through me, but just in case.
Go here, watch, laugh, cry.
Or don't. Whatever, it's up to you.
Go here, watch, laugh, cry.
Or don't. Whatever, it's up to you.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
On the state of my thoughts
There was a job I wanted. I didn't get it. It kinda sucks. This is a pretty boring entry, but I still don't know what I really want this blog to be about. It may just turn back into what it was before, but I almost feel like that would be counter productive. Either way, I'm thinking about turning comments off, because as it stands I only have one reader left after my haitus (Hi Rawbean).
So if I'm doing this for me (and why would I be doing this for me on the internet? if it's just for me shouldn't it be completely private?) why do I need comments in the first place?
Decent questions, perhaps I'll come up with some answers.
Probably not though.
So if I'm doing this for me (and why would I be doing this for me on the internet? if it's just for me shouldn't it be completely private?) why do I need comments in the first place?
Decent questions, perhaps I'll come up with some answers.
Probably not though.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
giving this a shot
I've been absent. I realized the that I didn't have much to say, and I don't know if I really want to continue blogging at all, though I figure I'll give this a bit of a go; but I think changes are in store.
I just don't know what they are yet.
I just don't know what they are yet.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Grumpy McGrumperson
I can't write. I've stared at this blank space for almost a half an hour trying to come up with a good start and have come up with nothing. I hate my writing. I read it and its so awful it makes me gag. I'm not speaking specifically about my blog, just of my writing in general. I hate it. I really do. I find it trite, cliche, and above all else, extremly superficial. And not in a good Andy Warhol, Jasper Johns "clever" superficiality sort of way - just devoid of meaning or real interesting content (which you might feel about Warhol and Johns to begin with, but still, you get my point).
The whole kit and kaboodle, it really sickens me that I could have once thought it any good. The by product of this distaste with my work (which creeps up every six months or so) is utter self-loathing that I've wasted so much of my time on this garbage. And it isn't just any self-loathing, it's the worst kind: the pitying, self-indulgent, needy, annoying, self-loathing.
Anyway, it's all garbage, and I can't get anything out right. Even now, as I type I want to go back and rewrite this post, only I know that it won't be any better, no matter how hard I try.
So boo this, I'm done until I'm not.
The whole kit and kaboodle, it really sickens me that I could have once thought it any good. The by product of this distaste with my work (which creeps up every six months or so) is utter self-loathing that I've wasted so much of my time on this garbage. And it isn't just any self-loathing, it's the worst kind: the pitying, self-indulgent, needy, annoying, self-loathing.
Anyway, it's all garbage, and I can't get anything out right. Even now, as I type I want to go back and rewrite this post, only I know that it won't be any better, no matter how hard I try.
So boo this, I'm done until I'm not.
Friday, February 02, 2007
Stinktastic
I am the epitome of lame. I've been home for four days after visiting Syracuse (which was freaking freezing) and I just now started doing my laundry. Why the wait, you may ask. Was it laziness (well, yes... but that's not the answer I'm really going for right now so I'm gonna say:)? No. Was it because my clothes smelled like J_ after absorbing the general smell from being in her room for five days, and I didn't want to wash it off? Yes.
I'm so freaking lame I hate myself right now.
Carry on then, nothing more to see here... not even any dignity.
I'm so freaking lame I hate myself right now.
Carry on then, nothing more to see here... not even any dignity.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Because you all really care what I think about trivial stuff (aka really lame post)
So maybe you don't really care what I think about trivial stuff. I don't know, but I haven't written in a while, and as I still have little to write about - by this of course I mean I have little I feel motivated about which to write - I shall now, in order to make this sentance ridiculously long, give you my thoughts on stuff; Hooray Stuff!
It's J_'s birthday on Thursday and I'm am bussing up to see her. I'm actually pretty excited about this, but at the same time a bit nervous as I have yet to buy her a birthday present (J_ if you are reading this, which I know you do sometimes, this is a lie, and I totally already bought a gift that I put a lot of forsight into, and you can skip to the next paragraph). I was gonna get her a Hamsa Necklace from here but the only ones I really liked (and can afford) are yellow gold and J_ doesn't really like yellow gold - and I also decided I didn't really want to go with Jewlery, so now I don't know and am running out of time.
I'm thinking of getting new glasses.
I don't like non-dairy cheese. Philisophically I have nothing against it, I just don't like it.
My script on Triggerstreet has been nominated to be script of the month of Janurary. There are two other scripts in the running. I'd like to be proud of this, but really I've read past scripts that have won and let me tell you, it's not such an honor. It's fun to say, but ultimately meaningless. It doesn't so much tell me that I'm good, just that I don't suck as much as everyone else on the site - which I guess is something.
And there you go, a post for the sake of posting. Hopefully next time I'll have something interesting to write about.
It's J_'s birthday on Thursday and I'm am bussing up to see her. I'm actually pretty excited about this, but at the same time a bit nervous as I have yet to buy her a birthday present (J_ if you are reading this, which I know you do sometimes, this is a lie, and I totally already bought a gift that I put a lot of forsight into, and you can skip to the next paragraph). I was gonna get her a Hamsa Necklace from here but the only ones I really liked (and can afford) are yellow gold and J_ doesn't really like yellow gold - and I also decided I didn't really want to go with Jewlery, so now I don't know and am running out of time.
I'm thinking of getting new glasses.
I don't like non-dairy cheese. Philisophically I have nothing against it, I just don't like it.
My script on Triggerstreet has been nominated to be script of the month of Janurary. There are two other scripts in the running. I'd like to be proud of this, but really I've read past scripts that have won and let me tell you, it's not such an honor. It's fun to say, but ultimately meaningless. It doesn't so much tell me that I'm good, just that I don't suck as much as everyone else on the site - which I guess is something.
And there you go, a post for the sake of posting. Hopefully next time I'll have something interesting to write about.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Villany is wrong
I urge everyone in this great nation of ours (well, the world too I guess, but really I'm currently just concerned with the US of A at the moment) to stop doing evil. To stop comitting crimes.
The simple reason, it's not because of any moral, ethical, or religious imperitive; or even for some altruistic, "let's make this world a better place" nonsense. That's a suckers game. Simply put: I hate jury duty. And for my sake, so I never have to sit through another ridiculously long and boring day down at the court building, stop comitting crimes and getting into accidents. People out there who do bad deeds, get into car accidents, sue because you spilled coffee on yourselves, whatever, I really don't care what it is specifically, just stop doing it!
I've had jury duty before in Massachusetts, but apparenly in New York being called to Jury duty means you become five years old once again. Not only are the same things explained over and over again, in a tremendously condescending tone - nearly ad nauseum - explaining what we are supposed to do, why jury duty is important, how we should do what we should do, when to eat, when to go to the bathroom, where to go, and what we are supposed to do when we get there - but it seems that mentally the potential jurors regress to a five year old mentality. Not only do they ask a continuous stream of the same questions over and over about the dumbed down instructions ("go to room 384". "raise your hand if I call your name", "Don't raise your hand if I call someone else's name", "Jury duty is important for freedom/justice/the american way") but they whine constantly. Oh my god the whining. Suck it up people. If you have to be there, try not to make it umbearable for everyone else.
The simple reason, it's not because of any moral, ethical, or religious imperitive; or even for some altruistic, "let's make this world a better place" nonsense. That's a suckers game. Simply put: I hate jury duty. And for my sake, so I never have to sit through another ridiculously long and boring day down at the court building, stop comitting crimes and getting into accidents. People out there who do bad deeds, get into car accidents, sue because you spilled coffee on yourselves, whatever, I really don't care what it is specifically, just stop doing it!
I've had jury duty before in Massachusetts, but apparenly in New York being called to Jury duty means you become five years old once again. Not only are the same things explained over and over again, in a tremendously condescending tone - nearly ad nauseum - explaining what we are supposed to do, why jury duty is important, how we should do what we should do, when to eat, when to go to the bathroom, where to go, and what we are supposed to do when we get there - but it seems that mentally the potential jurors regress to a five year old mentality. Not only do they ask a continuous stream of the same questions over and over about the dumbed down instructions ("go to room 384". "raise your hand if I call your name", "Don't raise your hand if I call someone else's name", "Jury duty is important for freedom/justice/the american way") but they whine constantly. Oh my god the whining. Suck it up people. If you have to be there, try not to make it umbearable for everyone else.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
I'm a noid
This is just a quick angry post. I got in trouble at work today because I did exaclty what my boss asked me to do. It was the wenesday before the office closed for break (the 20th). My boss called as I was walking out the door. I didn't even have to answer the phone, but being the dutiful employee I am, I did. She (having left for vacation already, calling me from CA on her way to Mexico) asked me to send a book to a reader. So quickly I called some readers, found the first one available, and then, ran the book in an envelope to the office mail center for it to be mailed out - just as she requested me to do. I asked how to send it, she said mail it. So I did. I followed the instructions to the letter.
Now the book never arrived on time, and the reader went away for the holiday. Because she asked me to send the book and not a copy of the book as per usual, we don't have the coverage we want, nor do we have the book to send to someone else. So I got the talk about why I mailed it instead of messengered it over, why I didn't find someone else, and so forth, when all I did was do exactly as she asked me too. So now I have to run around town, get the book from one place to another to get another reader, and look stupid to everyone involved - for something that isn't my fault at all.
when it's my fault I can deal with it because lord knows I screw up sometimes (and when I do I admit it). This time though, it wasn't my fault and yet I get the blame anyway.
Life is annoying.
On a plus note, I can't wait until this weekend when I finally get to take a vacation. Albiet only three days in a row, but that's two more days in a row than I've had since I can't remember when. Me and my sweetie in a B&B in Providence, RI. It should be sweet.
Now the book never arrived on time, and the reader went away for the holiday. Because she asked me to send the book and not a copy of the book as per usual, we don't have the coverage we want, nor do we have the book to send to someone else. So I got the talk about why I mailed it instead of messengered it over, why I didn't find someone else, and so forth, when all I did was do exactly as she asked me too. So now I have to run around town, get the book from one place to another to get another reader, and look stupid to everyone involved - for something that isn't my fault at all.
when it's my fault I can deal with it because lord knows I screw up sometimes (and when I do I admit it). This time though, it wasn't my fault and yet I get the blame anyway.
Life is annoying.
On a plus note, I can't wait until this weekend when I finally get to take a vacation. Albiet only three days in a row, but that's two more days in a row than I've had since I can't remember when. Me and my sweetie in a B&B in Providence, RI. It should be sweet.
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