Questions without answers

I don't support the war in Iraq, but that's old news and that isn't what this post is about. I just wanted to get it out of the way, and give a little background before I charge head first into this rant.

There's been more and more talk about Cindy Sheehan, in the papers, and on the various news programs. Whether she is vilified (say, by Foxnews), put up on a pedestal (MoveOn.org), used as a jumping off point for discussion (Newsweek) or mined for comedy (The Daily Show) no one can seem to shut up about her and her protest down in Texas.

Now whether you agree with her motives or not, you should concede it takes a very strong woman, and strong sense of commitment to do what she is doing. There are those who are denouncing her motives saying she is just using her grief and the death of her son for political gains, but then again many of those same denouncers are the ones who supported Terry Shiavo's parents who used their grief over their daughter for political gains (the denouncers political gains, not the parents). But the left isn't blameless either, just look at the recent attack adds on Judge Roberts NARAL pulled because they were just too damn mean (and by and large, blatantly ignored the facts). Both sides like twisting the truth for their own political gains.

To be honest, I don't really care about all of that. It's back story. Here's my real issue. In her protests Sheehan asked if this war was so important why hasn't he (President Bush) sent his daughters off to Iraq. This question, if you recall, was used by Michael Moore in his documentary Fahrenheit 9/11 as he approached Senators who voted for the war whether they would enlist their children to fight. The point being, if the Senators and President Bush aren't willing to sacrifice their own children it must not be a just war. I find that to be very flawed reasoning for a few reasons. First, I can't think of a single parent who would willingly sacrifice their children's lives for any cause. There are parents who swell with pride when their children choose to join the army, and fight for their country, even with a strong possibility that their children will die fighting. That being said, no parent I know would sign their children up themselves if given the choice.

Which brings me to the second reason. It's not the parents choice. My parents can't sign me up for the military. The only person who can sign me up is me. Even if they wanted me to be a soldier, if I didn't want to be a soldier, there was nothing they could legally do about it. The same is true for the first daughters. Even if President Bush wanted them in the army (which I doubt he does, as Jon Stewart of the Daily show said, "Are you kidding, I thought we wanted to win this war?") with out their consent he couldn't do anything about it, legally. The same applies to the children of Senators, or Congressmen or women. It's the children who have to choose to volunteer, that's why it's called volunteering.

The question "would you send your children to war?" is a divisive one. There is no way one can answer it and look good, sound good, or be righteous. It's asked simply to make the recipient look selfish, greedy, and - for lack of a better word - bad. Bad as in evil, morally repugnant, and hypocritical. These sorts of questions just make protesters on both sides of the aisle less palatable to the other side. They just entrench us in our beliefs that those on the other side are wrong as we think to ourselves: "I mean look at the kind of cheap tricks they pull to get some sympathy." To really spark a helpful debate we need to start asking better questions, not just divisive ones.

I'm a man a head of my times

Holy crap I'm psychic! But of course in the bad sorta way. If only I could predict good things to happen instead of this crap.

As reported in the Denver post:

Officials of the city's system, which this month pulled 6,000 racy Spanish-language picture books from its shelves, are worried that a full review of its 2.5 million books, CDs and videos may follow.

Doomed for all eternity, though I hear there's a starbucks there

Another stupid internet test.

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
You have come to a place mute of all light, where the wind bellows as the sea does in a tempest. This is the realm where the lustful spend eternity. Here, sinners are blown around endlessly by the unforgiving winds of unquenchable desire as punishment for their transgressions. The infernal hurricane that never rests hurtles the spirits onward in its rapine, whirling them round, and smiting, it molests them. You have betrayed reason at the behest of your appetite for pleasure, and so here you are doomed to remain. Cleopatra and Helen of Troy are two that share in your fate.

Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Moderate
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	High
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Very Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Moderate
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Low
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Test

The virtuous non-believer thing makes sense, as I'm, you know, not a Christian. And I'd argue the fradulent bit, though you wouldn't know if was being honest or not. But lustfull? I think that's just a result of not having any sex for over a year. Er, was that too much information?

Crossing my fingers

I just sent my resume and cover letter off to a job I actually want. Wish me luck.

More of the inane

I stepped on my glasses and one of the arms snapped off. They're six years old so it's time for a new pair anyway, I just really liked them. They were one of the few things I owned that was stylish but not trendy or too hip to make them passe after a year or so. Ah, my glasses, I mourn thee.

If you're a guy...

You know your hair is too long if it gets in the way when you try and blow your nose.

this is such a pain in the...

For a while (as in this past month) I've had a pain shooting down the right side of my neck. As the time has passed it's dimmed to a dull throb, or disapears completely letting me forget about it, that is until I tilt my head up. Then the sharp pain kicks into gear. It's one of those things I'd like to think will just go away by itself. I should probably see a doctor, but I am poor and uninsured, so maybe a free clinic. If I was insured I still probably wouldn't see a doctor, because I'm just that sort of idiot.

Take that you hippie freaks!

As someone who has no health insurance I prefer to try and find ways to prevent illness without the use of proper medical advice. Echinacea has always been in my stock of preventative medicines, mostly in tea form for when I get sick. Echinacea and vitamin C (gallons upon gallons of OJ consumed regularly) were my main tools to stay healthy.

Apparently I was wrong. As reported in the New York Times (well really first in the New England medical journal):

Echinacea, the herbal supplement made from purple coneflower and used by millions of Americans to prevent or treat colds, neither prevented colds nor eased cold symptoms in a large and rigorous study.

Stupid hippies with their free love (which arguably is way better than paying for it) and herbal loving remedies. I'll never listen to you guys again. From now on all my medical advice will come from Emo-rockers, certainly they must know where it's at.

Juvenile delinquents

I always feel like such an idiot walking into the library, heading straight for the YA section to read the graphic novels (ie. comic books) I can't afford at the moment. I don't feel like an idiot because I can't afford them, rather that I have to walk into the section filled with 13-16 year olds playing some sort of online computer games, to get my graphic literature. I feels eyes boring into the back of my head as I browse ("look at that dork, still reading comic books").

Yeah, I like comic books, so what?

But shocked me the most is the nature of some of said graphic literature in the YA section. The librarians, who don't read the comics themselves (and I'm not advocating that they should, or that there is anything wrong with not reading comics) assume that if there are pictures it's for kids. This could get a library in serious trouble. Some comics contain images not suitable for young adults (at least by certain adults or parents).

For instance, if Preacher, the award winning series Garth Ennis and Steve Dillon, were made into a movie it would definitely be rated R. Strong religious themes and theological debates arise amidst a sea of sex, nudity, and blood. It is smart, funny, but with out a doubt adult (Adult as in a R rated movie, not a porno). If I had a thirteen year old child I probably wouldn't have a problem having him or her read it, but I know there are parents out there that would forbid it from their house.

And if teenager, or child took out a comic like Preacher from the library, and their parents don't approve of that sort of mature content for said child/teenager it's the comic that gets blamed for the content, not the library for putting it in the wrong section because "comics are for kids."

I know, I know, this is just a hypothetical, but stuff like that happens more often than we think, but mostly to comic shops than libraries (as most people I know aren't even aware libraries carry comics). Check out the comic book legal defense fund for more info.

I'm just sick of the bad rep comics get.

Anyway, rant over. Bah, humbug.

USA, USA!

Lance Armstrong is AMAZING!!

What is your chinese name?

http://www.mandarintools.com/chinesename.html

HIPY PAPY BTHUTHDTH THUTHDA BTHUTHDY

Ok, but at least I can spell Tuesday.

Anyway, as the title suggests, today is my birthday. I'm 25 years old and some odd hours (about 15 and a half). I'm not doing anything special nor am I expecting any presents (my bastard of a best friend already sent me one - which is one more than I really wanted, but honestly I'm glad he sent it to me, it was very nice of him, so thank you Jason). I took the final Sara Vowell book I haven't yet read (Radio On!) out of the library and will content myself to read it out on the porch. For the past three years I've had surprise parties on my birthday (two of which I was actually surprised) and am content this year, now that I'm a quarter century years old, to relax and celebrate my birthday in quiet contemplation.

So cheers to me, and anyone who happens to be going out this evening be sure to drink an extra drink in my honor.

random thought

Every so often I feel like I should know more yiddish than I do. At present this is the extent of the yiddish I know:

Tuchis/tush- Butt (one's behind)

Schpilchis- excess energy, like ants in your pants

Shmie/smie- to look around, to browse

Milchik- dairy

Flieschic- meat

Parve- neither meat nor dairy.

and that's all.

a pounding not unlike the energizer bunny

I don't really like my father's computer. I'm a mac person, and he used to be, but has since (to be compatible with work) switched over to the dark side. I'm staying at his place until Tuesday - got here Friday - and it was a mistake to come. It was a mistake because my life is full of cruel ironies. For instance, I'm a cat person. Can't stand dogs. Dogs smell funny, take up too much time and energy, and can never be left alone. Cats only smell funny around the litter box, and if you are smart and buy good cat litter the smell is negligble and in an area of the house you infrequently visit. Cats are much more independent, but good ones will respond when spoken to and also love playing (and this playing induces a minimal energy expendature on the owners side of the equation). Not only that, you can't curl up with a dog and read a book or watch TV. A cat, however, couldn't be more content sitting on your lap as you read, watch TV, or even sleep. And cats don't bark obsessivly everytime someone walks by your house.

My father has two cats. Oscar and Felix; brothers named after the odd couple (one has fluffy bright orange fur, the other has black, grey and white peppered short fur). I have cat allergies. We had a cat when I was younger and I didn't have a problem, I shared a cat with my roomates in my first apartment four years ago (he is currently living with one of my former roommates in New Orleans - lucky bastard)and I still didnt' have a problem. But they were short hair cats and it wasn't a big deal. Felix - the fluffy bright orange one - is too much for me. His dander is everywhere and I need to be on a constant regiment of antihistamines to breath. In the winter it wasn't so bad, most of his fur stayed on his body. It's summer now and he's shedding like a made man (er, cat). It's hot, incredibly and incredibly humid in Queens and his fur is everywhere. I can only breath standing up. Once I lie down at least one nostril clogs up and I feel sinus pressure building behind my eyes and in my ears. Thus, I can't fall asleep. I was up until 7 in the AM when - thank the lord - it rained, temporarily relieving the humidity and much of my nasal pressure. I slept for a total of three and a half hours before I was forced awake by the unbareable sinus pressure building beneath my face. I'm just thankful I'm not a big enough dork to get random nose bleeds. Thank heavens for small favors

My neck hurts too, but I don't know why, and it's been hurting all week. It's kinda scary actually, but I'm too poor and unemployed (lacking health insurance) to see a doctor. C'est la vie.

So I'm beat, have a bit of a sinus headache, my stomachs doing the weird thing it does when I don't get enough sleep, and I'm home alone for the day (folks and a sibling went off to a wedding for the day, a wedding I was not invited to, bah, humbug). I have a car but am too tired to drive anywhere for fear of getting in an accident - also I don't really know my way around even in optimal conditions. My big plan is to go the the movie theater around the corneer and watch at least one really stupid movie (the Fantastic 4 is in my immediate future, that or Mr. and Mrs. Smith; I promised my Mother I'd see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with her so that'll have to wait).

Enough complaining. I'm going to try and come up with a clever title for this entry and then hopefully collapse into a bed and sleep for a few more hours.

That's all for now so be good little boys and girls, and remember to eat all your vegitables.

Oh yeah, since this is my pops computer I'm to lazy to figure out how to spell check this, so any words that are misspelled will remain that way until I get back home on Tuesday or Wendseday.

**NOTE** 1:15 PM
I finally updated my blog including Amber's life weblog. I check it frequently and have been meaning to add a link but was jut too lazy or forgetful. Anyway, it's up now in the link section. Feel free to check it out. As noted hers is far more intersting than mine.

Carry on then....

bring in da noyse

Once again, anybody out there at all interested in my opinions (don't jump up all at once. Anyone? Anyone? Fine, be that way!) feel free to read my review of the new film War of the Worlds right HERE or my review of Me and You and Everyone We Know over HERE.

Both at The Noyse.com.

Thanks for placating my humble ego.

bad mood

Yeah, I'm in a bad mood and I don't know why. Had a good long weekend: Providence, Rhode island from Friday 'till Sunday, then Boston (Cambridge, Somerville really) from Sunday 'till Tuesday. Saw lots of friends, ate lots of food, didn't see fireworks (didn't really care too) and finished both my books (Generation X - Douglas Coupland and Assassination Vacation - Sara Vowell), both excellent.

Anyway, I'm posting a new story on my other blog Here. It's an older one, though never been posted I've re-edited a bit. Posting this one because it fits my current mood. I stole an idea from it to use in a screenplay that got to the top ten on triggersteet, which really isn't saying much. But those who might have read the script be aware, the short story came first.

Enjoy, and as always fresh insight and critique is always welcomed (and encouredged).

Yesterday around 5 pm

Behind me and across the street lies the first cemetery in Rockport, Ma. where Richard Tarr’s body was laid to rest in 1732; honored to be the first citizen of the town to take permanent residence, albeit six feet under.

In front of me the Atlantic Ocean stretches out as far as I can see presumably ending as it hits Europe, only my eyes aren’t that good to make out the land once called “the old country.”

I am lucky enough to be somewhere in between.

The trip to Rockport was a last minute decision as I was content to remain at home, sending out resume's in the - what has become almost futile - hope that perhaps someone will hire me. I would have the internet, cable television, the Jonathan Lethem novel I just started reading, and the back porch to enjoy the perfect clear blue sunny day. 70’s (Fahrenheit) and not at all humid, a rare occurrence in New England. Perhaps I’d even mow the lawn if inspiration struck. Perhaps not.

My mother, having finished the school year the day prior (teaching at a local Jewish Junior High) decided to celebrate her first day of summer vacation by stopping off in Lexington (home to “the Shot heard round the world” - you can’t throw a stone in Massachusetts without hitting something of historical value) for an hour on her way traveling north up route 128 to the final destination of Rockport, MA. Though I was slow to acquiesce to join her, I relented - mostly due to the realization that I hadn’t been out of the house for almost a week.

Earlier. I walked around a small part of the town with my mother falling into most gift shops we passed. After that we decided to split up. She enjoys window shopping and sneaking into peoples back yards (“just to see how they decorate”) whereas I don’t have money to shop and the thrill of trespassing no longer does anything for me.

Now. Children play on the rocks jetting out from the left most border of the beach into the ocean, all acting as if they were the first to discover this “remote” part of America. A boy, no more than 17 years of age, decked out in the hippest heavy metal beach attire scales the highest rock. Perhaps to impress the waifish 16 year old girl trailing at his heels. They are the only two visitors wearing combat boots to the beach.

The town itself is picturesque, in the very sense that I felt I was walking through a picture as I navigated my way back to the car and this beach. It is every quaint New England coastal town you’ve seen on countless postcards. From the salty early colonial blue, gray, and white houses to the small over priced tourist shops (here spelled shoppes), art galleries and clothing boutiques. Not to mention the countless hole in the wall clam and lobster (spelled proudly and phonetically “Lobstah”) joints that litter the side streets. In the middle of the street leading up the docks and gift shops a street light rests; a scale model of a white New England lighthouse. I wonder if in the evenings the light revolves warning residents to avoid this part of town lest they crash head first into an out cropping of tourists.

It is so pristine in its portrayal of itself as a charming slice of nostalgic Americana I can’t help but feel I don’t belong. As if my very presence here lessens the aesthetic (and somewhat kitschy) value of this town. I am an outsider, alien to the quiet charm loudly echoing through the streets. I feel like a walking imposition on the residents forced to ply their trade from the tourists each summer. A tourist is someone loved for their money, but hated for needing their money, and I have no money to spend. So I am worse, I am just someone taking up space.

There is of course no outward hostility towards me, as all of my discomfort here is in my head and not actually on the streets themselves (or with the citizenry). But as I look at a town whose current appeal lies closer with Disney World than otherwise I think that Richard Parr, were he still alive, would be sitting next to me (he’d have to be sitting, a man his age and still alive wouldn’t be able to stand) feeling the same sort of detachment and alienation in his home town as I do. We might not have much to talk about, him being an early Puritan settler the likes of whom are responsible for current blue laws, and me, a liberal Jew the likes of whom support gay marriage and countless other vices not permitted by the puritans. Even through our differences I would like to think we’d agree that neither of us felt comfortable here. The town he knew and helped found would be so changed as to only be recognized making money from a false sense of nostalgia. Though as uncomfortable as he might feel he would have a leg up on me, swelled with a pride I do not have. Pride stemming from the simple truth that his decedents (if not exactly by blood then by citizenship) have kept his town thriving and healthy, and that his legacy lives on.

I’m just a bad tourist and have no excuse. So I close my eyes, trying to be like the 5 year old who excitedly giggles with joy every time she drops a stone into the water, and let everything go, just to enjoy myself. I think Richard would want it that way.

Shameless self promotion

Because if I don't pimp my writing no one will, check out my review of the new film Batman Begins here for The Noyse online magazine.

I have no ideas of my own

Image stolen from Warren Ellis's website and posted again here only because I think it's so damn funny.

Procrastination

I plan on writing one of those really good, funny, soul searching posts that has some sort of actual context to the world around us. I plan on it, but instead I mess around on the computer.

Anyway, favorite blog at the moment (as it changes often as more posts are posted on all the blogs I check): High-Centered & colourphobic Check it out if you dare.

graaah

I am the most awkard man alive!!!!!!

Once again

I just watched the incredibles on DVD, good movie. What thrilled me even more was one of the little extras, a video essay by Sarah Vowell (voice of Violet and also one of my favorite writers!) So, yeah, I'm bit obsessed, and I can't help it. The way I figure though, she is a much better person to idolize than some stupid pop star or wanna be activist actor (Susan Sarandon, Sean Penn, I'm pointing at you). I don't think I'd be star struck if I bumped into, say... John Malkovitch on the street (which I have, literally, didn't know it was him, a bit embaressing really) but if I saw her in the street I would be totally tongue tied.

But I can never really talk about her to anyone because no one really knows who she is (except for dorks like me, and I don't hang out with dorks like me, I hang out with a compeltely different set up dorks). So here I am, just iterating my undying love for Sarah Vowell.

I'd like to say it's the last time but I can't be sure, I still haven't read her newest book. Once I do, I'm sure I'll post once more just to say how great she is.

But I'm not obsessed, at least not in any sort of crazy way.

Less than a good idea

I haven't really had anything interesting to write about recently, yet I am always compelled to write. Thus, to spare anyone who might be reading this from my pointless prose I give you:



Yes, your eyes do not deceive you, those men are bathing in 42,000 pints of beer. It is a luxury afforded them by The Starkenber Beer Myth, a resort near Starkenberger castle in the Tyrol region of Austria. A bath only an alcoholic would enjoy, as I can't imagine anyone else who prefers smelling of warm beer. Add some cigarette smoke in the ventilation system and it would make for a nice excuse to the significant other.

"You smell horrid. Have you been out drinking in the middle of the day?"
"Don't be silly dear, I just took a bath. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to the airport. That plane won't fly itself you know."

Moving up from Austria into Germany. Ahh Germany, I think I had family there once, they weren't from there though. This is going back about 65, 70 years. They took an over booked train ride, and oddly were never heard from again. Anyway, when I think Germany I think piety, which is why this doesn't surprise me at all.



A doll has been issued in honor of Pope Benedict XVI and is being sold in Germany for a mere 93£. Clearly it's worth it, the likeness alone is astounding. It doesn't look at all like they took a cabbage patch doll and dressed it in white, added a cheap gold cross necklace and a white yarmulke you can get free at most bar-mitzvahs. I applaud them for their hard work and piety, no cheesy exploitation of our holy-men here.

NEW EDIT(thanks to Peter David) 12:14pm
Why am I adding to this post instead of giving this bit it's own post? There are two reasons. 1) I think it fits best in this one and 2) because I said so, that's why. Either way, the world is filled with stupid people with too much money on their hands. Case in point:


For those of you familiar with the TV series Lost you'll recognize those as the evil numbers on the show. For those of you that don't, well, I just told you what they were so now you know. Whether you knew off the bat what the numbers were or not, the fact is this piece of toast is currently going for over $5000 on Ebay, and there's still two days left to bid! If you don't believe me, the image will link you to the ebay posting. If this really sells, who knows, I have some bridges (here and here) I can part with - at the right price of course.
END EDIT 12:25pm

And finally, I am a comic book nerd who was one credit shy of receiving a media theory minor in college. As such it's always fun to find out that big time movie directors like Bryan Singer can be just a big fanboy, awkward dork as I am. He is my new hero. To fully understand why, check out his behind the scenes of the new Superman movie currently being filmed video blog, but specifically, "Episode 7: The Call". Watch it and try not to fall in love with the man. I dare you.

Uhh... carry on then....

Amichai the mountain man

I haven't shaved in over three weeks nor have I got my hair cut in almost 9 months. I also haven't showered since yesterday or changed my clothes. I'm slowly turning into that weird neighbor whose lawn you warn your kids to stay off of. This has got to change.

I shall sleep, and tommorrow (technically later today) after I wake I shall shower, shave, tie my hair back in a bandana and spend the rest of the day outside being a person again.

A bike ride is immenent in my future.

My horse is so high I can't see the ground

Just because this issue hits close to home.

Logan Ritchie reported in this weeks Jewish Advocate (the greater Boston Jewish newspaper) that the US Air Force Academy in Colorado has been accused of anti-semitism.

"Recent Graduate Casey Weinstein claims he was subject to proselytizing by his teachers, restriction of kosher food, the inability to observe the Sabbath and Christian themed parties sponsored by the academy."

Hooray separation of Church and state. Er, wait a second, that doesn't sound like separation at all.

Barry Lynn, executive director of Americans United for Separation of Church and State told this to the Jewish Advocate:

"There is a clear preference for Christianity at the academy, so that everyone else feels like a second class citizen."

Be all that you can be, as long as Christianity is somehow involved. No atheists, Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, and so forth allowed. But not just any old Christian is welcome.

Bruce Debosky, regional director of the ADL for the Mountain states is quoted:

"This is not something that happened over night. there is a history of Evangelical messages, and even mainstream Christians have been made to feel uncomfortable. It is critical that the constitutional principle of separation of church and state be up help."

I'm not going to get into a big thing explaining why the separation is important, or why, even though it isn't specifically mentioned in the constitution (It was Jefferson who coined the phrase "A wall of separation between Church and State" while giving a speech at a church). All I want to say is that this is getting more and more frustrating and even if this has been a problem for a while (as it in fact has been) we keep hearing about it more and more frequently now. I think much of the blame should fall on this current administration, as Bush has shown time and time again, to put it ineloquently, he sucks at being a uniter.

I don't have a problem with christians, religious or otherwise. Nor do I have a problem with religious evangelical christians. They can believe any way they want. I do have a problem with the Evangelical christian right who seem to be getting their way more and more with out regards to the rest of us living in this country. This is not a Christian land, no matter how much they would like to obscure the history and wish otherwise.

Whatever happened to those goth kids you knew in High school?

Judge: Parents can't teach pagan beliefs. Father appeals order in divorce decree that prevents couple from exposing son to Wicca. as published by the Indystar.

Well now we know. Sure I might make fun (and I do) but I respect anyone with who tries to uphold their religious beliefs in a respectful and peacefull manner. This is just wrong.

Religious freedom should be for everyone, not just the ones that the current group of old Christian white guys in power are comfortable with.

I'd go on, but I don't want to bore any of you with another political rant. But if you really want one you should check out Peter David's blog Peterdavid.net.

Don't just carry on, get angry, do something....

My Superman T-shirt

I hate nature. Actually, I love nature. Only, I hate it.

I can enjoy nature if say, I'm tossing around a ball or a frisbee, or if I happen to be taking a nice hike, or even going camping. I strongly believe in preserving our natural wildlife, state parks, finding renewable sources of energy, and so forth.

I hate mowing the lawn. I absolutely hate mowing the lawn. Let me reiterate, I despise mowing the lawn. You can say I feel very strongly on the matter. It isn't that I just hate mowing the lawn, I hate having to continually mow the lawn. At least once a week (twice if it rains) the grass must be cut. It's a two hour chore that wipes me of most of my energy killing my Sundays. I dislike shoveling snow, but I only have to shovel the driveway, and only when it snows. I have to mow the entire lawn every week. Every last blade of grass. I don't know how much it actually is, maybe about 3/4's of an acre, which isn't so bad, comparatively speaking (my neighbors across the street have about the same amount of land, but more lawn that I do - though they have one of those mowers you can ride on; I don't).

Whilst mowing I tore a hole in one of my favorite work shirts; rather, a tree tore a hole in one of my favorite work shirts. It's about an two and a half inches wide, and smack in the middle of my back. I either have to get rid of the shirt, sew it up (which will look pretty stupid) use it as a rag (god forbid) or toss it (I couldn't possibly). I could continue to wear it with the big hole in the back, but that also looks pretty stupid. Not that I'm trying to impress any one (I hardly have what one would call a rippling physique), but I should carry myself with some sort of-- ah, who am I kidding, I'll probably continue to wear it with the hole; even out in public. But that was a bummer.

And I killed a snake. I didn't mean too. I didn't see it. I didn't even know I killed it until I was emptying out the lawn mower bag and found it in a few pieces. It was just a simple garden snake, probably helping fend off pesky rodents or insects around the garden and lawn. It meant me absolutely no harm. And I know it shouldn't be that big of a deal, but I'm one of those "all life is sacred" freaks so killing the snake is just more bad karma I'm going to have to burn off some how. Maybe I'll go out and feed some stray dogs to the lions at the zoo. That might do it.

Anyway, I'm off to eat my lunch, then take down the storm windows because it's finally nice out again.

On a side note, my youngest brother is coming home from his three month trip to Israel today. Spent the third (and final) trimester of his high school senior year there. He will be landing in New York around now actually, and take a bus back to his school with his fellow classmates. Thus he should be back here at home around 8pm. I'm psyched to see him again, but I know he's really bummed to be back home (his girlfriend was with him in Israel, and now they are going to be spending the summer apart, then going to different schools in different states, MIT - her and NYU - him). But he's a good kid, I know he'll adjust. Regardless, it'll be nice to see him again.

That's all for now, carry on then...

Joke of the day

As told by Jimmy Carr on Distraction last night.

If we took all the all the money America spends on food each month we could feed the third world for a year. I don't know about you, but this leads me to believe that we are being seriously over charged for our groceries.

Purple nurple

As posted by Warren Ellis, comic book writer extraordinare. I doubt they'll use this in the new Batman movie. Definitely not what Bob Kane and Bill Finger had in mind, at least I hope not, those sick bastards.

KABOOM

File under: Ideas for a story

Tragic or tragically hilarious, you be the judge.

Check it out!

I just finished revising a short story I've been working on for quite some time. If you are feeling either bored, curious, or realize you have seven minutes to burn, feel free to check it out here.

Any and all suggestions are always welcomed.

The good the bad and the candidate for pastic surgery

First thing first, though nothing is going to come of this it is a nice ego boost right when I needed it. My script on triggerstreet received a few more reviews and jumped up into the top ten on the site. That's the top ten out of a little over 2000 scripts. This means very little in the real world, but it's a nice temporary feather in my cap.

Secondly, this is one of the funnier postings I've seen online recently. You will not be disapointed (Pun intended. What pun you ask, check out the post!).

And thirdly, I hung out with my friend Jenni last night. We saw the cute yet mildly disappointing French film "Look At Me" at the Lexington theater. Jenni normally lives out in Utah for half the year and West Virginia the other half, leading various different outdoor adventure groups (mostly for troubled teens). Whilst in Utah, on a mountain biking trip she broke her ankle and a few other bones in her legs. I saw the pictures and the X-rays and they are nasty. Her ankle is bent in a direction it shouldn't by all accounts be bent at. I shudder just thinking about it (but I will not hesitate to post the images of said ankle if she ever sends them to me - just to share with everyone else). She's undergone some surgery and now has a metal plate and pin keeping her lower left leg together (along with a cast) She has come home to Lexington to recover and be taken care of (she probably won't be able to walk on her own until sometime in September of this year).

Anyway, I don't know why Jenni is my friend. Most people try to be cool. They might buy certain clothes, hang out in certain places with certain people, read certain books, see certain movies, listen to certain music; all in the attempt to be cool. Coolness is something most of us strive for. We all have a different idea as to what cool is, for some it's getting into that really exclusive club. For others it's getting the newest Dismemberment Plan CD and complaining that Modest Mouse sold out. Whatever it is, we want to be it. Whether we realize this or not, trying to be cool takes up most of how we interact with the world. I don't by any stretch of the imagination mean that we are being fake or phony, just simply trying to be cool is simply trying to be our best.

Jenni doesn't try to be cool. Trying to be cool is the farthest thing from her mind. Jenni is one of the few people who don't have to try, she just is cool. I doesn't matter what she wears, who she might listen to, what books she reads, who she talks to; she is cool - she just can't help it. She is cool in any and every situation. It's not an act, it's not a pretension, it's just who she is, and she probably doesn't even realize how cool she is (which is just one of the ways one can figure out who really is cool). She might not fit in every crowd, but I can't imagine anyone (regardless who they are) not thinking she is cool.

Aesthetically she isn't anything extraordinary. She's cute, not movie cute, just in a regular person sort of way. That being said I haven't met a man yet who isn't instantly crushed after finding out she's in a relationship. This aura of coolness permiates her being attracting everyone she meets.

And I don't know why she's my friend. Rather, I don't know why she has chosen to be friends with me. I certainly know why I want to be her friend. I always have fun hanging out with her. I don't anyone to get the wrong impression, my fondness towards her is purely platonic (I would disagree with Harry, men and women can just be friends). It's just I've met some of her other friends and they are also cool people (the type of kids I always wanted to hang out with in high school, but was too scared to try). All very nice, all very open to everybody, all very engaging, all very cool. I am pretty nice, I try (though often fail) to be open to everybody, and I can be engaging, but I'm not particularly cool.

I have good friends, in fact they're great. They're all good people in the same way I would like to think I'm a good person - I wouldn't change them for the world. But Jenni; Jenni is my cool friend. The friend that I wonder what I might have done in my past life to get a friend as cool as Jenni.

I'm just thankful that she'll never realize how cool she is, or if she does, she still won't care (she's that cool!) and that these thoughts will never plague her mind as they plague mine.

Uhh.. Carry on then.

revenge of the uber nerd

I'm off to see the new starts wars movie. But be not afraid, I don't dress in costume nor do I know the various lore and legends of the Lucasverse. I'm not expecting to like it (I watched the second prequel in fast forward and still felt it was a waste of my time), yet I feel obligated to see it. Another ten dollars wasted. Hopefully we can put this, yet another unsatisfying chapter in our movie going history, to rest.

Be aware, I am not done. More to come upon my viewing.

uh.... carry on then (for now)

Trying to figure out 42

I'm still going through the process of figuring it all out. In an earlier post I mentioned that my life is unraveling, and I want to clarify by stating that I was overstating the matter. My life, as it stands is more akin to legos than anything else. Perhaps you have had this experience: as a child you decided to build a magnificent lego structure. You build and build and build. You follow the directions, and as you are nearly finished you invite a friend over to marvel at your creation. This friend, with no malicious intent, walks over to your structure to inspect it. The friend reaches to touch it and accidentally breaks off a piece. While attempting to fix the gaff the friend accidentally knocks into another section knocking pieces apart. Quickly you pull your friend aside and say you'll fix it later, now realizing the only way to piece it back together is to pull more apart and start over again.

Maybe this has happened to you, maybe not, but that is about as good as an analogy I can come up with for my present situation. Everything is falling apart, but it isn't by any means broken, and at least I have a friend touching my stuff.

First off, I'm not getting any freaking job interviews. None what-so-ever! And this is seriously starting to wear on my self-esteem. Am I really this worthless? What am I doing wrong? And so forth. But this is only the beginning.

I have two friends (I have more than just two but I'm only writing about these two) living together in Manhattan. They aren't talking to each other any more. They were going to move down to Louisville, Kentucky come september, but that looks less likely to happen, as they are no longer speaking to each other, and I think it's my fault. I'm the first one to admit it, I don't understand women. Not one bit. I'm not going to make any stupid stereotypes about the differences between the sexes so often commented upon by lame comedians, suffice to say that there are differences, neither being better or worse than the other. A month ago I was invited to move down south with them, and late last week I called asking if the invitation was still open. I was feeling stagnant, the move was only going to be for 9 months, and I thought a change would do me some good.

Now I'm not so sure what happened next. The two of them spoke, they argued about something- I'm not entirely sure what, I've heard a different story from each of them- and now they aren't speaking, they aren't going to be moving together, and it all has something to do with my question wondering if the invitation was still open. One of them is moving down to Louisville, the other is convinced that she is moving to Eugene, Oregon with me, something I'm still not sure exactly how it happened. I remember saying Eugene sounded like a nice place, something of a college town, and that somehow translated into "Yes, let's move to Eugene together." She currently is so set on this I don't know how to back out without hurting her feelings. But I have to figure something out soon as I'm going to her graduate school graduation this Friday.

My artist, the one with whom I've been collaborating on a comic book, bailed on me. I thought things were going well. Apparently he couldn't pull it together, didn't have the inspiration needed, and bam, gone. This is the fourth artist to bail on me. And once again I go back to the idea that this is somehow my fault. If it's such a consistent problem it can't be just a coincidence. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. After I give them the script we talk, and I let them know they can run with it. Take as many creative liberties as they think necessary, make it as much their own as it is mine. I don't set up any specific schedules, and try to play it by ear. I don't pester them with e-mails or phone calls everyday, or even every week. usually a letter every two weeks to see how things are going, maybe schedule a meeting in a month, or just to shoot the shit. I never hold on too tight for fear they'll slip away through my fingers, but maybe I should be closing my hand just a little bit. I don't know.

I might be homeless come june 30th and have to figure out where I'm going to live, and how I'm going to pay for it.

So there is all that.

On the plus side, I have a script doing well on Trigger street (it's #250 out of about 2050, the best I've done so far). Also, theNoyse.com liked my writing sample and I probably will be writing reviews for them and maybe a regular column. It's not paying, but at least it's a step in the right direction. So my life doesn't completely suck.

I'm not in the best mood for writing which should explain the poor writing quality of this post. My next one will be better written, I promise.

Uhh.... carry on then

Pee-pee dance no more

Why was this never thought of before? It is arguably one of the greatest ideas I've ever heard (and I once heard an idea, spouted earnestly at the time, for butter flavored ice cream).

One can only hope we start implementing this in America. Mapquest of the future, so to speak.

I'm Boned

I can't be much clearer than that. More to come in a few days as it all unravels.

Shhhh....

This is a really neat site. Check it out here.

Access denied

Not a single interview, what the hell am I doing wrong?

This is not a test (or a joke)

Don't be alarmed. That soft thudding sound you've been hearing but can't figure out where it's coming from... well, it's coming from Framingham, Massachusetts. It is the sound of my head repeatedly being smacked into the wall. I do it to myself because I am too poor (ie too unemployed) to afford drugs to numb the pain that are many of my fellow citizens. I am not ashamed to admit it, I am a New England Elitist. Don't get me wrong, I love America. I don't think the rest of the country is bad (I drove cross country and I loved it, even the flat boring states thrilled me, I had my head out the window the entire time just absorbing the majesty of the country, it was amazing; awe inspiring in fact!) I just think New England is better. A good chunk of the best schools are here, many of the best writers and poets are from here, many of my favorite bands are either from here or the members grew up here, we have the best baseball team (though not with the best track record of course), we have culture, history, arts, foliage, but also the great rural stuff, farms, small towns where everyone knows your name, and so forth. I have some friends moving down to Louisville, Kentucky who are trying to get me to move with them. I'm awfully tempted; (the move won't be for another 3 months so I have some time to think about it) though, even if I move, New England will always be my home.

Putting all that aside, one of the reasons I like it here so much is I'm surrounded by like minded people. I'm proud to be from the first state in the union to legalize same-sex marriage. I'm surrounded by progressive thinkers. In fact even the Republicans I know are in favor of same-sex marriages (they are just more fiscally conservative). It's jarring to realize that so much of this country (in fact the majority) are of a different mindset. The most recent kick to the gut; this bumper magnet:


This image was taken from the website Bushfish.org and is no joke. The lead in the the website, written on the top of the page:

"Do you believe God belongs in government?
Do you believe President Bush is doing The Lord's Work?"

No, and no.

I've been a practicing conservative Jew for close to 25 years now (they say practice makes perfect, but I still don't think I'm going to go professional), I keep kosher- it's easy as a vegetarian -I observe the sabbath, I go to synagogue (though not as frequent as my father- a Rabbi -would like) and so forth. I am a religious person and I don't think God should be anywhere near the government. As a fan of history I have learned that anytime a government got involved with God, bad things happened to the Jews. To quote Mel Brooks:

"The Inquisition (What a show)
The Inquisition (Here we go)
We know you’re wishing that we’d go away
So come on all you heathens and you Jews
We got some good news for all of yous
You’d better change your point of views today
Cause the inquisitions here and it’s here to say"

Not that I'm comparing current christian doctrine to that of Torquemada. But the idea of god in Government is not something I'm very comfortable with, especially because I know it isn't my god they are talking about. Not that it would make a difference if it was my God. I wouldn't want to force a law on other Americans that all food made in this country be kosher, that just isn't fair. So too I should not be subjected to laws pertaining to Christian theology. Only about 2% of the country is Jewish, yet we make up the second largest religious population (though I think that is slowly changing, Muslims and Hindus are very quickly catching up).

The site goes on to say, "If this country's legislature and judiciary are supposed to reflect the values and beliefs of The People, then send them a message that they are WAY off course!" Yes, the legislature is supposed to reflect the beliefs of the majority of people, we voted them in. The judiciary is in place as a check to that power to ensure that the minority is protected and treated with equal protection under the law (it's for more than just that, but that is part of it). If it actually was subject to the majority, segregation laws would never have been deemed unconstitutional. It scares me how many people don't understand this, or choose to ignore it.

I can't stand that schools have to teach Evolution as a theory on equal standings as creationism. I've read and studied the bible (in the original Hebrew no less). There are at least two contradictory stories as to in what order the world was created. There is one version where man was created first, and one where man was created last. Which version do they teach? Creationism isn't science, it isn't history, it is religion and it is a parable. And what about the fast growing ranks of religious Americans whose religion is not in some way based on the old testament? Must they be subjected to this religious doctrination in our public schools? There is something horribly wrong with that.

The separation between church and state, though not specifically written into the constitution (at least not in those words), has been working pretty well since thomas Jefferson said that the first amendment created a "wall of separation between church and state." I'm not one to usually prefer the status quo, but in this case, I say let the separation between Government and God stand and let Bush do his Lords work on his own time, not while serving at the pleasure of The People, all The People, not just the ones that voted him in.

It's official

I have too much time on my hands. Purely to entertain myself I have started a blog for the more fictitous aspect of my brain. Feel free to read any of my prose anytime, here.

Love it, hate it, either way I feel productive.

Philip Baker Hall Aka Lt. Bookman

Wasn't this a Seinfeld episode once.

Man pays for extremely late library fines.

Hey! Where's the beef?

As an homage to Spider Jerusalem and from a fear that I might be out of touch, for the past two days I've been sitting at my computer clicking the little next blog in the upper right hand of your screen. Trolling the blogosphere, as I've heard it been called, hoping to find something of interest on which I could report. As the time passed, and as I read the various entries of those blogs written in english, I began to fear I'd have nothing of interest to say, thus not only wasting my time, but the time of the few people who read my blog. In desperation I kept going and going, trolling from blog to blog praying that an epiphany of some sort would strike leading me to an amazingly original observation of not only Blogspot, but human nature as well.

Page after page scrolled down before me, my eyes quickly darting back and forth searching for the answer. And the more I searched the more I was sure an epiphany would come. It was a drug unlike one I've ever expereinced, all the addiction without any pleasant side-affects (not being bulimic, my nausea clearly doesn't count).

In this deluded state I kept moving on from blog to blog, even more convinced that the key to understanding not just humanity but the entire universe was hidden, and each blog was akin to a puzzle piece. All I would have to do is read them in the correct order and I would be like that of a GOD.

Needless to say, it didn't happen. I am not a god (not even in lower case), though some people might tremble before me - that has less to do with any god like powers and more to the point that I should change my deoderant more often. I was bestowed no epiphany, in fact, I can safely say I didn't learn anything at all. After a while all blogs started blending into one big blog which said this:

I HATE MY MOTHER BECAUSE LAST NIGHT AT SCHOOL I FELT SO SAD BECAUSE LIBERALS ARE RACIST AND CONSERVATIVES LOVE GOD. GOD ON THE OTHER HAND LOVES CHRISTIANS AND I SPENT PASSOVER DINNER AT A FRIENDS HOUSE, BUT ONLY BECAUSE BILLY DOESN'T LIKE ME LIKE I LIKE HIM. TONY BLAIR IS A SHOE IN FOR THE ELECTION AND THOUGH HE BENT OVER FOR GEORGE BUSH (WHO IS THE BEST AND WORST PRESIDENT EVER!) HE'S BETTER THAN THE OTHER GUYS, EXCEPT FOR THE OTHER GUY WHO IS BETTER THAN HIM. LIBERALS HATE AMERICA, CONSERVATIVES ARE DESTROYING AMERICAN. I LOVE AMERICAN IDOL. THE NEXT STAR WARS FILM IS GOING TO BE AMAZING; AMAZINGLY BAD. GEORGE LUCAS IS GOD, WHO HATES ABORTIONS. SCHOOL SUCKS. I HAD EGGS FOR BREAKFAST THIS MORNINGit's amazing how many people eat eggs for breakfast on a regular basis and then feel the world should know about it.BUY ALUMINUM SIDING, LOTS OF TECHNOBABBLE, MAC, IBM, NONE OF THE ABOVE, SOFTWARE I'VE NEVER HEARD OF AND A TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF ADVERTISEMENTS FOR EVERYTHING FROM HEALTH INSURANCE TO GAMBLING ON THE KENTUCKY DERBY(surprsingly not that different really)

And so forth.

Which isn't to say I didn't come across any Blogs that I liked. I did come across some fun blogs. The good ones in my opinion were the ones not specifically devoted to the news or any political point of view, the ones who used full sentences and full words, the ones who got wrote out their ideas (be it about the going on's of the world or just their personal life) in a well articulated clever fashion. But those were the ones harder to find.

I should probably give links to the ones I felt are worthy of mention, only I'm beat and just like most of my assignments back when I was in school; I didn't take proper notes.

Three that jumped out at me as being different (blogs I visit regularly don't count as those are the ones that jumped out at me in the past) are as follows: Public Transportation, Query letters, and finally, for reasons I still don't understand the first entry of this blog Polemic really got to me (perhaps because it has a smart minimalistic approach I so sorely lack).

I was hoping that, like everything else one expects from the internet, finding the good would be fast and easy. Unfortunately for my lazy ass the world of the blogs is just like any other medium. Most of what's out there is blends together into one long desert of bland (or perhaps a better term would be just a bland dessert, empty calories and all). And just like every other medium you have to take the time to discern the good from the bad. I guess the real lesson learned, and definatly something I can take comfort in is this: access to technology doesn't make us smarter, better writers, more interesting, or more worthy of being read; all those aspects must comes ourselves, not our computers. Thus books are not dead, newspapers won't fade away, the internet isn't taking over as the ultimate form of communication. Just because it's more high tech doesn't mean it's any better than anything else.

Leaving me with the final conclusion that I'm not as out of touch as I thought I was.

Uh... carry on then

Just one reason Warren Ellis is smarter than me

In honor of Spider Jerusalem I have decided to spend some time flickering through the blogs on Blogspot to see what is out there and report on it. Not my finest idea (especially as it is just a rip off of an issue of Transmetropolitan) but it keeps me away from writing cover letters, which I detest ever so much.

I shall return with more info upon completion of this assignment. Prepared to be dazzled or, if nothing else, mildly amused verging on bored.

Uh... Carry on then

Passover outside of Neverland (not related in any way to Michael Jackson)

I've learned a few things from my grandmother during our brief stay here in New York for the holiday. 1)I don't know my way around a kitchen because she's been cooking longer than me. 2)All black men beat their spouses. 3)All arabs smell funny (not the best site, but I'm too lazy to look for a better one). 4)English should be the national language and those who don't speak it be damned. I don't speak to my grandmother often, and the aforementioned lessons reminded me why. There isn't too much else I learned from my grandmother save this one last bit, which floored me.

She was trying to go over my family tree and perhaps it was just due to the dementia (not an insult, simply the technical term for her current mental faculties) she inadvertently led me to believe that I have cousins who married each other (she was unclear as to whether they were blood relations or not). Maybe it's legal, maybe it isn't. Either way something about that isn't kosher. Sure I laugh when I watch George Michael pine after his cousin on Arrested Development, but now the jokes strike a little closer to home. Ewwww.

When discussing these cousins my grandmother went on to say that they are such nice people and it's a shame their kids grew up to be such free thinkers. This is one of the biggest yet politest insults my grandmother could come up with: free thinkers. Because there is nothing worse than a free thinker. Sure these kids live on a commune and are probably living some sort of grungy hippy lifestyle, one of which I probably would not be so comfortable living myself, but out of all the ways to rebel this is one of the most peaceful. This commune, she confirmed, is not one belonging to any cult or crazy religious faction, just a bunch of "free thinkers" living together on the land. I was almost disappointed when she said how great of a guy I am, not like those "free thinkers." Sure I may be a vegetarian ("What do you mean you don't eat meat? That's just not healthy." This coming from the same woman who complained there wasn't any shmaltz in the chopped liver) but that can be forgiven.

Scratch that, I am disappointed. I don't go out of my way to show how different I may be, I am what I am. I always kinda hoped, however, that I'd stick out just a little. I am a bit odd, my name amongst my friends usually turns into an adjective ("that's such an Amichai thing to do" used when I make a fool of myself usually by bumping into something or tripping over myself, both physically and verbally). My clothes most often don't match, though that has less to do with an intentional aesthetic and more to do with the fact that I am color blind. I never stick out of a crowd but I never quite fit in either. This disappointment quickly washes away as I realize not being a "free thinker" may be the least of my worries because someday I am going to die (say it isn't so, I can't stand it).

It's true, and though the mere thought of death sends me into a panic attack (one panic attack about my own mortality once forced me to take an early lunch at work, I nearly hyperventilated - and I'm only 24) I shall continue. I know I'm going to die because my grandmother is going to die. I don't think she's going to die anytime soon, but the more I sat and talked with her the more I realized she really is of a different generation. I always knew this conceptually, but I can count the amount of times I've actually sat down and talked to her on one hand making this concept easier to ignore. She dropped out of college to help work for the war effort for christ sake. The most I can really say is I dropped out of a cultural criticism course in college because I spent a semester getting stoned thus lacking the mental capacity needed to comprehend the readings assigned. She is of an older generation solidifying me as part of a younger generation I have never really identified myself with. But once you are part of a generation you know there will come a time when that generation will end. Soon all those alive during world war two will be gone. Hence, someday I too am going to die.

I realize all this during Passover, the holiday when all Jews are supposed to think of ourselves as if we personally left the bondage in Egypt. This one particular idea strikes me as being particularly bogus, especially after the horrid but inevitable conclusion that my life has an expiration date. The Jews who left Egypt (if they ever really existed in the first place) are now the oil under the Sinai desert. The only real bondage I'll ever have to deal with is the repayment of my student loans (which is not the same sort of pressure as building the pyramid, but still horrid in a different sort of way). If anything I'd prefer to think of myself as the generation of Jews who enter Israel after 40 long years in the desert. But that is really neither here nor there.

As I neither exodused from Egypt or received the land of Israel crossing through the waters of the Jordan river split in twain (when it comes to crossing bodies of water God is a one trick pony) Passover seems a bit silly. I have to admit, however, it is my favorite holiday. It gives me hope that one day I'll be visiting my potential grandchildren, sitting in their parents living room, boring the crap out of them as my grandmother did to me, forcing them to realize they are just as mortal as I am.

Those unsuspecting suckers.

linguistic abstractions

I seem to really like taking internet tests. I spend far too much of my time searching them out and learning mostly things I already knew about myself. I did go to the MET (sp?) in Manhattan (as I am staying in Queens for passover) and thoroughly enjoyed a long innoculation of culture that should keep me content for the time being. I like TV, but sometimes getting out of the house and actually interacting with the world is just as entertaining. I spent the majority of my day staring at either modern art or ancient oriental art. They aren't very similar, but I am undenaibly drawn to them just the same. I was hoping to see more of the New York Ten (the abstract expressionists from the 20's and 30's, Rothko, Ben Zion, ect.) but either they don't have them in their collection, or more likley, I couldn't find them. On a side note, the New Yorker was correct in their assesment of the Max Ernst retrospective (it isn't that impressive, not the collection just the art), at least in this humble man's opinion.

Now onto the test.

Your Linguistic Profile:

50% Yankee

40% General American English

10% Dixie

0% Midwestern

0% Upper Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Being the New England snob that I am, as I see it, Yankee and general american english is one in the same. I don't know where the 10% southern comes from. I blame, like everything else in the world, this on TV.

Damn you Jeff Foxworthy and your ever increasing sphere of infulence.

At least I don't sound like I'm from Queens/Long Island. Those accents drive me freaking nuts. The next person who mispronounces coffee I'm going to punch in the nose.

Lord Palpatines Evil Empire Chicken

It's not quite the middle of Passover and I shall probably relate my Passover experience on a later post. For the time being there is something else I wish to discuss.

First, I came across Darth Vader’s Blog and think this might possibly be the greatest thing since sliced bread (but that's only because sliced bread isn't really a big deal to begin with). I don't know if this is a slick marketing ploy or just uber geek with too much time on his/her hands. Either way it's freaking hilarious. I'm not the biggest star wars fan in the world, (I watched the second prequel in fast forward and still wanted to kill myself for wasting money renting it) but the blog gets to me. Perhaps it's because I so often root for the villains of most motion pictures, but a blog from Vader’s perspective really hits home. We see Vader with a bum leg that the various repair droids can't seem to fix. He is the second command of an empire filled with incompetent generals and a clone army that seems to get dumber each generation. He is a father battling his son - a revolutionary fighting against the empire (talk about the ultimate child rebellion) while simultaneously trying to rest his son away from corrupting forces; a Mr. Hans Solo, to be precise. He is a man in constant conflict and turmoil whose temper more often than not gets the better of him. He is just a man trying to make his way in that galaxy long ago and far, far away.

This blog, with very little resources and no special affects, accomplishes what George Lucas has failed to do with tremendous resources and amazing special effects in the prequels. It humanizes Darth Vader; it makes him the tragic figure we've been waiting to see. One can only hope George Lucas reads this blog and quickly re-edits his newest (what I am almost sure will be a) failure to bring this blogs vision of the scariest asthmatic in the universe to fruition.

The second site found (and I guess I should thank some guy named Paul) for this. Though I am a vegetarian, deep down in my heart I have a special soft spot for chickens (high speed internet helps).

Uh... Carry on then.

Elaine: I hate people. Jerry: Yeah, they're the worst.

Everyone has prejudices. No matter how much we might claim otherwise we are just fooling ourselves. In general I hate most people, regardless as to skin color, religious beliefs, gender, ethnicity, and so on. I think we can all agree that people, by and large, are annoying. I know I certainly am.

In any case once again found on Stellito's site I found a neat link. This time I was wisked away to a Harvard test site which reveals our hidden or not so hidden prejudices. I took a few of the tests, and received some surprising results. A lot of the test has to do with hand eye coordination and anyone who knows me knows that this is a skill I am seriously lacking. Thus, the tests maybe flawed due to my own ineptitude. Also the tests may be flawed just because. I can't claim to have any knowledge as to the veracity of the tests.

That being said, for your edification, here are my results:

I have a slight preference for white people over black people. Not much of a shock, though disappointing when I found out.

I have a moderate preference for Jews over non-Jews. Not a shock at all on that one. I'm Jewish, my father is a Rabbi, and I grew up in a small but strong Jewish community. If I'm in a cafeteria and there are two tables available, one being full of Jews and the other non-Jews, everything else being equal, I'd gravitate towards the Jews. It's just a comfort thing I think.

I have no association between science and gender. Which just helps back up my post about women poets.

I have a slight preference for old people over young people. This one surprised me. I thought I hated old people. Always driving too slow, pinching cheeks, and smelling funny, what are they really good for aside from voting on a regular basis and sucking away all the social security taxes removed from my pay.

Slight preference gay over straight. I am not gay, though this is not very surprising. In college I had a string of doomed crushes, all of whom turned out to be lesbians (and they weren't just saying that so they wouldn't have to go out with me, at least I hope not).

I have no association between gender and careers. Apparently I am that new age sentive guy I've been reading so much about

I have a strong preference for thin over fat people. Yeah, I'm a shallow bastard, but I knew that already.

There you go. I'm more than happy wearing my prejudices on my sleave, as long as you don't hold them against me.


uh... nothing more to see here. Move along,move along.

Too angry for a clever title

I'm so furious I can barely get these sentances out.

MICROSOFT SECRETLY PULLS SUPPORT FOR GAY RIGHTS BILL IN WASHINGTON STATE TO CURRY FAVOR WITH RELIGIOUS RIGHT.

Grahhh, and I thought Bill Gates sucked ass before, this is just twisting the knife.

Almost, but not at all, Famous

It is odd to me that there are some people out there, few though they may be, who are actually reading this blog. When I started this, not so long ago I was sure I'd give it up in a matter of days, getting bored with the concept. I told none of my friends that it existed (save one) nor any of my family (though they eventually found it, it's impossible to hide anything online). I assumed that it would never be read, my lone empty corner of the internet. As it turns out, I've kept it up, surprisingly so. And now, every so often I find a comment posted by people I don't know. I've realized this is as famous as I'll ever be so, without further ado, there are some people I'd like to thank for helping me get this far.

First and foremost God. If it wasn't for God's constant torment and mental abuse I would never have anything to write about.

I'd like to thank my second grade teacher, my favorite teacher of them all, Mrs. um... whatsherface. Almost daily she give me special attention; she'd take me aside and say, "Amichai, stop picking your nose." Words I keep in my heart to this very day.

I'd like to thank my manager. Everyday I'd come into work he'd say, "Amichai, you're late. We need french fries NOW!" The best times were had when we'd joke together. I'd ask for a raise and he'd give me a pay cut and threaten to deport me. Good times, good times.

I would like to thank the internet, and offer my apology. Turns out you aren't just good for Porn. My bad.

Thank you Emerson college for giving me an education, but failing to teach me how to use it.

Thank you Mira Sorvino (she knows why...)

Thank you to all my family, except for Felix (He knows why...)

And finally, thank you girl who lives across the street and doesn't close the blinds. You don't know me but I've been watching you and could not be any more appreciative.


Uh... carry on then.

Not the way I'd want my taxes done

File under: People who need to get a life more than me.

I'd like to buy a Vowell

It's official. I'm in love with Sarah Vowell, and not just because of the horrible pun her name allowed me to put to use.

I'm not really in love with Sarah Vowell. Not in the sense of marriage, commitment, and the like. Not even in the sense of a casual date. And no, not in the sense of psycho celebrity stalker either. I'm in love with her in that whimsical way one falls for people they see on TV. For those of you unaware as to who Ms. Vowell might be, I've swiped this bio from IMDB. I was going to provide links to all the publications listed below, but I got lazy and if you really want to see them you'll find them yourselves.

"Born in Oklahoma and raised Montana, Sarah Vowell is best known for her bits on public radio's This American Life. A contributing editor for the program since 1996, she has been a staple of TAL's popular live shows around the country, for which The New York Times has commended her "funny querulous voice and shrewd comic delivery." As a critic and reporter, she has contributed to numerous newspapers and magazines, including Esquire, GQ, Los Angeles Times, The Village Voice, Spin, The New York Times Book Review and McSweeney's. She is a former columnist for Time, Salon.com and San Francisco Weekly. Hip, irreverent, and with a voice that NPR fans of This American Life instantly perk up to, Sarah makes both readers and listeners laugh out loud with her wry, comic observations on everything from politics to pop culture."

She is what I think I'm looking for in a woman. She's funny in a very smart way, and smart in a very funny way (read her books or listen to her on NPR or her frequent visits to the Daily Show and you'll see what I mean), she's a They Might Be Giants Fan (she wrote the liner notes for the Dial-a-song compilation album), and she has fantastic voice (for those curious she voiced the role of Violet in the animated feature The Incredibles.) She's not attractive in the hollywood sense of the word, but she's adorable; which, when coupled with the previous attributes, knocks her through the roof in my book, to mix metaphors.

As Tony the Tiger would say "She's Grrrrrrrreat!"

Now that I think about it, I don't know if I'm really in love with her, or just want to be her. Or rather her male equivalent; I don't think I'm ready to commit to any sort of sex change.

Well... not until I'm finished with my hormone therapy, at the very least.

Can o' topia

Every morning the top headlines from the New York Times are sent to me via e-mail. It's free, it's easy, and it keeps me abreast of the goings on in the world. In today's e-mail the op-ed piece by David Frum has this lead in sentence:

"Canada's Liberal Party's embezzlement scandal is threatening the utopian vision Americans have of their neighbor."

Perhaps it's just me, but I don't recall ever having a utopian vision of Canada (nor do I know any Americans who do), unless of course by Utopia Mr. Frum means bland and slightly French.

Only in America, er actually...

After reading this blog I wondered if there were any web sites with the American equivalents. I'm not going to mention the grammatical error as Stellito already has (I fixed what I could). Suffice to say that I now know if I was British I'd be a member of the Liberal Democrats, which isn't that much of a stretch I suppose.

Anyway...

For whom should I vote?

Your expected outcome:

Liberal Democrat

Your actual outcome:

	Labour 16
Conservative -36
	Liberal Democrat 46
	UK Independence Party 2
	Green 31

You should vote: Liberal Democrat

The LibDems take a strong stand against tax cuts and a strong one in favour of public services: they would make long-term residential care for the elderly free across the UK, and scrap university tuition fees. They are in favour of a ban on smoking in public places, but would relax laws on cannabis. They propose to change vehicle taxation to be based on usage rather than ownership.

Take the test at Who Should You Vote For



Good to know, though can't imagine any practical use coming from this.

Uh.. carry on then

The real opposite of progress

Hooray for the United States Congress. Just when I thought they couldn't get anymore depressingly entertaining, well they prove me wrong. Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist (the same Bill Frist who used his medical degree to diagnose Mrs. Schiavo based on 8 minutes of non contiguous video clips) has come out in a recent telecast and said that Democrats are "against people of faith" as reported by David Kirkpatrick in the April 15, 2005 New York Times.

People of faith, not only being a great catch phrase harkening back to "People of Color" (a term used in the civil rights movement), is not as all encompassing as one might think. Heaven forbid Senator Frist is referring to all peoples of all sorts of faiths. Don't be silly. People of faith are Christians, and Christians alone (because faith in any other religious dogma not affiliated with Jesus is just nutty). How do I know this? That's a good question. Perhaps my own crazy Jewish New England leftist liberal democrat leanings are biasing me against Senator Frist. Is it just the liberal media that's twisting his meaning when the phrase People of Faith is used? Oh, if only that were so.

Reported in the same New York Times article:

"As the liberal, anti-Christian dogma of the left has been repudiated in almost every recent election, the courts have become the last great bastion for liberalism," Tony Perkins, president of the Family Research Council and organizer of the telecast, wrote in a message on the group's Web site. "For years activist courts, aided by liberal interest groups like the A.C.L.U., have been quietly working under the veil of the judiciary, like thieves in the night, to rob us of our Christian heritage and our religious freedoms."

Yes, when I think of various organizations damaging this country the A.C.L.U is right up on the top of the list. We don't need all those pesky little freedoms (freedom of religious practice included) they are always trying to protect.

Luckily all religions share the same core beliefs as the Christian right. If they didn't, this desire to force conservative Christian doctrine into our legal decisions would not only be a huge gaff in regards to the separation between church and state, or in the separation of powers and that whole pesky governmental checks and balances thing written by the founding fathers in the constitution, but a slap in the face of all faiths outside of Christ. I wasn't aware that simply as an American I have a Christian heritage. Boy won't that be a kick in the pants to my father, a Rabbi since 1978.

Yeah, only good things will come of this. Now if anyone needs me I'll be in my room banging my head against the wall until the 2006 elections.

Smell you later

A television is being developed that allows viewers to smell what is on screen.

This is just a bit scary, as far as I'm concerned. If I really wanted to smell what was on my TV I'd turn the TV off and make the smell myself.

Wait that didn't come out right.

A psuedonym with any other name would be just as false

I'm done with internet names. I think this is my next step rebelling against the internet monoculture. First it was internet lingo and pictograms, now it's anonymity. I'm not looking to be famous, I just realized that it's silly to hide behind a meaningless blank face. From now on all my posting shall be posted with my real name. Chrysalis no more.

Chrysalis - as a side note - was chosen not for any metaphorical significance, rather it is the title of a story line for comic book series I'm writing. The first issue is currently in mid production. For those curious, the comic book title: I'd Rather Be a Freelance Whore. Hopefully it will be available to the public before the year is out. I'd prefer sooner, but one step at a time.

Uhh, carry on then...

Poetry in motion

I will admit to making fun of women poets. I'll admit to mocking most poets in general, but specifically women poets. And the reason for this is not wholly a sexist thing. I wouldn't go so far as to call myself a feminist (can men be feminists?) but I'm all for equal pay, equal benefits, I even believe women should be drafted (though this last one is for a purely selfish reason, I think there should be as many people possible eligible for the draft so there's a longer list of people before the draft gets to me). I think women and men are at equal standing intellectually, and to a certain extent athletically (I find both women's and men's basketball equally boring). In regard to most any other art form I don't place any weight as to whether the artist is a man or a woman.

Poetry is a whole other matter. Modern Women poets I've read, save one or two, all seem to want to be the next Sylvia Plath. They come out with pretentious poetry, most often with male bashing, damn the patriarchal society diatribes. And because of all these would be Plaths, I never actually read any of the real Plath's work. If this is how they emulated her work, then I couldn't imagine I would like it.

Last night, while driving home from Home depot I was listening to NPR on point, and they played a recording of Sylvia Plath reading her poem Daddy. Daddy was written during the twilight of her life and the recording was taken only a few months before she killed herself. It floored me. It was one of the funniest, most ironic, saddest, touching, cynical, bitter, beautiful poems I have ever heard read in my entire life. I can't recall the last time a poem hit me with such an emotional impact. And I got it. For the first time I understood why so many people try emulating her, and why so many people fail.

Uh.. carry on then.

I hate writing cover letters

see title for more info.

kibbles and bits

My great aunt Lil is unsure of her age and her birthday. This has nothing to do with any infirmity often associated with old age, as she has her full wits about her. It is simply because she doesn't have a birth certificate. She is either 85 or 86, she isn't sure. She grew up poor in Manhattan and family birthday celebrations weren't important due a very simple fact: they didn't have the money to celebrate. Since she doesn't know the date of her birth she now celebrates every year on April 1st. Out of the entire 365 days from which she could choose (366 on a leap year) she choose April Fools day. She's a weird old lady, but my esteem for her rose greatly after learning that little tid bit.

Ever reaching....

Just saw the movie The Right Stuff on TV and it got me thinking. When was the last time we actualy did something really amazing? Something so brilliant the whole world stood on edge? Something so unbelievably outstanding no one would have ever imagined possible fifteen years prior. I want to be able to say "I remember where I was when.." and have it be a good memory I'm referencing.

When did we stop reaching for the stars?

Well this is bogus

I don't know how I even find these things. Apparently I'm a Snarky blogger (scientifically proven after having answered only seven questions! and online questionnaires are never wrong are they?), whatever the hell that means.

You Are a Snarky Blogger!

You've got a razor sharp wit that bloggers are secretly scared of. And that's why they read your posts as often as they can!

What kind of blogger are you?

Man I need to get a life.

I'm doomed to post-humous fame

I've gotten a lot of response (well 10 responses) back on TriggerStreet for my script. It runs either hot or cold, there is no middle ground. The people who don't like it (and they are in the majority) are the same ones who complain that they didn't understand it. Those who said they did understand it enjoyed it immensely.

So I'm stuck. I've worked on one final draft not yet uploaded, and I don't think I will. It's never going to be made anyway so there's that. If it is, it will be one of those independent films a few people think is brilliant (in my opinion, the smart people) while the majority will call it pretentious drivel (and I guess I couldn't blame them either).

It's just a bit frustrating. If no one got it that'd be one thing, but I know there is enough there to really understand the story (because some people do). I just don't know how to make it more clear for everyone else with out ruining the story. I've tried but then it just becomes too expositional and boring. So as far as I'm concerned now, this - my sixth draft - is my final draft; it's done, and anyone who doesn't understand it can bugger off.

I'd create a link so one could dowload it from this blog, only I don't know how to do that.

It's now 4am and I'm still too tired and congested to come up with a closing catchphrase.

Some sort of pun with knows and nose

It's a little after 3:30 am and I can't sleep. My nose is congested and the pressure is keeping me awake. I don't have medical insurance and I can't afford a doctor so I did what any rational person would do. I rolled up into a ball and cried in frustration (I'm awfully tired), then checked Webmd.com to see if maybe I can self-diagnose my problem. Based on my reading I've decided I'm ok, only my nasal lining swells (not an excess of mucus so there is nothing to blow out) restricting my air passages. This is exacerbated due to allergies and I think over use of nasal sprays like afrin (well in this case specifically afrin). I never use Afrin more than three days in a row. What these sprays do is reduce the nasal lining to increase air flow. the down side, when you stop using said sprays the nasal lining becomes more swollen than when you started. Maybe I'm just more susceptible than most, or maybe though I think I'm being frugal with the spray I still use it too frequently. Either way, I have to avoid allergic reactions (cats, well really fluffy cats - so I probably won't be going to my father's house this weekend) take over the counter decongestants, and drink lots of water. Also I have to eat healthier, but I should do that anyway.

I'm far too tired, congested and cranky to come up with a closing catchphrase.

House for sale

The painters finished yesterday and now the house smells like paint. I can't really smell it though becaues my nose is all stuffed up. Graah! If it's not one thing then,....Well it usually is just one thing.

The nation

Red Sox lost to the Yankees 9-2. Dammit! I just have to keep reminding myself it's only the first game, it's only the first game, there will be many more. This is gonna be stuck in my craw all day.

A setback

My movement is starting off very weak. As mentioned in previous posts I frequent Triggerstreet.com a website for amateur screenwriters and filmmakers. On that site they have a plethora of message boards. I don't often post, but I read because during the day I sometimes have naught else to do.

So I started my own thread, basically restating the tenets of my previous post. Needless to say I was overcome with opposition. I continued forward into the fray. Common responses: "It's just easier, people might not understand the underlying meaning behind your words with out the smiley faces, they are tools like punctuation." And so forth. I parried back stating that if one can discern the tone of a novel or an op-ed piece they should be able to do the same with an online posting. If one is so concerned one might be misconstrued one should put more thought into one's language.

Again a barrage of opposition.

I thrust myself back into the discussion, this time attempting to prove my point by composing an entire posting solely in haiku (four haikus to be precise). No one seemed to care and continued disagreeing with me. Finally I yielded, not my point, rather that I would no longer push the issue. And this retreat was posted in Iambic Pentameter, two quatrains of rhyming verse, abab cdcd.

And once again my attempt to show the power of the written word was lost on my fellows on Triggerstreet. Though one can take meaning from this that the written word does not contain the power I once presupposed; I still stand by my thesis. Only now with this addendum: people are more entrenched in this short hand than I previously believed.

Perhaps it is because I studied writing in college; I am lazy in almost every aspect of my life (really gotta get my taxes done) except for what may have to do with language, specifically: writing.


trying a new catchphrase to see if it sticks
"Everything is a miracle. It is a miracle one does not disslove in one's bath like a lump of sugar." -Pablo Picasso

Hidden Gems of the internet

Quick note. There is a blog I've discovered (Beta-English) a while ago who never seemed to post anything. I checked her blog today and found some new posts. One can only hope that she continues on a regular basis, as I thoroughly enjoy her prose. It's a delight to read. She's in my link section (under noodles), one and all should really check her out.

testing out yet another new one
"But don't take my word for it." -Reading Rainbow

I'm starting a movement

I don't understand 98% of all abbreviations used online. I know LOL (Laughing out loud) LMAO (Laughing my ass off) and YMMV (your milage may vary). But that's it. And the last one, YMMV, I would never have figured out on my own; a friend told me what it meant. The abbreviations seem to come out of thin air. It's as if I suddenly started typing YCBAHTWBYCMID and expected people to know what I was talking about (You can bring a horse to water but you can't make it drink). I think it's most discouraging, especially on a medium where for perhaps the first time in history we can try and promote writing as a skill and art form for almost anyone and everyone to participate. It is no longer something beholden to a literary elite but open to anyone who has a computer. An age of literary enlightenment is on the precipice of our generation; all we have to do is reach for it.

In the same vein I'm rallying forces against smiley faces. In a medium where the nuanced written word - the well crafted sentence - can convey a myriad of emotions and ideas we instead use a little smiley face. I was hoping that as a culture we have progressed past the era of the pictogram (as I thought it went out with papyrus). Instead of writing a well thought out sentence to convey our thoughts we type :). I find it disheartening - and I write that instead of typing in :(

Though I might have used the abbreviations - and even the smiley faces - in the past, starting now, NEVER AGAIN.

I'm starting a movement, is anyone with me?

this post, no ending catchphrase. I'm letting the post speak for itself.

jump to see what happened.