For a second I was thinking about putting a post together called fan fiction (see above) but it would be Fan Fiction about fans (you know, the type you use in the summer to keep cool? What, you have air conditioning? Well aren't you a fancy bastard.) and what they do in the winter when they aren't being used. But I figured that would be far too cheesy, and I couldn't come up with a good ending for the the story. Also, it's a dumb idea.
Instead I give you two short shorts I wrote in college. I recently edited one down from 350-ish words to only 200 words. The other one stands as is. They aren't brilliant or anything, but right now they are my favorite things I've ever written, and the only pieces I've been consistently proud of since their inception. So I give you my short CORRESPONDENCE, and THE WOULD BE ANGEL
The fight ended when Pa came out to dance. The sheep were the first to join, with their bleating and lack of any rhythm. Then the cows partnered up. It seemed silly at first, them on two legs with their udders flapping for the world to see as they danced the jitterbug in their pens. The chickens, arguably the best dancers, even better than Pa, started to swing with the roosters on the loft in the barn over the hay.
The goats wouldn’t dance, beneath their dignity I guess.
The ducks danced ballet and their pirouettes were the finest I’d ever seen.
Just as the pigs brought out their breakdancing mats, Ma came out of the house and smacked Pa on the back of his head.
“Don’t you get the animals riled up again, remember what happened to your horses.” She said.
Pa lowered his head and walked back into the house, caressed lovingly by Ma. The animals stopped dancing, only the goats seemed satisfied.
The fight was all drained out of us as we remember what happened to the horses. Last we heard they were performing on Broadway but we aren’t sure cause they don’t send us postcards anymore.
An Angel decided to see what it was like being a man so it grew a penis and went to Earth.
“Hey, look at that funny looking angel.” A little boy said to his sister.
“I’m not an angel, I’m a man, look at my penis.” The Angel retorted.
“No you aren’t.” The sister said. “Men don’t walk around naked.” So quickly the angel put on some pants.
“See, I’m a man.” The Angel said now dressed.
“No you aren’t. Men don’t have wings.” The brother said.
“Oh.” So the Angel took off it’s wings and placed them on the ground. Quickly the brother and sister each took a wing held hands and started to fly.
“Hey! Where are you going with my wings?” The Angel asked.
“Your wings? They can’t be your wings.” The airborne couple replied.
“Why not?” The Angel asked angrily.
“Because men don’t have wings.” The siblings said as they flew up to heaven.
“I guess not.” The man admitted as he watched the two children grow smaller in the distance.
The One Where I Bought a New House
2 days ago