Monday, July 10, 2006

Ami's reasons why not

To be honest I've kinda lost interest in blogging. Here, in no particular order, is a list as to why my interest has dropped.

1) Summer Movies. Superman, Pirates of the Caribbean, A Scanner Darkly, The Prairie home Companion. There is just so much time that exists in the day. And I have a horrid addiction to the cinema.

2) A mildly active social life. When I started blogging I had none, and now, I do. I'm not saying that one needn't have a life to be a blogger, far from it. Just that I'm a lazy, lazy man and if I go out, I am too lazy to blog afterwards.

3) Work. The bit at Tribeca is good (in fact that's where I'm blogging from right now), and not at all busy (thus the blogging right now part). It's Frappacino season at Starbucks. Being sticky and reeking of coffee is not so conducive to blogging.

4) So I think this is the real reason. I kinda, sorta, have a girlfriend now. And by "kinda, sorta" I mean I do have a girlfriend right now. I just feel weird using the word girlfriend. Especially since the girl in question is eight (seven and a half to be more accurate) years younger than me. And especially since she is going off to college come the end of August. A college, which - though in NY State - is far away enough that our relationship now has a potential expiration date when she leaves. Also because no one knows we are dating (well, three people do, but they don't count, no one else knows) and we are keeping it quiet (her decision, not mine - though admittedly it's one I very much agree with presently).

And that is really the problem. I'm trying to spend as much time with her as possible before she leaves. Which leads me to my next problem.

Last we spoke she was not in the best of moods. I tried to coax the reason out, but she remained silent. After a movie she confessed that she realized that though she didn't want to become too attached to me (for the reasons stipulated above, i.e college) she realized she probably won't be able to help it (yay me and my ladykiller like smooth moves) which will make leaving even harder.

I tried to play it off as cool as I could, talking about how more worrying = less fun right now. Something along the lines of we'll see what happens when it happens. Trying to keep everything relaxed and such.

There is, however, that very selfish part of me that wants her feeling attached to me, that wants it to be hard for her to leave. That desires that sort of attention. Mostly because it's gonna freaking kill me when she leaves. Hell, I wind up missing her on the few days we spend apart. I don't even want to think about when it's much more permanent.

Though I've really only had one serious relationship in my life, I'd like to think I have had my fair share of relationships in general. In the past, with the girls I've dated, I always felt like I was playing a role. Like if I dated her (all the various hers I've dated) long enough I would feel the way one is supposed to feel towards someone you're dating. Even the serious relationship I jumped into too serious too quick and said things I realized later I didn't really mean.

This is the first time I've actually been as happy as I thought I was supposed to be in my previous relationships. It's an odd sensation, and not one that I want to give up anytime soon. I'm not going to get all mushy, or use any grandiose terms, just suffice to say that I like J_ (the girlfriend) a lot, more than I think I have anyone before.

It's just our timing that sucks.



P.S. yeah, so I'm sick of these boring, serious posts. The next one (hopefully the next few) will be funny and interesting - or if nothing else at least funny. I'm getting sick of my dopey angsty mopey complaining crap. It's totally time to stop being that.

15 comments:

rawbean said...

If memory serves me correctly, the state of NY is teeny tiny. You should be able to just go visit her. If you love her you'll do it.

Problem is...its hard to compete with that cute guy in her Art History class you know what I mean? Cause he's there every day.

Nonny said...

Don't listen to Rawbean buddy. Your the cat's pajama's. Your so money and you don't even know it. It will all work out in the end. Trust me, I'm older than you.

Amichai said...

Rawbean - It'll be about a five to six hour drive. Though not the biggest state, NY is big enough. And seriously, I'm still surprised I've somehow tricked into liking me now, let alone how I'd compete when she's hanging out with that cool art major in her history class, he probably has his own motorcycle and plays by his own rules. Hell, I haven't even met him and even I want to date him.

Nonny - I know I shouldn't mention anything, especially since I know you always got my back, but it's been bugging me for freaking ever. "you're so money" not "your so money". Yeah, I'm a grammar jerk, but I only do it out of love.

Amichai said...

Also Nonny, Thanks. If it weren't for you I dont' know if I'd actually have any self esteem at all. If only there was someway I could package you and keep you in my wallet. Nonny in a wallet. Could be a hot seller.

rawbean said...

hey! you spell "friend" wrong all the time amichai. Just like I spell "realize" wrong. OH us.

Nonny said...

You are correct sir. I did spell that wrong. I'm usually a stickler for grammer too. But seeing how you always do the "i before e" thing wrong, I figured this was a poor grammer haven. I stopped pointing that out because, well, I love you like a brother and didn't want to push the envelope of our friendship. Apparently, I was wrong in that thinking. Can I have a hug?

piu piu said...

not the best advice... but have fun now and worry later. at least... try...

its cool that youre a 'new man' amichai! u have feelings and arent afraid to use them! its good!

Amichai said...

the i before e thing always kills me. Feel free to tell me everytime I mess up. it's the only way i'll stop making that mistake.

Piu- What do you mean by "a new man"?

Princess Pessimism said...

WOW!!! That is such an amazing statement. That you are feeling as happy as you were supposed to be in pervious relationships....

i'm an idealist. And I look for things like that *your level of happiness* to set as goals for myself. This is probably the reason im single, and jump from guy to guy.....not one of them has ever made me as happy as I felt that I deserved to be.

piu piu said...

its a cheesey term- did it not hit the states? the new man is the one who cries, and has feelings etc etc..

Amichai said...

If it did I haven't heard it yet. I guess I might be a new man as I'm not really an old man.

Amichai said...

PP- Standards are good, but they also kept me single for a long time (well, living at home had a lot to do with that too).

Fridaysweb said...

Dangit! I tried to comment yesterday, and my computer froze. I *thought* I replied today, and my computer froze. I will try again and shoot my computer if it freezes again.

Enjoy J_ while you can. You truly never know what the future holds. If the art dude shows up, he'll never measure up, Honey. J_ will always compare every college guy to the wise and wonderful writer/coffee-slinger who stole her heart in the summer of '06. No matter where yall's roads lead, you are both for the better because of one another. Love with all your heart. Live like there's no tomorrow. Don't let the end of the rainbow ever come into view. The pot of gold is exactly where you are, right now.

Princess Pessimism said...

I guess that its standards that are keeping me single. I would have said that I was horribly picky. But standards is a much nicer way of saying it.

Brooke said...

You may spell "friend" incorrectly, but I always spell "restaurant" wrong. WHich is worse? Two more things:

1) Link to me, and I'll link to you.
2) I agree with piu piu. Enjoy your time with her now. Worry later, and then make it work. Six hours is nothing!