This is why people suck

I hate people. I hate people so much I can't remember a time when I didn't hate people. I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm a complete loner, but generally I prefer to either be alone or the company of just a few friends, and I hate meeting strangers. People bother the crap out of me. This might surprise anyone who knows that I have worked in customer service most of my life. Simultaneously this might also explain why I hate people so much. I fake it pretty well, working behind a register, being all bright and cheerful, but I only act that way because I'm getting paid to do so. Maybe I'm not as bitter as this paragraph makes me seem, but I do hate people none-the-less.

This past Wednesday I was working at Tribeca Productions. It was slow all day long, mostly due to the writers strike. No submissions, no rewrites, and very little we, as a production company, could do. It got to a point where the director of development was tossing a water bottle up and down into the air out of boredom, and joking that he soon might also need to get a job at Starbucks. Having little to do myself I hopped on Triggerstreet to read other amateur writers material and write reviews/constructive criticism to help them improve their writing. I have some material posted and reviews I have received have helped me write better drafts. I read a short story and this is the review that I posted for a story entitled BEING DUMB:

I can't tell if this story is trying to be ironic or if it's supposed to be read straight forward. At first I thought the story was being told from an eleven year old's perspective but then even though the story had a bit of a child like voice the character got older.

Then I thought that perhaps the narrator was actually supposed to be as dumb as he claimed, only every so often he would say mildly ironic things leading me to believe he isn't supposed to be that dumb after all. The bit about the college degree in the end was pretty confusing, not unto itself but when juxtaposed with the tone.

the bit about the abusive step-father came out of left field, then was dropped almost as soon as it came. Either the guy is really dumb and it's inconsequential to him, or he just pretends to be dumb, but then why doesn't he make this a bigger issue, or lead up to it a bit better? It was another moment where I couldn't tell exactly the intent of the story.

the story, I think, was also a few pages too long. It's a bit repetitive, at least in the telling of all the different girls, and if you took one or two girls out near the end you could shave a few pages without losing anything.

I know this seems like a disparaging review, but I did like the story. It was very cute and at moments the narrators voice really resonated with the storytelling. It was a good read that I think can use a little more work.

Arguably, the writing in this review could have been better. I wrote it pretty quick after I read the short story in question. I didn't much care for the story and I tried to write my concerns and straightforward as I could. I wasn't trying to be mean, just honest, tempered with some compassion in the end. I mean it's difficult to write a glowing review if one thinks the piece in question is sub par. And that's the point of the reviews on Triggerstreet, for writers to get feedback about their stories, both the good and the bad.

The next day this is the e-mail I received from the writer of BEING DUMB (which apparently was a biography, though not mentioned anywhere for me to know that, unless I am supposed to assume that all stories written in first person are biographical):

You know, instantly, I guessed a lot about you. Even where you’re from, your age (actually I thought you were a few years younger) and your heritage. That obnoxious rudeness and lack of any common sense gave you away.

Not understanding the story or who the narrator is, is okay. I can except that from someone like you.

It’s those dumb remarks, asshole. I bet you got your ass kicked quite a bit when you were a kid.

I’m sure you won’t (and incapable of) back up anything you wrote with examples.

This piece was clearly autobiographical to anyone with a little reading comprehension. As children we sometimes do stupid things (you probably still do). If you could have understood what I wrote (I doubt you actually read it, because I can’t believe you can be that stupid.), the actions of the adults were actually more senseless than anything the main child did. But of course, you’re incapable of seeing that. Actually I’m sure you can’t understand what I wrote so far.

You make this asinine remark about the step-father. That can be expected from someone who isn’t too bright (and doesn’t realize it). I won’t attempt to explain it to you simply because you wouldn’t understand it.

You question my degree? How did you make it through high school?

Which girls do you suggest I remove? It’s part of a constructive review to give examples and why. But since I’ve had the displeasure of getting several of your verbal attacks without one iota of constructive criticism, I realize that’s not your style.

The stories involving the girls all led to something else. Maybe you didn’t comprehend that part (that’s if you read it).

I’m confident being honest wasn’t a part of your upbringing. But I’ll ask the boy, clearly lacking in credibility, did you actually read this story (I know 19 pages is a lot)? What is it: incapable of understanding simple things or you didn’t actually read the whole thing?

I don’t really expect any kind of intelligent response (fuck you is probably your definition of an intelligent response, much like the mind of a ten year old).

All I was trying to do is be helpful, show what I found to be the weaker points of his story. That's the whole point of Triggerstreet. I want to write him back but I know it's pointless. It's just really fucking me up.

And this is why, people suck.

Because you all really care what I think about trivial stuff (aka really lame post)

So maybe you don't really care what I think about trivial stuff. I don't know, but I haven't written in a while, and as I still have little to write about - by this of course I mean I have little I feel motivated about which to write - I shall now, in order to make this sentance ridiculously long, give you my thoughts on stuff; Hooray Stuff!

It's J_'s birthday on Thursday and I'm am bussing up to see her. I'm actually pretty excited about this, but at the same time a bit nervous as I have yet to buy her a birthday present (J_ if you are reading this, which I know you do sometimes, this is a lie, and I totally already bought a gift that I put a lot of forsight into, and you can skip to the next paragraph). I was gonna get her a Hamsa Necklace from here but the only ones I really liked (and can afford) are yellow gold and J_ doesn't really like yellow gold - and I also decided I didn't really want to go with Jewlery, so now I don't know and am running out of time.

I'm thinking of getting new glasses.

I don't like non-dairy cheese. Philisophically I have nothing against it, I just don't like it.

My script on Triggerstreet has been nominated to be script of the month of Janurary. There are two other scripts in the running. I'd like to be proud of this, but really I've read past scripts that have won and let me tell you, it's not such an honor. It's fun to say, but ultimately meaningless. It doesn't so much tell me that I'm good, just that I don't suck as much as everyone else on the site - which I guess is something.

And there you go, a post for the sake of posting. Hopefully next time I'll have something interesting to write about.

The good and the bad (the ugly is on a much needed vacation)

I have caught a cold. It's one of those really annoying completely bearable colds. It's just enough to make you feel lousy, but not lousy enough to skip work, or any other aspect of life to rot in front of the TV with a box of tissues and hot soup. This is me drinking tons of OJ, sucking down halls vitamin C drops (strawberry flavored) and drinking cup after cup of chamomile tea. For dinner on Friday I made an egg drop soup (super easy) and a rice and spinach casserole. The egg drop soup was good - though kinda a cheat. It's just about a quart of chicken stock (fake chicken stock for us vegetarians) a tablespoon of soy sauce, and a tablespoon of tomato sauce. When it's all boiling you drop two eggs (already scrambled) into the soup and whisk vigorously for thirty seconds. Serve immediately with some chopped scallions to garnish. It's not filling but it is definitely soothing.

My brother made the astute and oddly accurate remark that the casserole was both bland and spicy at the same time. Yes I know that sounds impossible, yet with my culinary skills (or lack thereof) I have achieved this dichotomous feat. Needless to say we have a lot left over in the fridge.

I have a new script up on Triggerstreet available for anyone to read. The bad news, you have to become a member of Triggerstreet to actually read any of the scripts posted there. The good news, membership is free, and they really don't give out any personal information. I've been a member for nearly a year and all my info has been kept completely and utterly confidential. The script is called Nothing into Something (working title only) and has gotten three reviews starting it off at number 96 on the site. For those of you unfamiliar (have yet to read my rants about triggerstreet here, here, here, here, here, here, and here) Triggerstreet is a forum and to a lesser extent competition for amateur screenwriters and film makers to post their work and get feedback from other members (technically it's also Kevin Spacey's production company). The feedback one receives comes in the form of reviews thus giving one's script a ranking. New rankings are compiled nightly based on any new reviews. As I see it 96 is a very respectable starting point as there are 2317 ranked scripts on the site. Being in the top 100 is great, though I wouldn't mind this one hitting the top ten. I just have to wait for more reviews to pour in.

If you are curious as to what my screenplays might be like feel free to join Triggerstreet and check for yourself. I would make them downloadable from my blog if only I knew how.

most people suck

As mentioned in previous posts, I am a member of Triggerstreet.com. It's an online forum and workshop for screenwriters and filmmakers created by Kevin Spacey in order to weed out new talent from outside Hollywood. There are over 2000 members and it is free to join. I post under the name Chrysalis because I joined before my epiphany.

Anyway, the dork that I am, I read and post on various threads on the message boards, usually the ones devoted to specific aspects of writing. One such thread was a discussion as to how much one should focus on format when reviewing and rating other people's scripts. There were some complaints that some members are sticklers when it comes to "proper format". I put that in quotes because the main arguement against said sticklers is there is no completely standard screenplay format.

Thing is, there is a stanard format, it's just much more fluid that we give it credit for. In my opinion, format is important (bad formating says almost as much about the writing as it does the writer and distracts from the story) but shouldn't come close to over shadowing the story or the characters in regards to importance in reviewing. A happy middle ground.

But that's all background for this next bit. Because there is some arguement as to what is or is not proper format one member wrote:

"ironically, even the farmat Nazis can't agree on what format is."

First off, that's his misspelling on format, not mine; so there's that. But I let that one slide. What really bothered me was the usage of the word Nazi. And in response (and I guess the fault really is mine because I started this whole stupid thing) I wrote:

First this is my little side rant, (my pet peeve if you will), I know it wasn't meant this way, and this isn't a dig towards the writer, but I really can't stand it when the term nazi is used so loosely. To compare someone who is strict in regards to grammar, spelling, or the sales of soup (regardless as to how funny it is - and that was a funny seinfeld episode) to an ideology of genocide, never sits well with me. One would never call someone else a "spelling klansman", it sounds silly, and that's basically what I hear when I read the word nazi thrown around as such. But that's my thing and this is the end of my rant.

You can judge, but I tried to be civil whilst still getting my point across. My next paragraph (which I won't bore you with) was basically a summery of my thoughts on format, as previuosly discussed in the beginning of this post.

The responses I recieved? Damn did they get my blood boiling. The first basically said (boiling down to the essentials) that I justified the terms usage in my own paragraph because,

But isn't one writer comdemning another writer for being outside their parameters a form of literary genocide?

Not only was that one of the stupidest things I've ever read, I don't know what literary genocide is, save perhaps the wholesale slaughter of authors and poets then burning their work. And I'm pretty sure that's not what this person meant because said member went on and wrote about writers as artists and thinking out of the box and such while not worrying about the little bits and peices. It was a shame really as before I read this post I had some respect (via prevoius posts on different matters) for this member.

The second response - and god, I hope there will be no more - quoted my work then wrote:

wow, you're the biggest semantics nazi I have ever seen.

I've never wanted to kick anyones front teeth in more than I did to this member after reading the post. The term annoying monkey molesting stupid fucking douchebag bastard (commas omited intentionally) is one I rarely dust off, but in this members case the moniker fits because said member really is an annoying monkey molsesting stupid fucking douchbag bastard (and I have the pictures to prove it).

I'm wiped

I'm so fucking beat. Pardon my language but honestly, the house in queens is wicked small and there isn't enough room for everything, and the basement floor won't be finished until november (it's only half done now). So much stuff coming back and forth between the house, the cars, and the garage. My arms are bruised from carrying so much stuff. There is probably a lot I can write about but I'm far too tired.

Instead feel free to read my review of Tim Burton's Corpse Bride over at The Noyse.

I'll probably be absent for the next few days as it is the Jewish New Year and I am a practacing Jew (practice makes perfect, and I figure I'll get it right one day, right now though, boy do I need the practice).

On a plus note, a script I wrote just to see if I could write a noiresque sci-fi just got to the top ten over at Triggerstreet. It's always the one you don't expect. I spent years of my life on a script and it doesn't break 300. I spend a month writing this one (you can't download it without joining Triggerstreet) and bang, it hits the top ten. It's never what I expect. And if you happen to check out Triggerstreet you will notice that someone named Chrysalis who may or may not be a bunny is the reviewer of the month. For those curious, Chrysalis is my Triggerstreet psuedonym.

And here I'm going to check out. The Red Sox are up 7-1 on Yankees, so take that all my new neighbors (though since I'm in Queens they are probably Mets fans and don't really care). Cleveland lost (sorry dad) so the Red Sox is (are? grammatically I'm lost here) the wild card for the world series. I'm hoping for them going all the way again this year, but I'm not going to push my luck. As long as it isn't the Yankees, I'll be fine.

The good the bad and the candidate for pastic surgery

First thing first, though nothing is going to come of this it is a nice ego boost right when I needed it. My script on triggerstreet received a few more reviews and jumped up into the top ten on the site. That's the top ten out of a little over 2000 scripts. This means very little in the real world, but it's a nice temporary feather in my cap.

Secondly, this is one of the funnier postings I've seen online recently. You will not be disapointed (Pun intended. What pun you ask, check out the post!).

And thirdly, I hung out with my friend Jenni last night. We saw the cute yet mildly disappointing French film "Look At Me" at the Lexington theater. Jenni normally lives out in Utah for half the year and West Virginia the other half, leading various different outdoor adventure groups (mostly for troubled teens). Whilst in Utah, on a mountain biking trip she broke her ankle and a few other bones in her legs. I saw the pictures and the X-rays and they are nasty. Her ankle is bent in a direction it shouldn't by all accounts be bent at. I shudder just thinking about it (but I will not hesitate to post the images of said ankle if she ever sends them to me - just to share with everyone else). She's undergone some surgery and now has a metal plate and pin keeping her lower left leg together (along with a cast) She has come home to Lexington to recover and be taken care of (she probably won't be able to walk on her own until sometime in September of this year).

Anyway, I don't know why Jenni is my friend. Most people try to be cool. They might buy certain clothes, hang out in certain places with certain people, read certain books, see certain movies, listen to certain music; all in the attempt to be cool. Coolness is something most of us strive for. We all have a different idea as to what cool is, for some it's getting into that really exclusive club. For others it's getting the newest Dismemberment Plan CD and complaining that Modest Mouse sold out. Whatever it is, we want to be it. Whether we realize this or not, trying to be cool takes up most of how we interact with the world. I don't by any stretch of the imagination mean that we are being fake or phony, just simply trying to be cool is simply trying to be our best.

Jenni doesn't try to be cool. Trying to be cool is the farthest thing from her mind. Jenni is one of the few people who don't have to try, she just is cool. I doesn't matter what she wears, who she might listen to, what books she reads, who she talks to; she is cool - she just can't help it. She is cool in any and every situation. It's not an act, it's not a pretension, it's just who she is, and she probably doesn't even realize how cool she is (which is just one of the ways one can figure out who really is cool). She might not fit in every crowd, but I can't imagine anyone (regardless who they are) not thinking she is cool.

Aesthetically she isn't anything extraordinary. She's cute, not movie cute, just in a regular person sort of way. That being said I haven't met a man yet who isn't instantly crushed after finding out she's in a relationship. This aura of coolness permiates her being attracting everyone she meets.

And I don't know why she's my friend. Rather, I don't know why she has chosen to be friends with me. I certainly know why I want to be her friend. I always have fun hanging out with her. I don't anyone to get the wrong impression, my fondness towards her is purely platonic (I would disagree with Harry, men and women can just be friends). It's just I've met some of her other friends and they are also cool people (the type of kids I always wanted to hang out with in high school, but was too scared to try). All very nice, all very open to everybody, all very engaging, all very cool. I am pretty nice, I try (though often fail) to be open to everybody, and I can be engaging, but I'm not particularly cool.

I have good friends, in fact they're great. They're all good people in the same way I would like to think I'm a good person - I wouldn't change them for the world. But Jenni; Jenni is my cool friend. The friend that I wonder what I might have done in my past life to get a friend as cool as Jenni.

I'm just thankful that she'll never realize how cool she is, or if she does, she still won't care (she's that cool!) and that these thoughts will never plague her mind as they plague mine.

Uhh.. Carry on then.

Trying to figure out 42

I'm still going through the process of figuring it all out. In an earlier post I mentioned that my life is unraveling, and I want to clarify by stating that I was overstating the matter. My life, as it stands is more akin to legos than anything else. Perhaps you have had this experience: as a child you decided to build a magnificent lego structure. You build and build and build. You follow the directions, and as you are nearly finished you invite a friend over to marvel at your creation. This friend, with no malicious intent, walks over to your structure to inspect it. The friend reaches to touch it and accidentally breaks off a piece. While attempting to fix the gaff the friend accidentally knocks into another section knocking pieces apart. Quickly you pull your friend aside and say you'll fix it later, now realizing the only way to piece it back together is to pull more apart and start over again.

Maybe this has happened to you, maybe not, but that is about as good as an analogy I can come up with for my present situation. Everything is falling apart, but it isn't by any means broken, and at least I have a friend touching my stuff.

First off, I'm not getting any freaking job interviews. None what-so-ever! And this is seriously starting to wear on my self-esteem. Am I really this worthless? What am I doing wrong? And so forth. But this is only the beginning.

I have two friends (I have more than just two but I'm only writing about these two) living together in Manhattan. They aren't talking to each other any more. They were going to move down to Louisville, Kentucky come september, but that looks less likely to happen, as they are no longer speaking to each other, and I think it's my fault. I'm the first one to admit it, I don't understand women. Not one bit. I'm not going to make any stupid stereotypes about the differences between the sexes so often commented upon by lame comedians, suffice to say that there are differences, neither being better or worse than the other. A month ago I was invited to move down south with them, and late last week I called asking if the invitation was still open. I was feeling stagnant, the move was only going to be for 9 months, and I thought a change would do me some good.

Now I'm not so sure what happened next. The two of them spoke, they argued about something- I'm not entirely sure what, I've heard a different story from each of them- and now they aren't speaking, they aren't going to be moving together, and it all has something to do with my question wondering if the invitation was still open. One of them is moving down to Louisville, the other is convinced that she is moving to Eugene, Oregon with me, something I'm still not sure exactly how it happened. I remember saying Eugene sounded like a nice place, something of a college town, and that somehow translated into "Yes, let's move to Eugene together." She currently is so set on this I don't know how to back out without hurting her feelings. But I have to figure something out soon as I'm going to her graduate school graduation this Friday.

My artist, the one with whom I've been collaborating on a comic book, bailed on me. I thought things were going well. Apparently he couldn't pull it together, didn't have the inspiration needed, and bam, gone. This is the fourth artist to bail on me. And once again I go back to the idea that this is somehow my fault. If it's such a consistent problem it can't be just a coincidence. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. After I give them the script we talk, and I let them know they can run with it. Take as many creative liberties as they think necessary, make it as much their own as it is mine. I don't set up any specific schedules, and try to play it by ear. I don't pester them with e-mails or phone calls everyday, or even every week. usually a letter every two weeks to see how things are going, maybe schedule a meeting in a month, or just to shoot the shit. I never hold on too tight for fear they'll slip away through my fingers, but maybe I should be closing my hand just a little bit. I don't know.

I might be homeless come june 30th and have to figure out where I'm going to live, and how I'm going to pay for it.

So there is all that.

On the plus side, I have a script doing well on Trigger street (it's #250 out of about 2050, the best I've done so far). Also, theNoyse.com liked my writing sample and I probably will be writing reviews for them and maybe a regular column. It's not paying, but at least it's a step in the right direction. So my life doesn't completely suck.

I'm not in the best mood for writing which should explain the poor writing quality of this post. My next one will be better written, I promise.

Uhh.... carry on then

I'm doomed to post-humous fame

I've gotten a lot of response (well 10 responses) back on TriggerStreet for my script. It runs either hot or cold, there is no middle ground. The people who don't like it (and they are in the majority) are the same ones who complain that they didn't understand it. Those who said they did understand it enjoyed it immensely.

So I'm stuck. I've worked on one final draft not yet uploaded, and I don't think I will. It's never going to be made anyway so there's that. If it is, it will be one of those independent films a few people think is brilliant (in my opinion, the smart people) while the majority will call it pretentious drivel (and I guess I couldn't blame them either).

It's just a bit frustrating. If no one got it that'd be one thing, but I know there is enough there to really understand the story (because some people do). I just don't know how to make it more clear for everyone else with out ruining the story. I've tried but then it just becomes too expositional and boring. So as far as I'm concerned now, this - my sixth draft - is my final draft; it's done, and anyone who doesn't understand it can bugger off.

I'd create a link so one could dowload it from this blog, only I don't know how to do that.

It's now 4am and I'm still too tired and congested to come up with a closing catchphrase.

A setback

My movement is starting off very weak. As mentioned in previous posts I frequent Triggerstreet.com a website for amateur screenwriters and filmmakers. On that site they have a plethora of message boards. I don't often post, but I read because during the day I sometimes have naught else to do.

So I started my own thread, basically restating the tenets of my previous post. Needless to say I was overcome with opposition. I continued forward into the fray. Common responses: "It's just easier, people might not understand the underlying meaning behind your words with out the smiley faces, they are tools like punctuation." And so forth. I parried back stating that if one can discern the tone of a novel or an op-ed piece they should be able to do the same with an online posting. If one is so concerned one might be misconstrued one should put more thought into one's language.

Again a barrage of opposition.

I thrust myself back into the discussion, this time attempting to prove my point by composing an entire posting solely in haiku (four haikus to be precise). No one seemed to care and continued disagreeing with me. Finally I yielded, not my point, rather that I would no longer push the issue. And this retreat was posted in Iambic Pentameter, two quatrains of rhyming verse, abab cdcd.

And once again my attempt to show the power of the written word was lost on my fellows on Triggerstreet. Though one can take meaning from this that the written word does not contain the power I once presupposed; I still stand by my thesis. Only now with this addendum: people are more entrenched in this short hand than I previously believed.

Perhaps it is because I studied writing in college; I am lazy in almost every aspect of my life (really gotta get my taxes done) except for what may have to do with language, specifically: writing.


trying a new catchphrase to see if it sticks
"Everything is a miracle. It is a miracle one does not disslove in one's bath like a lump of sugar." -Pablo Picasso

On a hair trigger

I just posted a revised script on triggerstreet.com. It's one of the most nerve wracking things in the world (save most everything else in the world, let's face it, the world is pretty nerve wracking). It's the waiting that does it too me everytime. I have to wait to get reviews. It's going to take a few days before I get any feedback and that entire time I'm going to stuck in a state of perpetual anxiety. I know I shouldn't care what these people think, and I don't so much, at least not until I know what they think. Until I know, I care a great deal. It's strange but true.

In other news I'm going to try out new closing catch phrases starting with:

Hey! What are you looking at? PUNK!

For the love of pete, or, why do I suck?

So I joined triggerstreet.com. It's a web site where people post short films and feature length screenplays, and the other members give it feedback and reviews. I posted a screenplay that I know needs some work, but I needed direction as to what I parts I should work on. I tried very hard to be subtle, cute, and to a certain extent fall in the category of magical realism.

it was panned. Completely. I'm getting horrible reviews. that unto itself isn't bad. I know it needs work, that's why I posted it. My problem is this. I just read a screenplay posted by a fellow member that was horrible. Really bad. It was supposed to be a romantic comedy but was neither romantic (unless you confuse romance for lust) nor was it comedy. It was the same old generic attempted twist of Cyrano De Bergerac. It was god awful. And it's doing leaps and bounds better than mine on the site.

Like I said, I wasn't expecting mine to be considered brilliant, or even in the top 100 of the site (there are near 2000 postings) I just didn't expect it to be so (nearly 900 places) far behind this obvious piece of crap.

And this isn't me being belligerent because i was panned. There are plenty of scripts I've read on that site that deserve to be ahead of mine. Ones that are clearly superior to mine, I respond accordingly on the site when I review them. It just depresses me that there is no accounting for taste, or that too many people have bad taste.

I guess that's my rant for today. Most people suck, what else is new?