It's a bird, it's a plane, it's a 98 lb. weakling caught in a gentle breeze

I always said I knew I was out of shape. I just don't think I really knew that I was out of shape. One of those, "sure I can't run a marathon, but I'm a pretty healthy guy" sort of out of shape. Turns out, I'm just as out of shape as I said but never really believed I was.

I went to the gym this morning because I thought it would be a good idea and I need something like that in my life right now. I'm not really into free weights or the machines, so I settled on swimming. I almost made nine laps (well, technically if you consider there and back a single lap it was really almost five laps) before my heart was beating so fast I thought it would explode, and there was the serious and realistic fear that I would throw up in the pool. Luckily not only did my heart eventually slow down, but I managed to keep all my insides in.

So I'm going to have to go again, and probably join the gym if I think it's something I could get into. My main problem with working out is that there isn't any stopping point. It's not like, say learning an instrument, where it's hard work for a while, but once you learn it you don't need to take lessons anymore and just play for fun. I can't swim until I'm in shape, and then just stop, because that "in-shapeiness" will disappear. I don't want to be a slave to a gym for the rest of my life.

On a side note, I hate public showers. My father said this is a phobia I have to overcome. It isn't a phobia. I'm not scared of public showers, I can use them (and used one today in fact) I just don't like them. I don't care how often they are cleaned, it isn't solely a cleanliness issue. I like privacy when I shower. I like to absorb the heat, take it in slowly, and relax as I clean. This is very difficult to accomplish when there are a bunch of naked people walking around. I have no problem with the nudity in the locker room, or even being naked in the locker room myself. It's just a shower to me is a very personal thing. Growing up in a family of six with only three bedrooms (well two if you don't count my parents bedroom), doesn't really allow for any private or personal space. The shower was a refuge of privacy one couldn't really find anywhere else in the house. And that is how I still view it. Showering in public is antithetical to my belief's as to how a shower should be.