Tuesday, April 04, 2006

I have no desire to be a pedophile

I'm not sick and twisted, it isn't that at all.

There are some strange thoughts that pass through one's head. For instance, I like cheese. It isn't so strange but it is true. I am lactose intolerant but I adore cheese. Not all cheese mind you, the gooier stinkier cheeses I tend to stay away from; and though I do like the ease of American cheese, I prefer my cheeses to be far less chemically processed and treated. Give me a really bold sharp Cheddar, or some fresh Mozzarella, or maybe some Havarti with dill, Munster, or a good smoked cheese and you'll see me happy. I can't ever eat too much of it lest I spend the rest of my day in the WC (as the British say, or at least that's what I've been led to believe); so just like everything else that's good in life I must take it in moderation.

Moderation I've been told is the best philosophy (Epicurus, what a sage you were). Unfortunately moderation is a difficult when discussing infatuation. In fact, moderation only makes things that much worse.

Once again, I am no pedophile. I do not lust after prepubescent girls. I don't in fact lust (a term I'm not so much a fan of to begin with as it makes the forgone conclusion that I am lusting after someone, and it really isn't lust, but I'll get to that in a moment) after some post-pubescent girls - the "girls" part being the operative word, not the "post-pubescent". I don't tend to imply I lust after boys only because I don't. I tend to go for females my own age, and if I think I'm too old to be called a "boy" then those my age shouldn't be called girls anymore. But as you are about to read, this is all irrelevant (quite unfortunately).

I have found myself more and more infatuated (not lusting or lustful, it really isn't a sex thing) with an 18 year old girl (see told you I'm not a pedophile, at least not technically - that is I'm not opposed to it, but the infatuation is not wholly based on aesthetics). It's getting quite bad really. Just her presence in the same room as me actually brightens my mood significantly. She is a friend, and though I am not a huggy person by nature, (I'm just not) holding her in my arms - in a hug as friends do (my New York friends are all huggy people - her included) - I realize I would follow her to the ends of the earth if she just happened to be going in that direction.

But I refuse to be that skeezy older guy who dates girls too young for him. Instead I'm going to keep on pretending I don't feel the way I do, because as I understand it, not having too much knowledge in the field of psychology, denial is a perfectly healthy way to deal with any situation.


HitManJ said...

You know what? There's NOTHING wrong with having someone like that. I knew a girl in high school who often quoted "Hook" by saying I was just a bad man who needed a mommy. I would have given ANYTHING for her...except lust. I never really wanted to date her...there were moments when I mistook my feelings as those of a lustful desire, but really, she was just the warm and fuzzy that my life needed. It was awesome. The thing that kept it all together for me was that the week I decided I should ask her out, she started dating this guy (this is 10 years ago mind you). She NEVER left him. They got married a few years ago. I never had the opportunity to mess up our good thing by dating her.

Don't deny your heart, but be wary of your penis.

Princess Pessimism said...

You know what? Its not so bad. I had a friend, he was dating this girl....We were 26 I think...maybe just turned 27. Hes looks like tom cruise, and has girls falling all over him constantly.....He meets this girl, shes young. Not even 19...The only thing that was bad, out of their 2 year relationship was the maturity level. She was so immature....That, and the fact that we were talking about highschool...Our first year of highschool, she was in grade 2. That made me sad....

Nonny said...

My sister was 18 when she met her future husband, who was 27. They dated for 7 years and then got married and are still married today.

Amber said...

up until very recently in human history, (I'm going to say post WWII), a 24 year old man having sex with a 16 year old girl was considered perfectly normal.

Just some perspective.

Amichai said...

Prior to WW2 it's was also cool to make fifty bucks a week and think that was a decent salary. That wouldn't fly today though.

I appreciate the support and all but really, where is the "hey Ami, you're doing the right thing."?

She totally was in first grade when I was a freshman in highschool (terms I wouldn't have though of - thanks Princess) and that is totally freaking me out.

On the other hand, she is a big marx brothers fan, and it doesn't get much hotter than that.

rawbean said...

I say go for it...if you think it's for the taking.

Last year I dated a guy who was 35 and I was 27. As you get older like me, the age difference doesn't make much of a difference. He didn't seem like he was 35 and we got along well...of course it didn't work out...

BUT this girl is younger and likely relatively unjaded. You seem like a great guy who would treat her well and every girl wants to be with a guy who's crazy about her!

Age schmage. Do it Amichai!

Fridaysweb said...

many many moons ago, I had a fling with a man who was ten years older than me and ten years younger than my mother. I believe he liked us both, but my mother was too stodgy to notice or care - and she had a much better head on her shoulder than I did, at that time in our lives. The fling was fun. Age never entered the picture because he and I had a lot in common. The only time it got creepy was when he talked of his children - who were just 10 and 12 years younger than me. We skipped that conversation as much as possible, though.

Ami, I do NOT think you're a pedophile for being attracted to an 18 year old. It's not her age you're attracted to - and you've openly admitted it's not all looks, either. You've identified with this woman on a level you've not identified with anyone else in quite some time, right? Enjoy the attraction, the friendship and let her lead. If she were to openly show a romantic interest in you, would that bother you? Think in those terms.

E.B. Noodles said...

Not nearly a paedophile. 10 years might raise an eyebrow, 20 years is more like it.

>>But I refuse to be that skeezy older guy who dates girls too young for him.<<

It's not a pattern with you, so you shouldn't worry about that.

If you do go out with her, don't be so self-conscious that you forget to enjoy it-- unless you enjoy being self-conscious.

We approve.

Lepidopterist said...