Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Of course it's never as bad as it's imagined

Spoke to my folks about J_. Like I predicted they aren't happy, but unlike I feared, they are much more accepting and polite about the relationship. They aren't accepting in they way that they are supportive, but they aren't blowing up about the whole thing. It was a calm talk where they both were more angry about the lying than the relationship itself - well, sorta. Of course the lying was going to be the issue, I knew that, and we dealt with it like mature people. My father is, well, to put it nicely, displeased about as much in the relationship as he was with the lying. To his credit he's refrained from preaching to me about inter-dating, and now asks about J_ in a sincere manner (because he is sincere). My mother, contrary to any comments Jason might have made last post, is at least feigning supportiviness. She isn't doing it very well, but she's trying which is very nice, and more than I feel I deserve after lying to them for so long (though I really only feel guilty for getting caught since I was planning on telling them just not yet, as if the situation happened all over again I'd still probably do the same thing - does that make me a bad person?). They've also said that they want to invite J_ over for a friday night dinner this summer. Friday Night is a thing. It's the Sabbath Meal. My pops being a rabbi this is a proper (though not at all formal) family meal. We all sit down together, eat a big meal, and do the appropriate rituals one is supposed to do for the sabbath meal. It's not a huge deal to invite J_ to friday night, but it's a much bigger deal to invite her for Friday over any of the other nights of the week.

So, my thoughts currently. I was taking to a freind about the relationship, and the folks, on both sides. On J_'s side, her brother doesn't like me much, but mostly due to the age gap. And I can respect that, even if I don't like that he doesn't like me. Her mom doens't like me because I'm "too small and I have bad vibes." Not an exact quote, but that is how I've been informed that she doesn't like me (at least that's how J_ put it). I have a harder time respecting this, only because it's a bit vague and I think is just masking other prejudices that she isn't going into, or at least that J_ isnt' telling me. But I respect her Mom, because she's her Mom, and if we ever talk I think I can win her over - someday. Regardless, in her family I'm the negative aspect in the disaproval.

In my family, my siblings have no problems with J_, at least not that they have told me. They are neutral, mostly because they haven't really hung out with her. Asaf, who I think might have spoken to her the most seems to like her. My folks don't approve of the relationship because she isn't Jewish. But they don't hold that against her. It's me they disaprove of because I'm dating a non-jew. The Non-Jew in question; once they meet her they'll probably really like her. So once again, though this time in my family, I'm the negative aspect in the disaproval.

Not very cool.

But what can you do?


rawbean said...

Well that doesn't sound toooo bad. Ultimately you gotta be with the girl you love and everyone else can just sulk on the sidelines!

Big Ben said...

In my last post I said your folks should except her, however I now think that you should find yourself a good Jew women!

O.K. I don't feel that way but I can't comment becuase I never grew up in a devout religious family and don't know how much pressure you are under to conform. Do what makes YOU happy (if making your folks content makes you happier than dating your perfect women, then make your folks content!)