Friday, December 29, 2006

now wii're cooking!

Last night at work I came up with the next really big game for the Nintendo Wii. If this game ever comes out I want you all to say that I came up with it first - even if no one asks about it. You should just go up to strangers and say that this guy Amichai came up with this idea (blank amount of time) ago. And when they say "Who are you and why are you in my house?" You should reply, "Yeah, I know, it's totally awsome! Pass broccoli please." That last bit is for your health, because I don't think any of you are eating enough greens. You'll thank me later.

What is this big hit, I know you're wondering? Iron Chef the video game. Using the motion sensitive Wii controler you must chop, stir, season, bake, drizzle, dice, fry and blend your way to the perfect meal in under one hour. It's a cooking lesson (as all recipe options one uses in the game can be done in real life) and a competitive video game all in one. Play against the computer, against a freind, against a stranger online. Whose cuisine will reign supreme?

It's the next level of gaming for kids and adults of all ages who aren't interested in traditional video games.

Only problem is I don't think it'll be compatible with Nonny's gaming vest.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Blogs, apparently, are not worthless (wow)

Ask and ye shall receive.

A little while ago I posted this.

My pal Charlie who reads this blog occasionally (unbeknownst to me until very recently) went out - by which I mean followed my link - and actually got me the t-shirt. So Charlie Rocks!

Charlie rocks anyway, she's just rocking harder right now. If any body else wants to rock as hard as Charlie, I'd be happy to inform you of the other things I want that you can purchase for me from the comfort of your own computer.

Next on my list, I realize after reading many comments that I unintentionally mislead many of you in my last post. I was confused at first when I read the comments, then, upon re-reading my post, I realized the problem. The previous post was not actually a dream I had. I was bored at work and was playing around and wrote that as a little prose poem, or dialogue for something yet to be written, or a prelude to a short story also yet to be written, or I don't know why, I was just bored. The beginning of "I had a dream..." was a mistake (as it works for the fiction of the poem/dialogue/prelude to a short story, just not the regular accounting of my life via this blog).

Though based on some of the comments, I don't know this makes me less weird now you know it's not actually a dream I had, or more weird as this is the sort of stuff I think about on my own, fully conscious.

And finally, I have become addicted to the game Snood. I can't stop playing it. I should be doing all sorts of other work, but instead I am playing snood. If you don't know snood, I recommend not finding out because it's insanely addictive. And if you know snood, then you know my problem.

Glad I straightened out the record. Readers (all five of you out there) be good to your neighbors, you never know who is secretly a psycho-killer bent on revenge for the horrid injustice of the world. Or, as a wiser man than me once said "Love your neighbors as you love yourselves, just choose your neighborhood carefully."

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Sweets before bed

I had a dream where I was the king of all marshmallows, only there was an attempted violent coup d'etat with military backing from the neighboring ocean of swedish fish. This of course led to war. I fought them as hard as I could with my army of gumdrop armed marshmallow men and women (as all my dreams exist in a perfect egalitarian world). The battlefield was strewn with the dismembered remains of gummy and marshmallowy guts. Sweet syrupy sugar blood carmilized the killing grounds tan.

In the end we were conquered by the swedes and I was forced to abdicate my licorice throne. They kept trying to put me to death, but my flesh and bone body was far too strong for their toffee gullitine.

Instead they decided to drown me in a tank of butterscotch, where the gooey liquid would congeal around me like amber over a fly, and I'd be put on display as the only man ever to rule over candy - their once and future king.

Monday, December 11, 2006

A Cat-tastrophy

I don't know if there is an equivelent of "Cat Lady" for guys, but I have a strong feeling/fear that if there is I will be said "Cat Guy" (which shouldn't be confused with the lame Batman villan Cat-man - a not quite third rate knock-off of Catwoman - though Gail Simone has done some great things actually making him an interesting character, but I digress).

I was walking home from my father's synogogue on Friday night and this kitten, an adorable sivler colored kitten, starts following me home. It was dying for attention and I would have guessed it to be someone's pet - being that it was so comfortable with people. Only it didn't have a collar so it was a stray (or at least a house cat that accidently escaped and now didn't know what to do). I really, really (I can't stress this enough) wanted to take the cat home and adopt it, because it was so cute and needy and cute. Only I my folks already have two cats and there isn't room for any more (well there is, but they don't want another one).

Which makes me scared for when I have a place of my own again ( I miss having my own place) that I'll adopt stray cats left and right. And I know I will too. I'm going to grow up and be the scary guy on the block with hundreds of cats going to and fro through my house/apartment/shack/tent/cardboard box. It's scary, but I know it's gonna happen.

Also, the era of internet tests has yet to come to a close. Behold, a test to determine my political beliefs:

You scored as Democrat. <'Imunimaginative's Deviantart Page'>

















What Political Party Do Your Beliefs Put You In?
created with

This is actually the second time I took it. The first time it said I was 8% nazi, which didn't make my sense to me at all. I may be many things (actually I am many things) but Nazi is definitely not one of them.

I think it's because I answered I was a little racist. Which is true. I think everyone is a little racist, or prejudiced or whatever you want to call it. It's human nature to be suspicious of people who are different. I'm not saying everyone is a (instert skin color, race, religion ect. here) supremicist, just that everyone has a natural inclination towards homogeny. It's why you get neighborhoods like Little Italy, or Chinatown, or The Lower East side (at least back in the early 20th century when it was mostly Jewish) in New York. And there isn't anything wrong with that. As long as you don't let it control you, you'll be fine. But to claim outright that there isn't prejudiced bone in your body is just lying to yourself.

Ok, rant over.

And I still insist I'm not even the slightest bit a nazi.

(also, I don't get the whole 67% anarchist, but I'm not gonna get into it. It's really a stupid test, but as devoted readers know, I love 'em).

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Happiness = breakdancing robots

Really, when you boil it down what can possibly be better than Breakdancing Transformers?

Could it possibly be Monkey punching dinosaurs? What about cats that look like hitler? Are either of those better?

I don't know, it's really hard to top Breakdancing Transformers.

But if anything can it's gotta be this hideous, evil, yet hilarious, and very wrong Blog.

Thanks to Merc, and Dorothy for having these links on their pages for me to steal.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Brain drippings

It's official, I want to add this t-shirt to the list of things I want:

I mean come on, how cool is this? Take that you emo bastards!

Also, I have some a website for you kiddos to check out and love (if you don't already).

Overheard in New York Sometimes I can't believe the things that happen in this city, and sometimes I get nervous I'll wind up on this site.

And now I shall leave with with the religious thought of the day. As the Lord once said: "Be Fruitfull and multiply." Alright you heathens, you heard the Lord, go out there and get your groove on, it's a religious imperitive.

Monday, November 27, 2006

I think I might be running out of things to say

I'm hoping this one is pretty self-explanatory.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Have A Happy Thanksgiving

Or for any international readers:

Have A Happy Thursday.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Just because (or, it's late, I'm bored, and I don't want to go to sleep yet)

So I was really bored at work this past week and my work buddy at Tribeca (my fellow intern) said I should create a Myspace page. I think Myspace is utterly ridiculous and very, very inane. But, I was bored, and she was insistent, mostly because she too was bored and wanted something to read (assuming I'd come up with something clever for my Myspace page). So now I have a myspace page. It's really lame, and I don't plan on really doing anything with it. I'm just keeping it until said buddy/fellow intern gets bored with it and then I'll take it down. I only mention this out of a interest of full disclosure, so no one thinks I'm hiding anything, I’m letting you know of my newest secret embarrassment (yes I am embarrassed, I now - albeit temporarily - have become a myspace person. Grahh!).

Luckily however, I shall not be alone in my embarrassment. Below you'll find a video of the aforementioned co-worker. As you'll notice she has a strange obsession with one of the dances from an older iPod commercial. This is actually her (I took it from her Myspace page) not some random video I found, so keep your minds out of the gutter. Don't worry though, she wears more at work.

Final note: J_ recently said that she thinks I should stop blogging about my daily adventures and devote this blog to essays/articles about pop culture and such (probably reviews of movies/comics/tv/ ect. As well). I don’t' think I really have the background to do this competently, and I said I probably wouldn't do that. Only the more I think about it, the more I wonder. I wonder how it would affect the few readers that I have if I did in fact change this blog? Would it be a change you'd all appreciate or something you'd rather not read? I can't say that I'd change my mind based on any of your thoughts, as J_ does have the most sway, I'm just curious what you all think.

All right, carry on then....

Monday, November 06, 2006

Why I am super cool!!!!

This weekend I...

Saw Borat in the theater (matinee showing).

Watched all six episodes of FLCL on DVD.

Watched Chumscruber on HBO.

Rented then watched Inside Man.

Rented and played God of War. (more hours this weekend spent playing this game then sleeping)

Read all four collections of Grant Morrison's run on the comic series Doom Patrol (can't find a good link to explain what this is).

And save seeing Borat I did this all by myself, alone, never actually leaving my couch save for food, bathroom and sleep.

I'm the coolest!!!!

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Do you ever...

...Compose your blog entry in your head during the day while whatever you want to blog about is still happening, then forget it when you get home and get angry even though it's only a silly blog?

...Leave a single cookie left in the cookie jar/package/dish/ect. because you don't want to be the one to throw away or clean up said jar/package/dish/ect.?

...Pretend you don't have change when a homeless person asks you for change, because you think you might actually need or deserve those fifty-three cents more than the person with no home?

...Have gay sex dreams (or if you're gay, have straight sex dreams) and even though you aren't gay (or straight) you still find yourself aroused upon waking?

...Walk into doorposts and glass windows because you just aren't paying attention?

...Feel the urge to stand up in the middle of a street with a big sign that says "JESUS SAVES: BUT ONLY WHEN HE OPENS AN ACCOUNT AT CHASE MANHATTAN BANK."?

...Feel bad that you can name Disney's seven dwarfs*, but have no idea who the Mercury Seven are** (let alone being able to name all seven of them***)?

...Wonder why we learn all about Neil Armstrong****, but are never taught about Yuri Gagarin*****?

...Wear underwear that is clearly dirty, just because you are too lazy to do your laundry?

...Sing the wrong lyrics to a song, then try and play it off like you did that on purpose?

Yeah, I don't do those things either.

*Sleepy, Dopey, Sneezy, Happy, Grumpy, Bashful, and Doc
**The first seven American Men in Space (they went up in the Mercury Missions)
***M. Scott Carpenter, L. Gordon Cooper, John Glenn Jr., Virgil "Gus" Grissom, Walter Schirra, Alan Shepard, Donald "Deke" Slayton
****First man on the Moon
*****First man in space (he was Russian, which is why he's left out of American text books)

Monday, October 23, 2006

Eye candy

I was going to post this on my site, because I thought it was Awesome (with a capitol A), but I figured it'd be best if I directed you to Amber's blog because with or without this video, her site is very much worth reading.

Anyway, if you want to see the best would be Snickers commercial ever (and you really really do) click the Snickers.

Trust me. It's Snickertastic.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Why is this week taking so long?

I don't know what it is, but I feel like I've lived entire lifetimes in between the passing of the days. This is like the week that eternity built. Whatever it is, I'm sick of it already. I want this week to be over.

Anyone who can tell me why the week is so slow (and it hasn't even been a bad week or anything) please, let me know, and don't forget to show your work. I won't accept any equations without seeing the work that got you there. E=MC2 just isn't gonna cut it for me.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Dear person in the office who never flushes the toilet after using it,


It's distgusting.

And you better hope I don't find out who you are, because there are swirlies in your own filth in your future if I do.

That is all.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

I hate Manure*

First bit of news: You just know it's gonna be a funtastic** day when your first moments at work is spent in the bathroom cleaning off the horse shit from your shoe. Stupid mounted Police. There should be a special squad dedicated to following the horses around and cleaning up the manure.

Though I guess it's a little bit my fault not watching where I was walking. I mean, it was a big steaming pile of shit in the middle of the sidewalk. How did I miss that? Seriously?

Second bit of news: I applied to my current dream job on Monday and I know that I'm not gonna get it; probably won't even get interviewed, though I'll be on edge for the next week or so. The job: Assistant Editor for DC Comics. It wasn't a random sending of Resume; they have that listed as a position they are trying to fill on their Job Listings on (that's the parent company). I also applied for an administrative assistant position for the creative services dept. at Marvel Comics (as listed on Not exactly my dream job, but one I'd snap up in a heartbeat. God, I need a real job. So keep your fingers crossed kiddos.

Third bit of news: For all you TV junkies out there. Why aren't you watching Battlestar Galactica? I just saw the third season Premier. Holy Jesus. Best Show On Television. It blew my mind. Take everything that's good about Lost, then take away all the annoying crap, then multiply it by ten and that's how good Battlestar is. If you like Lost, or any Lost styled show (Heroes, The Nine, ect.) then you really should be watching Battlestar. It's quite possibly the best, smartest, most suspenseful, action packed and thoroughly engaging show on TV outside of Deadwood. Nothing else I've seen so far this season has even come close to being as good as Battlestar. Watch it, you'll get hooked.

*Kudos to anyone who got this mildly obtuse refrence to Back to the Future. You're just as big as a dork as I am. Good for you.
**Funtastic = Fun + Fantastic. A portmanteaus word for those curious.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

because I only blog about music for some reason

OK, that isn't really true but my horizons are being expanded and I've decided to share with all of you.

You ought to thank Dorothy (who still doesn't know about my secret crush) from Cat and Girl because I wouldn't have found this otherwise.

And now, here is my favorite song of the moment (who knows what it'll be tomorrow?).


Oh, yeah, the band, it's a chinese band called My Little Airport. The song is a remix, but I like their regular stuff too (at least the stuff I was able to hear on their website).

Monday, September 25, 2006

I don't know whether to Laugh, Cry, or Crap my pants in sheer Terror

To all of you who wonders what the true face of evil looks like, I give you Prussian Blue.

Aren't they just adorable?

Aside from any other idealogical problems I might have, I have to admit, this article brings front and center a demon of mine I need to get out in the open. As one who wouldn't have been considered white forty years ago (and there still are country clubs I can't get into because they don't consider me white) I have also been concerned about the quality of white babies being in decline.

And if you are interested you can buy those cute smiley face t-shirts Here

Don't even get me started on what their band name is a reference to (also check under this wikipedia entry).

And for those of you who just can't get enough of those wonderful girls, I give you their Homepage. Revel in teenie bopper hitler folk rock insanity.

Now if you'll excuse me I have to decide whether to kill myself or kill everyone else. Frankly, based on my mood right now, I'm leaning towards the latter.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Dear jerks on the New Jersey highways who cut me off in the passing lane then slowed down

Don't Do That! God I hate New Jersey. It's a fine place to be from, but I honestly have no idea why anyone would want to live there.

So the internet in my house hasn't been working, which explains my absense from the blogosphere (grahh! I can't believe I actually used that term and that I am considering myself part of it. I think I might need this t-shirt from here - second one down). Anway, I'm back and good to go.

Stuff happened, but we move on. Saw J_ this past weekend. Visited her up at her college (Upstate NY - five hour drive). Felt very old when hanging out with one of her freinds who still needs to wear braces. It's funny, when I was there I had a very hard time falling asleep in her bed being that it was a dorm room bed and not nearly big enough for the both of us to sleep in comfortably. But when I got home, last night, I found I had an equally hard time falling asleep without her next to me. Irony abounds.

For those curious, the newest draft of my screenplay TALES FROM ATOM CITY has been uploaded on I plan on finding some compititions to send said script out to, only I wanted the feedback just to make sure that it is solid.

If you would like to read said script, I have found a way around the Triggerstreet system and just by CLICKING ON THIS LINK* you will be directed to an online pdf version of the script.

Once again, just CLICK ON THIS LINK**

This is a limited time offer. I plan on taking down the link in one week from today, just because I get to nervous having my work uploaded all over the place. It is a wga registered script (which is akin to getting it copywritten) but still, I get nervous. Thus, if you care to read it, and you are under no obligation to do so, I hope you enjoy.

Oh yeah, terms of note: INT.=Interior; EXT.=Exterior, I/E.=Both Interior and Exterior (the director gets to choose which parts of the convesation are filmed from which angle); MONTAGE = a series of shots juxtaposed to tell a larger story; (V.O)=Voice Over; (O.S)=Off Screen. And I think that's all you need to know. And for those curious, the general rule of thumb is one page in a script = one minute of screen time.

And I goofed on the title page. It says "Something into Nothing" which was the old working title. Tales From Atom City is the new working title. If any of you actually do read this, and have a brilliant idea for a real title, please let me know. I am crap when it comes to coming up with titles.

Cheers for now.

*Though it took me a while, I finally followed through on my threat (or reward depending on whether or not you liked the script) and the link has been taken down.
**See previous footnote.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Land of the Frozen North at Summertime

Right then.

As you have probably already learned from Rawbean's Rant I was in Winnipeg this past weekend. I was thinking about posting about my travels earlier in the week, yet found myself without the time to sit down and actually write it all down. This has been my first moment since returning home with the time and energy both to give a faithful account of my travels. So, without any further ado, here we go.

Outside of stories, one's life doesn't so much work in circles. Granted there are cycles that occur in life (as we all know history does repeat itself), but I am speaking more in lines of the circles one finds in works of fiction. The fact that I can bookmark this story, giving it a strange circular quality, both pleases and concerns me.

Regardless, it starts:

Seven fifteen Friday morning at LaGuardia airport I saw a woman who shouldn't be allowed to dress herself and then go out in public. Maybe five feet tops, wearing bright pink, yellow, blue and purple socks with "cute" cats and dogs sheathed in black rubber sandals. Her black pants, seemingly Capri, would fit like regular pants had she not worn them pulled up to her ribcage (thus making her ass seem as if it was the same length as her legs). Into the those pants she had tucked in a light pink cotton shirt. She was skinny, with short cropped grey hair, no older than sixty-five, no younger than fifty, with a very severe face - as if she was both frustrated and confused, not so much by anything specific but by the world around her - and all the time. I'm guessing she was a hippie back in the day and is now frustrated that the world has passed her by and who has yet to learn how to dress like a person.

This woman, who was taking her sweet time trying to figure out how to use the electronic check in machine, bothered me to no end. Each time she touched the electronic screen she hastily withdrew her fingers to her bosom, as if the machine would bite off the tips of her fingers if she lingered too long.

I just wanted to check my luggage and sit down. It was an early flight, and I'd been up since six thirty. I was already in a bad mood as I had been the day previous; J_ was already up in Syracuse for school having left Thursday morning. I figured this to be the start of a very long, long weekend.

The trip itself is uneventful otherwise. From LaGuardia to Toronto, and from Toronto to Winnipeg. We land (we = me and my mom) and we walk over to a different gate to meet up with my friend Jason. Then we (we=the three of us) walked over, picked up our rental car, and drove into the city.

Then the eating commenced, and it didn't end until my departure from Canada. First there was a dinner at the bride's house hosted by her parents. It was a small affair, the bride's immediate family, the groom's immediate family, and any other out of town guests (said out of town guests consisted solely of myself, Jason, and my mother). Dinner consumed, we realized it was time to drive to the Rabbi's house before the Sabbath started (my mother is more religious than I am and won't drive on the Sabbath).

Brief interlude: I was scared I'd be spending more money than I had on travel and accommodations. Luckily, however, there is a bond among Rabbis. My father was in the same graduating class as the local Rabbi in Winnipeg back when they both graduated from rabbinical school. Though they weren't ever really close, and though they hadn't really spoken in about twenty years or so, after receiving an e-mail from my mother he said "Of course you can stay with me." End interlude

The Rabbi's house was a bit of a mess (by bit read "extremely messy") but it's understandable, as he had just returned home from vacation and his children were both in the midst of getting ready to go back to college. In any case it was but the Rabbi and his eldest son home that weekend. They waited until the Sabbath to start the Sabbath meal and once again we ate dinner (that's two dinners on Friday night).

Saturday we went to services at the synagogue for the ufroof (a Jewish tradition where the groom - and now our more egalitarian times bride and groom - are called up to the the torah and say a special blessing on the Sabbath before their marriage) and stayed for the luncheon afterwards. It was nice, a few salads: egg, tuna, and Caesar; with of course the needed (it was a Jewish affair) bagels and cream cheese. I don't want to insinuate that I'm some sort of bagel snob, but I was very disappointed with Winnipeg bagels. They tasted less like bagels and more like regular bread just cut to look like a bagel. Still the bread they tasted like was good bread and I enjoyed my lunch. Unbeknownst to Jason, and me the Rabbi was having a lunch afterwards at his house and invited over a few more guests.

So back we went to the Rabbi's for a second lunch. I ate less of this lunch being it was Chili with Italian sausage. This second lunch ran long. The rabbi, a very friendly man, is also a man who enjoys a ritualistic formality. Before the meal we made kiddish (the traditional Jewish blessing over wine before Sabbath meals) over scotch instead of wine and took our time sipping our drinks and shmoozing. Then we moved onto a course of turkish salad, humus, and pita and Challah (a jewish egg bread which if you've never had, you're missing out). From there, when we finished those appetizers, we moved on to the main course, the previously mentioned chili and salad.

Lunch was a good two hours long, if not a bit longer, when my mother and I had to excuse ourselves early. The rehearsal dinner was at the Old Spaghetti Factory in the Forks, about three and a half miles away, and being that my mother won't drive on the Sabbath we decided to walk there, leaving at 3:30 an hour before the event was scheduled to start.

We were all warned that to walk from the Rabbi's house to the Forks we'd be walking through the bad part of town. The "dangerous" part of Winnipeg. Jason claims this is just me and my mom being NY snobs (something I took to offense being that I haven't even lived here a year, and regardless how long I live here, I will never really consider myself a New Yorker) that we thought comparatively, how dangerous could Winnipeg really be? I can't speak for all of Winnipeg all the time, but this particular "bad" area on main street through which we walked, was not dangerous at all - at least not at three-thirty in the afternoon under a clear blue sky and bright hot sun.

We got there a little late, but still before many people who were only staying in the hotel across the street, and about two hours after we finished our second lunch, began to eat our dinner.

After dinner we hung out in the forks until sunset (when the Sabbath ends) and then drove my mom back to the Rabbi's so she could meet up with friends she has in Winnipeg. At the Rabbi's house I then, feeling a bit nervous and awkward called Rawbean. And so we met at the Second Cup coffee shop in Osborne village. Osborne village = the small hipster area of Winnipeg.

For the record (specifically to those who do read Rawbean's rant): My name is pronounced pretty much how she said, only it isn't a soft H but a hard one, as if you had something caught in your throat. A bit guttural, very hebrew/arabic sounding. It's not that I prefer "Ami" (Ah-me) rather it's much easier for people to say. I can't really think of a single person who calls me by my first name, family included. I just generally sign my name "Amichai" because too often if I just write "Ami" people think it's a strange spelling of "Amy" and assume I'm a girl. I am not a girl (though I do enjoy watching "The Gilmore Girls" and "Grey's Anatomy"). And I don't have an accent, everyone else has an accent, I speak just fine. And I'm living in Queens, not Brooklyn, but that is really neither her nor there (well it's actually Here and not There, but you know what I mean).

Rawbean was nice, and it wasn't strange meeting her. Every so often it was odd realizing that this very nice Canadian girl behind the blog I read so often. But other than that it was a very pleasent evening, and a very chill way to spend my time after doing so much the previous two days.

The wedding the next day was nice, though Jason and I were seated and the strange cousins table. The wedding and reception both were held in the synagogue and was about 96 people total. There wasn't a lot of dancing going on and most people there were family, the bride's family to be specific. The groom had his immediate family there, an aunt, and me and Jason and my mom (and two of the groom's mother's friends who were also friends with my mom, all from the same town I grew up in).

And again we ate. And ate. And ate. There was a lot of food going on. We hung out, felt strange at the awkward cousins table, made more polite small talk than we ever felt we'd be capable of, and then retired to our hotel room. The Rabbi was off driving his son back to college so for our final night in Winnipeg we stayed at the Hampton Suites hotel on the recommendation of Rawbean (and it was very nice, so for that I must take this moment to thank Rawbean for her advice).

Jason and I were exhausted and we just dropped into our respective beds and watched Canadian television. Well actually we stopped on TBS and watched the Mummy, but it was in Canada so I'm gonna say it was Canadian television.

Four hours pass and it's time once again to head to the bride's family's house for a smaller after party for those who couldn't make the wedding (ie. weren't invited due to monetary reasons) and the out of towners who were still in town. We knew left overs would be served, but said left overs turned out just to be the desserts. Not so bad, so we ate dessert with out a dinner. It was a very nice time. The Brides' father grew up in some small farm in Saskatchewan and his whole family's idea of a good time is to sit around, pull out their instruments, and play bluegrass and country music. I'm told someone even yodels in Yiddish, but either it never happened or it only occurred after I left.

Still, for some reason feeling we needed to eat some more, Jason and I went back out to Osborn village and got some food at the Billabong.

Again, woke up early the following day to catch my flight. Delayed transferring in Montreal and finally arrived home around five o'clock on Monday afternoon.

There I stood, next to my mother waiting for our luggage to go around the little carousel at LaGuardia. My mother on her cell phone telling my father that we finally arrived. Bored, tired, cranky, lacking the constant flow of either food or activities thus reverting back to the missing of J_, I turned around. Who did I see standing behind me? None other than that strange woman who started the whole thing.

This time dressed far more sensibly. I couldn't help but smile and wave hello.

Monday, August 21, 2006

I kinda wish I had a camera so I could post pictures

Princess Pessimism once remarked that my life, i.e my blog - to her - reads like a movie. I don't know exactly how I feel about this, but now that thought is in the back of my mind as I write this post. (if you are curious why she thinks this, I believe said notion was derived from this post)

Movie or no, this weekend I took a trip with J_ to Boston. First because I missed the darn place, and second because J_ had never been to Boston previous. I had no car available to me that weekend thus we took the Chinatown Fung Wa bus. Simply put it's a bus that goes from Chinatown NY to Chinatown Boston (well South station Boston, though it used to go direct to Chinatown). It's reletivly nice, and it's only 15 bucks one way, cheaper than any other bus line that I know.

Once again traffic sucks. It took us five and a half hours to get from city to city, which is at least an hour and a half too long. Damn you again interstate 95 and your incessant construction. But we were smart enough to take the noon oclock bus and still arrived before dinner time.

The Plan: stay with my freind Jeff. Jeff's plan, help his freind Jim move into a brand new house (Yay for Jim, first time home owner!). Jeff wouldn't be back into the city until later that evening giving us ample free time. J_, having hated being cooped up for so long, insisted that we walk around for the next five and a half hours to make up for the five and a half hours spent on the bus.

I love Boston, I really do, which is why I had no problems walking around downtown and into some other neighborhoods. I decided she'll get a nice walking tour of my old stomping grounds, where I used to hang out.

Ok, we started at South Station, which is kinda where the big Route 93 icon is above Chinatown. We walked down Boylston through Chinatown, around and through the Commons and the Gardens, down Beacond street to Berkely, then back up Beacon, walking down Charles street through Beacon Hill. We then took Cambridge street up to Government center (City Hall) and through there to Faniuel Hall/Quincy Market. That was about two hours of walking so far. I shared stories about my dorm life at Emerson College (I lived at both 80 Boylston St. and 132 Beacon st. - which they don't have a picture of on their website for some reason). Told her the story and pointed out the spot where I was mugged on the Commons my sophmore year (it's actually a funny story, remind me to tell it sometime if I haven't already). I showed her my favorite Pizza place (Nino's on Charles St.) some of the really nice apartments I'll never be able to afford on Beacon Hill, and the various different spots in China town we used to hit (i.e. the ones that wouldn't card us before we were of age).

We kinda stalled out in Quincy Market. J_ was hit by sudden dehydration and felt miserable. Thus, we hung out in Quincy market for quite some time, watching the street performers, sitting down, while J_ drank many bottles of over priced bottled water, and I managed to get a little food in her (a fruit cup and some samosas).

From there we worked our way up into the North End. For those of you not familiar with Boston, the North End is the Italian neighborhood. I didn't normally go to the North End back when I lived in Boston only because the T (the subway system in Boston is called the T) doesn't go directly there.

As we walked down North street we heard music coming from up ahead. We suddenly found ourselves in the midst of the Fisherman's Madonna festival in the North End. The streets were blocked off to cars, and were lined with countless booths selling pizza, italian sauseges, fresh canoli and other italian pastries (though mostly canoli) and games and other odds and ends. In the center of it all, a big Italian cheesball and his band, playing all the favorite Frank Sinatra standards, and other modern jazz classics (I believe he covered a few songs by Harry Conick Jr. and a decent Cherry Poppin Daddies song as well). The streets were lit up, the music was up tempo, and it really was very nice. We completely lucked out.

We strolled the booths, J_ ate a very rich canoli made by a woman who goes no other name save "The Canoli Girl"; leading me to believe she is some sort of superhero, though at the same time forces me to wonder who her arch nemisis is, Marzipan Man?.

We walked around, ate, and (yes this is corny) even danced to the music of "Sweet Caroline" on the street. I wish I could say other people were also dancing, but we were the only ones that I saw. We were just fooling around, having some fun. It was pretty sweet. Good times, Good times.

We adjurned to Jeff's place, taking the T (the B green line) from Government center to Packards corner (on the map below it's where Brighton Ave grows out of Commonwealth Ave).

That really was the best night. The next day we walked around cambridge. I'd relate it to you, but it's pretty uneventful and I'm too lazy to go into details now, especially reading over what I have so far, I realize that this is pretty boring if you weren't there with me. Still, we walked around harvard, down then across the river, walking up Storrow Dr. Then back over the River onto River street straight to Central Square. From Central we too the bus up Prospect and down Hampshire to Inman Square and got Dinner at Buckowski's (good eats, great beer selection). Then we took the bus home.

The end. I had a great time and even though I did a horrid job relating it to anyone who might be reading (and if you've even got this far I'm sorry to have put you through all this).

On another note, the shirt J_ had made for me (the one I'm wearing in my avatar) is up for Neighborhoodie of the week at You should all go to this site:
Right now and vote for it. Remember, vote early and vote often and we just might have a chance for this meaningless title. Tell your freinds.

Monday, August 14, 2006

I am a mother pheasant plucker

I'm all for a cease fire, and for peace in the middle east and all that Jazz. I really am. I am not going go all Political here - mostly because I don't have access to the sources I want to reference, and I can't put out any info without the proper sources to back said info up.

Thing is, and this is the part that is really fucking my shit up, in all the talks for a cease fire, and all the war protests I've read about in the papers, why is no one even talking about the release of the kidnapped Israeli soldiers that blew up this powederkeg?

And what ever happened to that kid (yes I know he is a soldier, but I don't think he's even 20 yet) who was kidnapped in Israel and is being held in Gaza?

What the fuck is wrong with the world?

But good. There is now a cease fire. But what's the next step?

Monday, August 07, 2006

Things that amuse me

This is not photoshoped. These melons do exist. They're real, and they're amazing.

Oh those crazy Brits. Honestly I just don't get the idea of royalty. It just seem so anachronistic.

Because everything's funnier when it involves testicals. Don't try to deny it, you know this to be true.

And speaking of testicals, if you don't believe me about the melons then you are definitely not going to believe this.

And last but not least, for your viewing pleasure (and yes I know this has been around for a while, but I just learned about it) I give you my new Hero:

That is all, be entertained, and be happy.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006


This past weekend I took a short trip just to get out of the city with J_. I took my folks car (with their permission of course) picked J_ up from Starbucks and off we headed from Douglaston, Queens, up to Mystic, Connecticut.

First off, traffic sucks. We got a late start and managed to leave around 2 in the PM. First off, the mix CD I made didn't work. I accidentally made an MP3 CD which wouldn't play in my regular CD player. So that blew. And then J_'s iPod decided not to work and that also blew. J_ doesn't so much like a lot of my CD's because my music isn't very happy (a good deal of indie rock, and we all know how happy Death Cab or Neutral Milk Hotel and the Dresden Dolls really are).

I shall list the tracks of the mix CD here as I put some time and effort into it, and, though it isn't the best mix CD, it is happy music (mostly) and I want to share. If I knew how to upload the music itself I'd do that, but I don't know how, you'll have to be satisfied with the song titles instead.

1. The Yeah Yeah Yeah Song - The Flaming Lips
2. Mambo Sun - Eszter Balint (covering the Marc Bolan original)
3 ? (I don't know, it's some ska song I stole from my brother's computer, it was untitled)
4. Lupin the 3rd - The Tokyo Ska Jazz Orchestra
5. Circles (live bootleg) - Soul Coughing
6. Comfort Eagle - Cake
7. The Peter Gunn Theme song - Henry Mancini
8. Jaan Pehechan Ho - Mohammad Rafi (from the Ghost World Soundtrack)
9. Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained - Huang Sheng Yi, Raymond Wong, Lin Xi (from the Kung Fu Hustle Soundtrack)
10. Summer: III Presto - Vivaldi
11. Coin-Operated Boy - The Dresden Dolls
12. Angle with an Attitude - The Ditty Bops
13. God is a DJ - Pink (Don't judge me people! It's happy music)
14. Soft Revolution - the Stars
15. I wish I was a Punk Rock Girl (with flowers in my hair) - Sandi Thom
16. (Love is) What I Got - Sublime
17. Stuff that I like - Brak (From the Brak show on Cartoon Network)
18. Rockin' the Suburbs - Ben Folds
19. Dreaming of You - The Coral
20. Someone to Watch Over Me - Ella Fitzgerald.

So instead we listened to some Israeli 90's rock I had (a great band called Monica Sex which has since broken up - boo!). Then the radio. The ride, which really shouldn't have been more than three hours, took a little over four hours of bumper to bumper traffic. Grah interstate 95!

When finally got to our hotel (Cedar Park Whirlpool Suites - our room was not as nice as those pictured) I was a little nervous as the exterior really isn't the nicest in person. But it turned out to be a really nice, cozy place to stay. The staff was great and friendly, and even the other guests were nice. So that was a nice surprise.

We wanted to walk around Mystic but alas, it was raining, thus we we went straight for dinner.

As I hadn't done any real research on where to eat or anything like that, we just stopped at the first nice place we saw. This happened to be the "Seaman's Inn" (and because you are all upstanding readers I shall refrain from all the horrible dirty puns I shot, rapid fire, at J_ while we were parking). It was right by the Seaport, and had Tofu Pad Thai as the vegetarian option.

Note to anyone traveling anywhere. Maybe it's because I'm spoiled having lived in Boston, and now in NY, but I'm used to good Pad Thai. For future reference, don't order Pad Thai from a New England pub known for it's fresh seafood and chowder. It's just a bad idea. Pad Thai should only be consumed from real Thai restaurants, and that's all I'll say on that matter.

We managed to find a Starbucks (every time I think I'm out they pull me back in) and found they had all sorts of pastries we don't get. We ordered our drinks and then took a walk around the very small shopping center where the Starbucks was found. I lucked out and found a Van Heusen store with a huge sale. I got a really nice shirt and tie for only twenty bucks total, which is pretty outstanding in general, and even more so compared to most sale prices I see here in the city. NY is so freaking expensive.

We drove back to the Hotel, watched the end of Monk, and the new show Psych on USA. Psych is really a poor man's Monk. It's cute but not nearly as good.

Anyway, aside from the fact that I'm horrid in bed, there really is nothing more to tell you about until the following morning.

We slept in and missed the complimentary breakfast, which kinda sucked as I didn't want to go out and try and find a good breakfast place somewhere else.

We spent the morning in a huge tourist trap of sixty shops in an area set up to look like an old New England Village. If you ever go to Mystic it isn't worth your time.

Then it was off to the Mystic Aquarium. Here is what I learned at the aquarium (which really is pretty nice, though a bit small, on the plus side most of it is outdoors):
- Poison Dart Frogs get their names because natives would rub darts on the frogs to get the poison mucus secreted by the frog onto the darts.
- Sea Horses use their tails to grab onto seaweed and such to prevent being washed away by the current.
-Sea Horses have a series of rigid circular bones that keeps them upright as they swim.
-Many Bats aren't blind; some even have better vision than humans.
- The Electric Eel can release an electric charge with enough energy to bake a pie and do a load of wash in the dryer simultaneously.
- Beluga Whales use the weird dome thing on their head to make the many sounds they make to communicate.
- Sea Lions are a lot bigger than I though they were (weighing up to 2500 pounds).

I think that might be it. Also, if you are walking around under the sun for a long time, wear sunscreen. Technically I knew this already, but I wasn't wise enough to actually use said knowledge to my advantage that day.

After the Aquarium we headed straight to Friendly's. Why Friendly's you may ask instead of say, a local restaurant? Well screw you! I don't need to answer your questions. Stop Judging Me!

Really though, I grew up on Friendly's, it was a huge part of my childhood, and J_ had never in her life been to one. Thus, Friendly's - at least in my mind - was an imperative.

Full of ice creamy goodness, we headed towards the seaport, which we then learned closed at five (the time was 4:40).

Since we had plenty of time to kill (we were in no rush to go home) we headed into downtown.

Gosh darn if that isn't what we should have done first. For some reason I thought the cheesy faux New England village was the downtown. I was wrong. The Downtown was much nicer. We walked around, checked out the shops, hung out at a park by the docks on Mystic River, and walked around some more through the general neighborhood checking out the old (well mid-1800's old) houses. They were really nice.

The neighborhood goes up a hill from the river. At the top of the hill there is a nice senior retirement community. Actually, I don't know how nice the community really is, but it sure looked nice. So nice we thought about cutting through the "emergency" path located on the side downwards, just to check out the nice lawn and such. We opted out of the shortcut in order to see more houses as we snaked our way back down towards the river.

We ambled further down the hill and saw a nice family owned funeral home. I thought to myself it would be funny in a movie or something if the "emergency" path from the retirement home led down to the Funeral Home. It's a bit dark, but J_ thought it was pretty funny. That is until we learned the truth: the "emergency" path really did lead down from the retirement home down to the funeral home. It was marked clear as day on the funeral home side. Feeling really bad, and cracking up at the same time, I wondered if the person was already dead, why was the path labeled "emergency"? It seems like once they are dead there are no emergencies anymore. Emergencies are the privilege of the living. Once you're dead, you have all the time in the world.

We almost got a slice at Mystic Pizza just because it was Mystic Pizza, even though J_ had never seen the movie Mystic Pizza. Sometimes I forget how young she really is. But we were full and went without.

Sun set, it was too cloudy to see stars, so we drove home.

The drive home took two hours.

Unrelated; I don't know if any of you have heard, but apparently it is rumored that Heath Ledger will play the Joker in the next Batman movie. I haven't figured out how I feel about this yet. Thoughts always welcome.

That is all, you may now resume your lives.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

What was once all white but now red all over?

So i spent a nice weekend (well just friday and saturday) in mystic connecticut and am going to blog about it, only I got horribly sunburnt nnd am too much of a big baby to write about it now. I must continue to slather moisturizer all over my self to avoid the horrible pain.

oh the horror, the horror.

I wish I could tan. Unfortunately I go from bright pale to bright red, and then fade, not to tan, but to bright pale once again. Curse you fair and pale skin.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

No news is... well kinda boring

First off, I don't know if anyone noticed, but I changed my Avatar. No more "WHY BOTHER" now you're all just stuck with an actual photo of me. That's right boys and girls, the new icon is my true visage. Notice the shirt I am modeling. It was a birthday gift from J_. She had it made special for me from Neighborhoodies. If you can't figure out the pictogram (and it took me a moment) the images are of Harpo Marx - check the bushy red hair and floppy hat - with a horn asking a question. For those of you unfamiliar with Harpo Marx well, I feel a bit sorry for you. If you would like to educate yourself on the hilarity that is the marx brothers I suggest you go here. Though the best way to learn is just to rent their movies. I would recommend Duck Soup, Animal Crackers, and Day at the Races. But they are all great.

And for the record, in the new avatar, the photo is not blurry. That is actually how my face looks. I have a very rare skin condition, which I'd really rather not discuss. If you don't believe me you can ask Piu Piu, she's seen me for real and can verify I look that blurry in person as I do in the photo.

And finally, we can scratch one off the list. I did recieve the new Dresden Dolls album yesterday. It has a bit more rock influence than their previous album which felt a bit more jazzy and punk. I prefer the previous album, but the new one is still very fun to listen too.

That is all for now.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Because I knew you were planning to already...

Tomorrow (July 22) will be my twenty-sixth birthday. I assume that all of you have prepared and purchased for me a birthday gift (wow what an awkward sentance!). But just in case some of you slackers have forgotten, here is a list of just a few things I would like to own.

T-shirt to be purchased here.

which can be purchased through amazon here TOO LATE, J_ GOT IT FOR ME.

15.4 inch 2ghz intel core duo, purchasable here

If you can't afford the entire thing, I'd be happy to take it in instalments. Be it through individual towns, all the way up to continents.

Honestly it'll probably be easier getting me the previous item on the list.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Holy Internet quizes

You Are Batman

Billionaire playboy by day. Saving the world by night.
And you're not even a true superhero. Just someone with a lot of expensive toys!

What the hell does that mean "You aren't a true super hero. Just someone with a lot of expensive toys."? If Batman isn't a true super hero then I don't know what a super hero is. As far as I'm concerned Batman is THE SUPERHERO. Only a few others come close.* But I'm not going to show how much of a dork I am right now.**

No I didn't keep taking the quiz until I got Batman. Though I did take it a second time and chaged one answer and suddenly I was Electra.

Who ever knew Batman should be a joke writer?

*Flash will always be my all time favorite hero. I have been collecting Flash Comics since 1989, and after a lot of searching since then I have almost every flash comic since 1983, and I have a whole bunch or random flash comics from the 60's and 70's.
**Err, see the previous addendum. That pretty much shows it.

Monday, July 17, 2006

If it weren't for the internet I'd never know...

You Should Be a Joke Writer

You're totally hilarious, and you can find the humor in any situation.
Whether you're spouting off zingers, comebacks, or jokes about life...
You usually can keep a crowd laughing, and you have plenty of material.
You have the makings of a great comedian - or comedic writer.

Hooray pointless internet quizes. What better way to pass the time at work while learning the innermost secrets of one's soul.

Next I'm off to learn which superhero I am based on a very scientific five question quiz. Answers most certainly to follow.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Ami's reasons why not

To be honest I've kinda lost interest in blogging. Here, in no particular order, is a list as to why my interest has dropped.

1) Summer Movies. Superman, Pirates of the Caribbean, A Scanner Darkly, The Prairie home Companion. There is just so much time that exists in the day. And I have a horrid addiction to the cinema.

2) A mildly active social life. When I started blogging I had none, and now, I do. I'm not saying that one needn't have a life to be a blogger, far from it. Just that I'm a lazy, lazy man and if I go out, I am too lazy to blog afterwards.

3) Work. The bit at Tribeca is good (in fact that's where I'm blogging from right now), and not at all busy (thus the blogging right now part). It's Frappacino season at Starbucks. Being sticky and reeking of coffee is not so conducive to blogging.

4) So I think this is the real reason. I kinda, sorta, have a girlfriend now. And by "kinda, sorta" I mean I do have a girlfriend right now. I just feel weird using the word girlfriend. Especially since the girl in question is eight (seven and a half to be more accurate) years younger than me. And especially since she is going off to college come the end of August. A college, which - though in NY State - is far away enough that our relationship now has a potential expiration date when she leaves. Also because no one knows we are dating (well, three people do, but they don't count, no one else knows) and we are keeping it quiet (her decision, not mine - though admittedly it's one I very much agree with presently).

And that is really the problem. I'm trying to spend as much time with her as possible before she leaves. Which leads me to my next problem.

Last we spoke she was not in the best of moods. I tried to coax the reason out, but she remained silent. After a movie she confessed that she realized that though she didn't want to become too attached to me (for the reasons stipulated above, i.e college) she realized she probably won't be able to help it (yay me and my ladykiller like smooth moves) which will make leaving even harder.

I tried to play it off as cool as I could, talking about how more worrying = less fun right now. Something along the lines of we'll see what happens when it happens. Trying to keep everything relaxed and such.

There is, however, that very selfish part of me that wants her feeling attached to me, that wants it to be hard for her to leave. That desires that sort of attention. Mostly because it's gonna freaking kill me when she leaves. Hell, I wind up missing her on the few days we spend apart. I don't even want to think about when it's much more permanent.

Though I've really only had one serious relationship in my life, I'd like to think I have had my fair share of relationships in general. In the past, with the girls I've dated, I always felt like I was playing a role. Like if I dated her (all the various hers I've dated) long enough I would feel the way one is supposed to feel towards someone you're dating. Even the serious relationship I jumped into too serious too quick and said things I realized later I didn't really mean.

This is the first time I've actually been as happy as I thought I was supposed to be in my previous relationships. It's an odd sensation, and not one that I want to give up anytime soon. I'm not going to get all mushy, or use any grandiose terms, just suffice to say that I like J_ (the girlfriend) a lot, more than I think I have anyone before.

It's just our timing that sucks.

P.S. yeah, so I'm sick of these boring, serious posts. The next one (hopefully the next few) will be funny and interesting - or if nothing else at least funny. I'm getting sick of my dopey angsty mopey complaining crap. It's totally time to stop being that.

Monday, July 03, 2006

you should be watching

Nobody's Watching Part 1

Why this show wasn't picked up I'll never know. It was created by Bill Lawrence (he created Scrubs) and is freaking hilarious. Not like any other sitcom you've ever seen before, and exactly like every other sitcom you've seen.

To see parts two and three go here for part 2 and here for part three.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

I'm boned

I think I might have broken my foot last weekend when I was in Philadelphia. Well, maybe more fractured than out and out broken as I have been able to walk on it all week. Not a serious fracture, but still, it hurts and isn't completely symetrical with the other foot (there is a bump on the left foot - the potentially fractured foot - that isn't on the right) and the bruise isn't healing as fast as I would like.

Thing is, I have no health insurance, I don't work enough hours at Starbucks to get it through them, and I can't afford it on my own. So I have to try and find a free clinic or something much cheaper than a regular doctor. My mom suggested just going to the emergency room.

My response (sarcastically): Yeah, because the emergency room doesn't charge a tremendous amount of money.

Her: Then what to people without medical insurance do when they go to the emergency room?

Me: They go into debt, which is why many people don't go to the doctor, they pay their rent and buy food instead.

Her: Oh.

So here I am about to try and find a free clinic or something that I can go to, because I don't want my foot to be screwed up for the rest of my life. And if I have to go to a regular doctor (not that I'm not saying free clinic doctors aren't real, because they are), I will. It's just that I probably won't be able to afford going to a doctor and getting all the x-rays and casts and everything, and then fly out to Winnipeg for the wedding I plan on going to.

So either way, I'm boned.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Shhh... I'm hunting Wabits

Brooklyn, for reasons beyond my understanding, remains a very romantacized borough in my head. Queens was never that mysterious, and Manahattan - though intimidating - never had that same romantic quality. Which is not to say there is no romance in Manahattan, there is plenty of romance about the isle; just not the same type of romance found to my south. Staten Island is plain and seems very suburban, while The Bronx holds no appeal to me what so ever. It's all about Brooklyn.

When I think of Brooklyn I can't help but picture every last Jewish New York story. In my mind they all occur in Brooklyn. And it's always the 1930's or 40's. This is partly due to Woody Allen and Martin Scorcese, but mostly due to listening to all my grandparents stories, and the stories of all the old men and women in my father's synogogue, hearing them regail about their youth in that particular boro. It reeks of the immigrant experience so much more so than the other boroughs, and as such, has a romanticized appeal. I can't really explain it.

Which is why I was so overwhehlmed yesterday walking on the Coney Island Boardwalk, then catching a Coney Island Cyclones game. Coney Island - the place where all our grandfathers took all our grandmothers (and potential grandmothers) out on dates; to ride the rides, see the sites, smell the ocean. The cyclone roller coster, or the wonder wheel ferris wheel, or the parachute jump whose name I don't know, and which has since closed down.

My foot still hurts, but I forced myself to walk around as much as I could, as if I was in some sort of magic wonderland rather than a mildly delapidated urban beach. The smell of the Original Nathan's hotdog stand (established 1916 - and if you've ever been to NY you know what Nathan's is) wafted through the salty air, causing me to desire to break my vegitarian habits and wolf down a hotdog with everything on it (well maybe not sourkraut).

I wish I could say that the Baseball game was exciting, but the Cyclones are a horrible, horrible team this year. They lost their first game to the the Staten Island Yankees 18-0, and last night lost again 5-2. So I guess they are at least going in the right direction. The park, however, was gorgeous, small, maybe 9000 seats, and not a single bad one in the house. We sat about seventeen rows up a little past first base but not quite yet right field. I really wish I was a better writer and could describe the experience in it's fullest and romanticized glory, but really I just had a good time.

Oh yeah, the reason for this posts title check this out.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

I can't come up with good title

It's very sunny outside. It's sunny outside and I'm having a panic attack.

This morning was uneventful.

I ordered "the skeleton key" on HBO on demand. It wasn't very good.

It's sunny outside and I have to go to work in about a half hour.

I walked to the library. I need reading material for the ride down to Philadelphia this weekend. I walked because it's just that nice outside. It's really very nice.

I'm wearing new jeans that I think might be girl jeans due to the way the bottom of the legs are all frayed. They are only frayed in the front around the cuffs, not the back. It bothers me that pants now come pre-frayed, but that's not why I'm having a panic attack. It's just a little thing.

But it's sunny outside and as the pants fit pretty well, I'm not going to really worry as to whether they are girl jeans or not (I'm pretty sure not as they are maked 30 x 30 and not in some girl size). Soon I'm going to have to change my pants because I have to go to work and jeans are not allowed at Starbucks.

On the way home from the library, under the bright, bright sun, I had to sit down on the curb just to keep from hyperventilating.

I'm not an emotional guy, unless you count awkward as an emotion, then I'd be incredibly emotional. Really though I'm more dead pan. Not that I don't have emotions, I just don't really show them, doubly so when I'm uncomfortable and awkward (i.e the majority of my life).

I haven't been sleeping well all week. Lots of weird dreams. Most of them involve me running away or hurting people I love then crying about it, but that sounds lame and I'm not going to get into it.

I threw my back out on Sunday helping to clean out the garage (that's not a dream, it happened, though I wish it was only a dream). Apparently six encyclopidia judaicas are heavy and you shouldn't try to lift them all at once, especially not with your back. I learned that the hard way.

On Monday none of the other interns showed up at work and I was swamped. And my back hurt. But that really has nothing to do with the panic attack.

I opened on Tuesday, it's a pain, but not really a big deal.

Wenesday was fine.

Today it's sunny outside. It's been cloudy or rainy all week long and now it's sunny out. It's kinda cheesy really, but that has only a little to do with the panic attack.

Today, not so long ago, J_ called and asked if she could meet me outside. I brushed my teeth, changed out of my pajama's, turned off The Skeleton Key (I missed the last five minutes) put on some deoderant and walked out onto the front stoop.

J_, in my book is always adorable, and today was no exception.

Anyway, I've known for a little while that there is some guy out there with whom J_ is infatuated. She's mentioned said guy in the past but never who he was. Today I found out.

Today, under the bright sun, on my front stoop I found out it was me.

Her lips quivered and she did her best (and over all succeeded) to choke back emotion, as I sat her down.

"The thing is," I said, "I like you too. A lot. A lot a lot." I said in almost a complete deadpan. "But...." And I paused because I had no idea what to say next. Should I ask her out, should I leave it be? I'm eight years older than her. She just graduated high school last week.

"It's OK, you can say it, I'm a trooper." She said (and here is were she almost didn't succeed in choking back her emotion, but she is as she says, a trooper). And that was when my heart broke. I never before in my entire life wanted to grab onto someone and never let go like I did at that moment.

"You don't even know what I'm going to say." I said. She smiled, very encouraging. "But..." I continued still deadpan (damn I'm a jackass), "it doesn't freak you out I'm that much older than you, or that anything we might have has an experation date when you go off to college in the end of the summer?" Because those were the big concerns floating around in my head, two of the biggest reasons (the first more than the second) that I hadn't said or done anything before (also I'm a coward).

Apparently these were only my issues.

So I asked her out. And she said yes. And then I kissed her. And then she had to go because she was having lunch with freinds, and I had to go to the bank and the library, and buy a gift for my freind, all before I start work (in 12 minutes - I'm going to be late). So I'm calling her on Monday to arrange said date.

First I think I was a bit too forward with the kiss, and that's the first issue. The second, I'm eight years older than her and I feel like a skeeze. If I wasn't me I'd be making fun of me behind my back. It just seems wrong. So on my way back from the library I had to sit down because I was having a panic attack. Literally, I was hyperventilating and freaking out.

I finally got home, and called my freind Charlie, who helped talk me down. Charlie is possibly the coolest ever. "Well the fact that you feel so weird about it all is proof you aren't a skeeze." She said.

"Yeah, but what about when I stop feeling weird about it?"

And she laughed and didn't have an answer, which was cool, because I didn't call to get an answer and she knew t hat. Charlie is just cool that way, and I felt better after I hung up.

Then I wrote this post.

And now, still freaking out (but no longer in a panic attack), I have to change and run to work, and I wonder (as J_ and I work together) how much of this do my fellow co-workers know?

And I freak out all over again.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Because Rawbean asked

From August 25th until the 27th I shall be in Winnipeg, Manitoba. I have a wedding to attend (and I really should RVSP) on the 27th and I'm awfully excited.

And for any other stalkers who need to be updated as to my plans, I shall be in Phillidelphia from June 16th until the 18th for a bachelor weekend for the groom of the aforementioned wedding up in Canada.

Philly is all set, there's about five of us all crashing at a freinds place.

Canada is a entirely different sotry. I need to find cheap airfare to and then cheap accomidations while in the frozen north. I'm still waiting for the day when instant teleportation is both technologically viable and cheap enough for the public to use. That and flying cars. Man, that would be sweet.

Things to do before the wedding: find a good dry cleaners for my suit, get my shoes shined, and maybe buy a nice new shirt and tie. Also find out where they are registered (dear god please somewhere that has an outlet in Northeast USA) and buy a wedding present. But I still have plenty of time (said the hare right before he took a nap in the middle of the race).

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Note To Self:

On days scheduled to open Starbucks (5:30 AM), DON'T drive out with freinds to Long Beach that same evening, especially if you don't know how to navigate through Long Island.

Addendum: Go back to Long Beach when better rested.

Also, I hate the beach, but love the ocean. Someone should develop a snow shoe but for sand to keep ones feet (and shoes) from being drenched in sand.

So Very Tired.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Not quite duck soup

It's important to have a destination. Even if the journey is where the fun is found, without a destination one won't know when to stop, or how far to go before turning around.

I am an idiot.

Case in point:

Last Thursday I went for a walk with J_ after work. We had tried to originize a group outing to the local pond for a late afternoon picnic and to feed the ducks. All our freinds were otherwise occupied, and as we had already eaten we scrapped the picnic and just went to feed the ducks ourselves.

I'm not sure exactly what a group of ducks are called (flock? gaggle? something else?) but ducks - as I understand nature (and I am an accredited naturologist) - usually travel together. That is why, upon arriving at the pond I was confused to find a lone black duck on the water. All by itself, no other duck in sight. Had I considered this more carefully perhaps I would have thought this to be an omen, a sign of things to come.

But I didn't, and things did come. Discouredged that there weren't ducks (plural) to feed, and that the lone duck had no interest in our company or our bread (definately an omen), we kept on walking past the pond through the small park.

After coming upon the other half of the park, not yet renovated, the asphalt gave way to a very narrow dirt path walled by talk stalks of something, (reeds? straw? something along those lines anyway.

I don't live in Manhattan. Hell I barely even live in Queens, but I do in fact live in Queens and Queens is part of New York City, and one wouldn't suspect any bit of nature to go on too far. When one thinks of NYC one isn't thinking nature. Given that, I thought to myself how far can this dirt path really go? (Please see statement above) and with J_ a bit reluctant in tow, walked into the reeds.

It started off as a nice walk. We talked about mostly inconsequintial things and didn't quite realize the ground slowly shifting from dirt to mud beneath our feet.

After about forty minutes, our sneakers were covered in mud. The path split into two, on direction petering off into the underbrush, the other appeared to open up further down (what would Robert Frost do?).

It was at this point, when we thought our feet couldn't get any muddier that J_ said we should probably turn around and go back the way we came. I stood opposed to that, rationalizing that we were probably more than halfway down the path (and on that account I was correct) thus there would be less mud to walk through by trecking forward than by turning back. "We've come this far." I said, "We migth as well continue to the bitter end."

I took the lead, confident in my manliness guiding us through nature. I would conquor the terrain. Mud doesn't bother man. Man revels in mud, dirt and nature are his home. Water on the other hand...

Sploosh! Two steps forward and we were both ankle deep in water. Forget the mud, the mud was pleasant in comparison. The water was cold and grimy, and all together unpleasant.

The reeds receded behind us and a marsh like area, the size of a football feild loomed in front of us. And of course, there were the ducks. Away from the larger body of water we spotted Northern Blvd. and decided to make our way back towards civilization, the ducks be damned.

Sloshing through the ankle deep water, stepping on dry and dead reeds to keep our pants as dry as possible we waded towards our salvation.

J_ lost her balance at a few points, dropping to her knees, and of course I teased her mercilessly for lacking my natural grace in the water. Fed up with wading (wet up to her knees) J_ pointed straight forward, suggesting we just cut through it all, we were already as wet as can be. I, on the other hand, wanted to continue working the circumfrance of the marsh, it just seemed safer.

I was the man, and as the man I should have stood ground. But just like many other men before, I did something stupid because a girl asked.

So we took J_'s path, which really wasn't a path, until, halfway across, we were stopped by a stream leading down into the main pond behind us. The stream was about five feet across, and I thought to myself I could easily jump this. Then I turned to J_ and said, "I can easily jump this."

The few things I didn't consider at the time: I was already standing ankle deep in water and my shoes were wet and heavy. Though I could have jumped five feet across easy in high school, I am about ten years older and very out of shape. That the stream could concievably be deeper than the water in which I then stood. (Once again see the beginning)

So I jumped.

So I landed.

But not on the other side.

And the water was far deeper in the stream than on either side of it.

And I fell waist deep into the dirty, salty, cold, disgusting water.

J_ wisely took the path I suggested.

We splashed through the rest of the marsh and finally (with a mild scare of poison ivy) made it to Northern Blvd.

The walk back home, though the company was pleasant, was the opposite of comfortable.

Stupid, stupid ducks.

Monday, May 15, 2006

In honor of a tepid final episode

I was hoping for Josh, but I'm pretty happy with my results.


The idealistic speechwriter is well-liked by just about everyone. He's known for his excellent writing, sense of humor, and tendency to be clutzy. Although being younger than the rest of the staff, he's often treated as so, much to his dismay.

So, which one are you?

Friday, April 28, 2006

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Open mouth insert food (blogger edition)

So I take back everything I wrote in my previous blog (save the bit about my passover post, it's still coming, very late, I just gotta make it sound right).

Today at work (internship) I was given a free pass to see Akeela and the Bee at the Tribeca Film Festival tonight (it officially opens in two days). I can't go (gonna get a few drinks with some pals instead), but I'm sure I can find someone to give the ticket too.

In addition, tommorrow night I am going to see a short film program for free to cover it for my boss (as in write an analysis of the shorts and report back the filmmakers and shorts worth following up on).

I've gotta admit, that's pretty cool.

Now if only I could find a job that would pay me for this kinda stuff I'd be set.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Being too good at the mundane

At my internship there are the cool jobs I have to do, and the much less cool jobs.

The cool jobs aren't really that cool, just by comparison they are cool. For instasnce, calling up agents to see which famous actor, actress, director, or writer is available for a certian project and when they are available. Or reading a book, comic book, screenplay, or what have you and writing up some coverage for the boss. And even compiling lists of older movies with similar themes and plots as ones currently in development.

Jobs that aren't so cool involve the making of the coffee, compiling master lists of actors, writers, and directors, photocopying screenplays, and especially photocopying novels.

The problem being, I'm pretty good at the not so cool stuff. I know how to use excell pretty well, I actually make coffee professionally (well if you consider starbucks professional), and for some reason, I am the fastest photocopier - especially when it comes to novels. You see, when copying screenplays, plays, teleplays, or manuscripts, those just get fed quickly into the machine. Novels, published novels to be precise, come bound so one can't just feed it into the machine, one must go page by page, flipping through the book, to make a copy. I seem to be able to do this faster than my fellow interns. Not that much faster, but enough that I wind up the one doing it to save time.

The down side, not only do I hate the monotony of the photocopy machine, but when I'm out making copies, my fellow interns get to do the cool stuff (comparitivly anyway). Thus, I am penalized (of sorts) for being good at my job.

It's a really lame thing to complain about, especially as I like my fellow interns and wouldn't want them labouring away in the dark recess where the copy machine lies. But it's a pain and I'm in a complaining mood. So there.

My passover post (which I have been working on, put far more time and effort into a blog post than probably healthy) will drop sometime early next week, after the craziness that is passover has, er.. passed.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

The wrong side of the poverty line

Not to make thousands of unemployed and homeless peoples problems seem insignifigant but there is something depressing when doing ones taxes and realizing how little money one (me) actually made last year.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

I have no desire to be a pedophile

I'm not sick and twisted, it isn't that at all.

There are some strange thoughts that pass through one's head. For instance, I like cheese. It isn't so strange but it is true. I am lactose intolerant but I adore cheese. Not all cheese mind you, the gooier stinkier cheeses I tend to stay away from; and though I do like the ease of American cheese, I prefer my cheeses to be far less chemically processed and treated. Give me a really bold sharp Cheddar, or some fresh Mozzarella, or maybe some Havarti with dill, Munster, or a good smoked cheese and you'll see me happy. I can't ever eat too much of it lest I spend the rest of my day in the WC (as the British say, or at least that's what I've been led to believe); so just like everything else that's good in life I must take it in moderation.

Moderation I've been told is the best philosophy (Epicurus, what a sage you were). Unfortunately moderation is a difficult when discussing infatuation. In fact, moderation only makes things that much worse.

Once again, I am no pedophile. I do not lust after prepubescent girls. I don't in fact lust (a term I'm not so much a fan of to begin with as it makes the forgone conclusion that I am lusting after someone, and it really isn't lust, but I'll get to that in a moment) after some post-pubescent girls - the "girls" part being the operative word, not the "post-pubescent". I don't tend to imply I lust after boys only because I don't. I tend to go for females my own age, and if I think I'm too old to be called a "boy" then those my age shouldn't be called girls anymore. But as you are about to read, this is all irrelevant (quite unfortunately).

I have found myself more and more infatuated (not lusting or lustful, it really isn't a sex thing) with an 18 year old girl (see told you I'm not a pedophile, at least not technically - that is I'm not opposed to it, but the infatuation is not wholly based on aesthetics). It's getting quite bad really. Just her presence in the same room as me actually brightens my mood significantly. She is a friend, and though I am not a huggy person by nature, (I'm just not) holding her in my arms - in a hug as friends do (my New York friends are all huggy people - her included) - I realize I would follow her to the ends of the earth if she just happened to be going in that direction.

But I refuse to be that skeezy older guy who dates girls too young for him. Instead I'm going to keep on pretending I don't feel the way I do, because as I understand it, not having too much knowledge in the field of psychology, denial is a perfectly healthy way to deal with any situation.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

nothing special: a recap

Why do I even bother?

Got to my brother's birthday dinner, Yay!

Started to get sick on Monday, Boo!

Really got sick on Tuesday, Boo!

Best friend Jason flew up from Atlanta to visit, Yay!

Fought cold as we walked around Greenwich village, meh.

Had Etheiopian food for dinner, Yay!

Skipped work on Wenesday to go to the MoMA with Jason, Yay!

Was really sick the entire time, Boo!

Saw Famke Janssen at the MoMA, Wow!

Went to Dinner at Mendy's with Jason and two siblings (Mendy's Jerry, Mendy's!), Meh.

Had drinks in Hell's Kitchen with Jason, sibling, sibling's girlfreind, and girlfriend's roommate, Yay!

Pretended I wasn't feeling ill, though I was horribly sick, Boo!

Opened Starbucks (5:30 AM) nearly dead to the world, Boo!

Went bowling with Jason and a Sibling, Yay!

My highest score: 83, Boo!

Still tried to hide my horrible sickness, drank too much espresso to cover my deadness, Boo!

Ate at a Bolivian Restaraunt with Jason and his freinds, Meh.

Shot pool with Sibling and Jason, Yay!

Wanted to curl up and die the entire time (sickness yuck!), Boo!

Drove Jason to the airport, Boo.

Slept for the rest of Friday and Saturday, Yay!

Went out to get drinks with Starbucks Friends, Yay!

Came home early because was still getting over the cold, Boo!

Bonded with E and J from work on the ride home, Yay!

Woke up feeling better but still a little stuffed up, Meh.

Wrote my first post in a week, Yay!

And now you know, and knowing is half the battle.

Sunday, March 19, 2006


I'm up at this ungodly hour on a Sunday because I'm the idiot who read the schedule wrong and thought I was working from five-thiry to ten forty-five in the AM when it is in fact in the PM. Tonight my brother (the second of three) is having a birthday dinner (21st birthday in fact) in the city tonight and I already said I could attend.

The only reason I'm still up is so I can call the person working the eight AM shift and switch hours. I hope he can switch (not calling him to the slightly more reasonable hour of seven fifteen) otherwise I have to bail on my brother, which is completely uncool.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Because Rawbean did it first

When I have no ideas of my own I steal from where ever I can find. But as I learned in school if you call the rip off a homage, then everything's copacetic. Thus in order for people to learn more about me (though I can't imagine why anyone would want to), this is my homage to Rawbean's rant. Judge away.

DVD's I own:
Jurassic Park
The Cat's Meow
No Man's Land
Gun Shy
Grosse Pointe Blank
Cowboy Bebop (the series and the movie)
Dark City
LA Story
His Girl Friday
Pirates of the Carribean

It's a very sad collection but one day, when I have more money it will grow. Nothing to really brag about, and a little to be embaressed of, those are my owned DVDs (there might be one or two more that I have forgot about - I'm at work right now and I'll double check when I get home tonight).

Because I feel a little silly with such a short list, here is another short one of DVD's I plan to own.

Run Lola Run
All of Wes Anderson's Films
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
As many Marx Brother films as I can find
Man on Fire
Harold and Kumar go to White Castle
Fight Club
The Indiana Jones Trilogy

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

All ideas sound stupid when written out

As if hit by an epiphany, or if nothing else, the big fat stupid-stick, the workings of a new story are bubbling in the back of my mind. It's not a particularly good story, and it is by no means a complete story. In fact, I would classify it more along the lines of an idea for a story. I don't think I particularly enjoy this idea; but like the spinach I still have stuck between my teeth from my salad last night, I can't disloge it. Hence, for your reading pleasure and in the hopes that once it's written down I can forget it, I give you the idea.

In the future, when mankind is no longer tethered to Earth, in the furthest reaches of the known galaxies - the last outposts of the human empire reside. In these outposts both Justice and Injustice are found through the barrel of a gun. A place that's short on law and long on vice. Just like the cliched old westerns, all arguements are settled through a duel. This brings us to the as of yet (because I haven't come up with one) named MAIN CHARACTER, the quickest gunman in all the outposts. He's only 32 but that's old as most gunmen die young. For years he's been challenged by younger gunslingers hoping to claim his title as their own and for years he always won. During breakfast right before his most recent duel, after taking his thrid bite of bacon, he begins to have a nervous breakdown, which only grows even greater after barely surving the duel. Throughout the as of yet undecided plot he grows more and more insane believing his now erratic inner monologue to be a seperate voice than his (it isn't) that helps him predict the future (which it doesn't).

I don't have any more than that, but now that it's out, hopefully I can put it to rest.

On a side note I'm off to some book store at Columbus circle. Sarah Vowell will be either 1) signing or 2) reading from her book, or maybe both, or perhaps 3) something else all together. I'm not entirly sure, but I was told she'd be there so that's where I shall be as well.

Monday, February 27, 2006

it's the little things

I went to the New York Comic con yesterday and I will probably write about that when I have more time (I'm at work in Manhattan at the moment).

This is just a brief admonishment to those of you out there who aren't reading Questionable Content. It's quite possibly the best web comic (save Cat and Girl - though that's a different sort of web comic) out there. The newest storyline, well specifically Friday's and Today's strips just made me very happy. It's a tiny thing, but the good warm fuzzies are hard to come by so I cherish them when they do.

To really get the full impact of the story you should go back through the archive and read from the beginning. Sure it's about three hundred something odd strips but it's totally worth it (EDIT, Tuesday 12:22pm - so I checked and it's actually 544 strips, which doesn't negate anything I've already written and I'm totally standing by this post). It's an hour of your day (depending on how fast you read and how fast your internet connection is) and I know most of you spend your days in front of your computer. Why not spend it reading something fun instead of all that porn I know you're all hooked on.

(no I'm not saying porn isn't fun, just that sometimes mental stimulation is just as fun as physical. Yes I've been single for about two years now, why do you ask?)

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Momentary bliss

The bad news: The Stars concert I was planning on going too (on Rawbean's recommendation) is sold out, thus I shall not be attending.

The worse news: I am scheduled to be the opener at Starbucks tomorrow and Sunday, which means I get to wake up at the devil hour known as Five AM. The last time I was up at Five AM was due to the fact I hadn't gone to sleep yet the night before.

Changing the subject dramatically, I ride the LIRR four times a week. Twice to Manhattan and twice back. While I generally sleep during the morning ride, because even eight o'clock is too early for me, I am awake during the ride home - not because I'm not tired; rather I don't want to miss my stop, sleeping my way towards Long Island (and yes, this has happened, but I prefer not talking about it).

The ride is generally bumpy, loud, and bright. It's bumpy as most public rail systems are in some way bumpy (what the reason is I have no idea, I am not the engineer I make myself out to be). It's loud because the air conditioning units that circulate air in the cars are loud, letting you know how hard they are working to afford you "clean" air to breath. Not only is the free flowing air loud, but the motor that circulates said air grumbles something akin to a troll. And of course there are the florescent lights that keep the cars safe and full of horrid florescent light. Though the majority of all my rides home the train is filled with this, what I've deemed, "Florescent noise" (not the cleverest of names, but it suits the atmosphere nicely) every so often there are gaps; perhaps in the electric currents, perhaps in the circuitry, perhaps somewhere else entirely. All I know is during these gaps, when the lights suddenly go off, and the numbing drone of the recycled air dissipates, the train sails along near silently, the beats of our hearts pumping in rhythm with the soft palpitations of the wheels on the tracks, and we can see out into through darkness the isle of Manhattan growing distant and (what I think is, though am not sure) the Queensborough Bridge lit up off across the water.

For those few moments, before the electricity kicks back in, with Manhattan shrinking behind me, and Queens slowly expanding before my eyes, in the dark, the city actually looks peaceful and calm.

Then the lights come back and the air pumps loudly through the car, and I am reminded that New York city is by far and large a bright and noisy place.

But for those few seconds as the train treks on in quiet, I almost think that all is right with the world.