Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Fan Fiction

For a second I was thinking about putting a post together called fan fiction (see above) but it would be Fan Fiction about fans (you know, the type you use in the summer to keep cool? What, you have air conditioning? Well aren't you a fancy bastard.) and what they do in the winter when they aren't being used. But I figured that would be far too cheesy, and I couldn't come up with a good ending for the the story. Also, it's a dumb idea.

Instead I give you two short shorts I wrote in college. I recently edited one down from 350-ish words to only 200 words. The other one stands as is. They aren't brilliant or anything, but right now they are my favorite things I've ever written, and the only pieces I've been consistently proud of since their inception. So I give you my short CORRESPONDENCE, and THE WOULD BE ANGEL

The fight ended when Pa came out to dance. The sheep were the first to join, with their bleating and lack of any rhythm. Then the cows partnered up. It seemed silly at first, them on two legs with their udders flapping for the world to see as they danced the jitterbug in their pens. The chickens, arguably the best dancers, even better than Pa, started to swing with the roosters on the loft in the barn over the hay.
The goats wouldn’t dance, beneath their dignity I guess.
The ducks danced ballet and their pirouettes were the finest I’d ever seen.
Just as the pigs brought out their breakdancing mats, Ma came out of the house and smacked Pa on the back of his head.
“Don’t you get the animals riled up again, remember what happened to your horses.” She said.
Pa lowered his head and walked back into the house, caressed lovingly by Ma. The animals stopped dancing, only the goats seemed satisfied.
The fight was all drained out of us as we remember what happened to the horses. Last we heard they were performing on Broadway but we aren’t sure cause they don’t send us postcards anymore.


An Angel decided to see what it was like being a man so it grew a penis and went to Earth.

“Hey, look at that funny looking angel.” A little boy said to his sister.

“I’m not an angel, I’m a man, look at my penis.” The Angel retorted.

“No you aren’t.” The sister said. “Men don’t walk around naked.” So quickly the angel put on some pants.

“See, I’m a man.” The Angel said now dressed.

“No you aren’t. Men don’t have wings.” The brother said.

“Oh.” So the Angel took off it’s wings and placed them on the ground. Quickly the brother and sister each took a wing held hands and started to fly.

“Hey! Where are you going with my wings?” The Angel asked.

“Your wings? They can’t be your wings.” The airborne couple replied.

“Why not?” The Angel asked angrily.

“Because men don’t have wings.” The siblings said as they flew up to heaven.

“I guess not.” The man admitted as he watched the two children grow smaller in the distance.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

the internet is a weird weird place

Basically I blame Reddit, and places like it.

A whole lot of strange

Please don't watch this at work, because I'd hate for you to get fired. No nudity, but pretty darn close.

Completely safe for work, though equally oddly mesmerizing.

And finally I give you the epitome of awesome:

I should be doing work.

Monday, April 19, 2010

little bits of minor awesome

Met the big boss at Tribeca, the one who isn't Bob. Her assistants were out and I was working out of their office today. She asked my name and when she found it was hebrew we spoke briefly about both our abilities to understand the language better than we speak. She tried saying "I can understand but I can't speak" in Hebrew, but as it is a gender specific language even though she got the words right generally speaking, she conjugated them completely incorrectly. I was too scared to correct her so I let it slide, and smiled at her attempt. But it was a good first impression over all I guess.

Also, I'm going to be getting an industry pass to the Tribeca Film Festival this year, which theoretically means I can get into any event or screening. I say in theory because I'm not really supposed to use it, and as such am still a bit unclear as to why I'm even getting one. Though I'm not complaining at all. It's my first real pass for myself. In the past all the industry passes I got were in someone else's name (ie. my various bosses) that'd I'd borrow when they wanted me to watch a film they couldn't make and write up a report for them about said film. It's gonna be neat having one with my name on it with a picture that says industry. Almost like I'm actually doing what I want for a living, though not quite.

Starting another gig at a smaller production office in the city near penn station. It's just one day a week, but hopefully it will open doors to a job somewhere else, and I need to remember to talk to people at tribeca to become a reader for them official like, and get paid for it, as was suggested to me by the vp of development there. It's not a lot of money, but every little bit helps. Was going to talk to them today but got busy and didn't get around to it. Either next week or after the festival when everything calms down a bit.

I think that's all the little bits of minor awesome I have going on right now. Nothing that special, or even really that awesome, but I have to take what I can get. Beggar's can't be choosers you know.

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Don't Shoot the Messenger

today at work:

Boss Lady: Ami take this briefcase to 420 lexington, call this number, and give it to Dave, who will be waiting in his car.

In my head: that doesn't sound sketchy at all.
at 420 Lex I make the call

Dave: I'm not there, I'm in a black escalade at the corner of 50th and 3rd. Bring the briefcase to me there.

At the corner of 50th and 3rd there is a black escalade with all it's windows tinted completely black and a very obese man (Dave) who looks like he stepped out of an episode of the Sopranos.

Me: Are you Dave?

Dave: Yep, that's for me?

And I hand him the briefcase. A hand reaches from the back and quickly takes the case from Dave. I didn't even know there was anybody in there.

Dave (jokingly): Do I need to sign anything?

Me: Uh.....

In my head: What the hell did I just do? This was legal, right? I can't go to jail. I'm too pretty to be locked up.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

My angry thoughts on stupid stuff

I'm a reader. It's just something I like doing, be it in comic books, magazines, novels, non-fiction, newspapers, or online, I just like reading.

Forever I've been reading online, on gaming sites (because I also like video games) all these people complaining about DRM, and other ways gaming companies "screw" with the players to prevent piracy. Now I don't play games (I refuse to use the word "game" as a verb) on my computer (if I did I'd really never get any work done, best I don't have any computer games, and spend any time gaming on a consul) but all the complaining needs to stop.

You want all these precautionary measures to stop, it's simple, stop stealing the fucking game. Piracy may seem like small potatoes to you, but it's fucking stealing, and there is no way one could morally claim the high ground if you are fucking stealing a product. Now, whether you like it or not, video game companies make their money making and selling video games. I don't care what sort of rational you use, but downloading and playing a game that you didn't pay for, and never intend to pay for, is stealing, and stealing is wrong.

I don't care if you think the prices are too high, or the game is flawed, or that it has DRM or other anti-piracy measures, it's still fucking stealing. If you really wanted to make a statement about the game, don't fucking buy it. If you truly are morally against a gaming company treating their customers like potential thieves, then Don't. Buy. The. Game. It's really that simple. By stealing the game all you do is prove them right, and then the escalation starts.

The gaming company owes you nothing. Just like any other product out there, they are trying to make money. If I don't like Starbucks, or Mcdonalds, or Dunkin' Donuts, I don't steal their food/coffee/snacks, and then complain how much they suck. The reason I don't do this, it's fucking stupid, and STEALING IS WRONG. If you don't like a product don't buy it. Rebellion is starting a boycott. Rebellion is buying the competitor's games. Stealing is just you being a self-righteous prick who wants something for nothing, and then wants to complain about it.

If you pay for a game and the anti-piracy measures actually fucks up the actual game play, you can always ask for your money back. I don't know how customer friendly the gaming companies are to users who actually purchased the game, but if there are customer service issues you just learned a very valuable lesson and shouldn't do business (stealing counts as business) with said gaming company in the future.

And the best way to avoid that whole senario is to read up on the games. There are a million billion websites out there devoted to video games. Doing just a teensy bit of research can save you money as to which games to buy, and time. Any other argument that claims stealing is the answer is fucking retarded.*

PC Gamers, I'm sick of it, grow the fuck up.

*OK, so there is the privacy argument, which basically is arguing that the gaming companies force you to trade some of your privacy rights for their security, and this is actually a good argument. Not as an advocacy for stealing or pirating the game, but rather, why some measures should be changed to protect the customer's privacy, and until they do, a boycott is in order.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Oh happy day

Good news everybody.

First Charlie is moving back to the grand ol' USA, and only about two hours away from me, which makes the news even greater. She is by far my favorite favorite friend with whom I barely speak. I'm just really bad about keeping up my correspondences.

The second cool thing, I'm updating this blog via my new iPod touch. I wanted to move to the city with a friend but can't really afford to right now, so to console myself I purchased this handy gizmo. Yes, I know such purchases will keep me in queens even longer, but shut up about it- why can't you let me have anything cool? Jerks.

I don't think I'll ever post using this again because now my thumbs kinda hurt and it took way too long. I don't know how kids text all day long. It would drive me nuts.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Signs of the apocalypse

Sign one: I got a cell phone about a month and a half ago.

Sign two: I joined facebook three days ago.

Sign three: I have a personal trainer for four sessions at the gym I just joined (not one of the signs, I can exercise with out the world coming to an end) and we were supposed to meet today for the second session, but he texted me to cancel till tomorrow. Instead of calling him, so help me, because I didn't really want to talk to him, I texted him back moving the session to monday, since I'm busy all day tomorrow and sunday.

Three things a year a go I thought I'd never do. Things I kinda regret having done (not the gym thing though, I've been meaning to do that for ever).

The four horsemen must not be so far behind.

also, unrelated, I still owe robin a mix cd and the bracelet I bought her in Hong Kong. I sent the CD once and apparently to the wrong address because it came back to me. I was going to do it again, but then didn't. So if Robin (who has since quit blogging) still reads this, I know I owe you these things, they'll come eventually.