This is why people suck

I hate people. I hate people so much I can't remember a time when I didn't hate people. I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm a complete loner, but generally I prefer to either be alone or the company of just a few friends, and I hate meeting strangers. People bother the crap out of me. This might surprise anyone who knows that I have worked in customer service most of my life. Simultaneously this might also explain why I hate people so much. I fake it pretty well, working behind a register, being all bright and cheerful, but I only act that way because I'm getting paid to do so. Maybe I'm not as bitter as this paragraph makes me seem, but I do hate people none-the-less.

This past Wednesday I was working at Tribeca Productions. It was slow all day long, mostly due to the writers strike. No submissions, no rewrites, and very little we, as a production company, could do. It got to a point where the director of development was tossing a water bottle up and down into the air out of boredom, and joking that he soon might also need to get a job at Starbucks. Having little to do myself I hopped on Triggerstreet to read other amateur writers material and write reviews/constructive criticism to help them improve their writing. I have some material posted and reviews I have received have helped me write better drafts. I read a short story and this is the review that I posted for a story entitled BEING DUMB:

I can't tell if this story is trying to be ironic or if it's supposed to be read straight forward. At first I thought the story was being told from an eleven year old's perspective but then even though the story had a bit of a child like voice the character got older.

Then I thought that perhaps the narrator was actually supposed to be as dumb as he claimed, only every so often he would say mildly ironic things leading me to believe he isn't supposed to be that dumb after all. The bit about the college degree in the end was pretty confusing, not unto itself but when juxtaposed with the tone.

the bit about the abusive step-father came out of left field, then was dropped almost as soon as it came. Either the guy is really dumb and it's inconsequential to him, or he just pretends to be dumb, but then why doesn't he make this a bigger issue, or lead up to it a bit better? It was another moment where I couldn't tell exactly the intent of the story.

the story, I think, was also a few pages too long. It's a bit repetitive, at least in the telling of all the different girls, and if you took one or two girls out near the end you could shave a few pages without losing anything.

I know this seems like a disparaging review, but I did like the story. It was very cute and at moments the narrators voice really resonated with the storytelling. It was a good read that I think can use a little more work.

Arguably, the writing in this review could have been better. I wrote it pretty quick after I read the short story in question. I didn't much care for the story and I tried to write my concerns and straightforward as I could. I wasn't trying to be mean, just honest, tempered with some compassion in the end. I mean it's difficult to write a glowing review if one thinks the piece in question is sub par. And that's the point of the reviews on Triggerstreet, for writers to get feedback about their stories, both the good and the bad.

The next day this is the e-mail I received from the writer of BEING DUMB (which apparently was a biography, though not mentioned anywhere for me to know that, unless I am supposed to assume that all stories written in first person are biographical):

You know, instantly, I guessed a lot about you. Even where you’re from, your age (actually I thought you were a few years younger) and your heritage. That obnoxious rudeness and lack of any common sense gave you away.

Not understanding the story or who the narrator is, is okay. I can except that from someone like you.

It’s those dumb remarks, asshole. I bet you got your ass kicked quite a bit when you were a kid.

I’m sure you won’t (and incapable of) back up anything you wrote with examples.

This piece was clearly autobiographical to anyone with a little reading comprehension. As children we sometimes do stupid things (you probably still do). If you could have understood what I wrote (I doubt you actually read it, because I can’t believe you can be that stupid.), the actions of the adults were actually more senseless than anything the main child did. But of course, you’re incapable of seeing that. Actually I’m sure you can’t understand what I wrote so far.

You make this asinine remark about the step-father. That can be expected from someone who isn’t too bright (and doesn’t realize it). I won’t attempt to explain it to you simply because you wouldn’t understand it.

You question my degree? How did you make it through high school?

Which girls do you suggest I remove? It’s part of a constructive review to give examples and why. But since I’ve had the displeasure of getting several of your verbal attacks without one iota of constructive criticism, I realize that’s not your style.

The stories involving the girls all led to something else. Maybe you didn’t comprehend that part (that’s if you read it).

I’m confident being honest wasn’t a part of your upbringing. But I’ll ask the boy, clearly lacking in credibility, did you actually read this story (I know 19 pages is a lot)? What is it: incapable of understanding simple things or you didn’t actually read the whole thing?

I don’t really expect any kind of intelligent response (fuck you is probably your definition of an intelligent response, much like the mind of a ten year old).

All I was trying to do is be helpful, show what I found to be the weaker points of his story. That's the whole point of Triggerstreet. I want to write him back but I know it's pointless. It's just really fucking me up.

And this is why, people suck.

I wish I wasn't a moron

So:

Today at Starbucks I'm working, making drinks, making small talk with customers, doing what I'm paid to do. It's a bit busy but no big deal.

There are these two girls who have started coming in. A white girl and an asian girl. They seem nice. Both studying to be, well, I don't know the official scientific term, but basically foot surgeons. Apparently they've asked about me when I wasn't around, and now I get teased by my fellow co-workers when they come in. I'm not interested in either of them, but it's nice to know there are people out there in the world who find me desirable.

The two girls in question came in, and of course I make small talk (which is how I learned about their studies and their intended career). When their backs are turned my manager Danny teases me a bit, all in good nature, and I'm feeling pretty cool.

Feeling cool is always what leads me into trouble because I am never, in no way, cool.

Later, still feeling cool, a man, say in his mid-thirties walks in, a professional look about him even though he's wearing a Superman t-shirt. Of course, being the comic book dork I am, I talk up a bit about superman, and we this man says that a few years ago he dressed up as Clark Kent for Halloween.

Anyway, a bit later I catch him reading what I think is a Justice League comic, mostly because it has Superman on the cover.

Ok, in reality, maybe an hour total has passed since the girls walked in and then this fellow with the superman shirt. I punch out to leave and the man with the Superman shirt asks if I'm the manager. I'm not the manager but maybe I can help him. He asks an innocuous question about the furniture but there really isn't anything we can do to help because we get all the furniture from Starbucks corporate and know nothing about it.

Then I ask him about the comic book, which turns out to be the Justice Society, not Justice League. Those of you not into comics are probably thinking, who cares, right? Well, no one really cares. I tell him the only reason I asked was I wanted to know what he might have thought about the new Justice League writer. He didn't really answer but said that the Justice Society comic was good. I responded that the writer of the Justice Society, Geoff Johns, never really thrilled me. I liked his run on the Flash, but outside the Flash it was just ok and I didn't think I was going to pick it up.

What's the big deal with all of this? I felt cool so I engaged a customer after I was off the clock. Had I not felt cool I probably would have directed his question to someone still on the clock and made my exit. The cooler I feel the more likely I'm to interact with strangers.

I came home and something about the whole exchange niggled me in the back of the head. Not so much a voice, but a general uneasiness, which kept biting the corner of all my thoughts. I decide, because this is how fate works, to look Geoff Johns up on the internet.

I've never seen Geoff John in person or in any photograph before today, but after seeing his image just a few moments ago on the internet, I'm about 85 percent sure that the man I spoke with at Starbucks was Geoff Johns himself, and I told him I wasn't thrilled by his writing. First off, as a writer I know how much that really sucks. Secondly, I would love to write comic books someday. And if it was Geoff Johns (which I'm now pretty sure he was), he'd be an amazing contact to have. I can't imagine, in my stupid, look how cool I am fanboy mode, I gave a good first impression. "Hey, yeah, remember me? I'm the idiot barista who said you weren't such a good writer to your face. How'd you like to help get me a job?" I don't think that will go over very well.

Next time I just have to remember that I'm not cool and to keep my big mouth shut. Or at least ask for a name first.

last one on the bandwagon (but it's how I feel)

So I grabbed this link from Peter David's Blog but he got it from Dan Slott (sorry couldn't find a homepage for him, but really I didn't look very hard), so I'm just spreading the wealth.

Anyway, I don't know if this counts as Irony that I found the link from a comments forum, but I think it speaks the truth.

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1771556

Fodder for potential stories (and other links of interest)

This is more for my own personal files than it will be for your reading pleasure, though if you want to know the type of stuff that grabs my interest, please enjoy this list of links to various news stories.

Some are bits that spark ideas to be used or modified for future fiction I might conceive, whilst the others are just kinda neat. I haven't verified or done any real fact checking, yet. Needless to say that if any wind up in a story idea more research will be done.

ps3 smarter than supercomputers (wired.com)

this is just more mean than ironic, but talk about false advertising...

Slacker sex comedy maybe? Anything about breasts usually sells (thelondonpaper.com).

not synaesthetic , but seeing eye tongues (scienceblogs.com).

the real TIE (twin ion engines) fighters. (wired.com)

plants that clean as they grow (enviromentalgraffiti.com)

They grew Hitler's brain (not really but still sounds better than they grew a tiny brain in a petri dish - which actually does sound pretty cool the more I think about it). This is definitely story-worth, science fiction meet science fact (cnn.com)

there is a comic book story waiting to grow from this (the discovery channel online, I think)

KABOOM! (youtube.com)

Slightly older news but still pretty cool (time.com)

there is a story in this somewhere, especially, the bit about the abandoned but fully stocked life raft but I need to verify from a more reputable source. (damninteresting.com)

so congress doesn't completely suck (editorandpublisher.com)

I guess he never watches futurama and heeded the warnings of the space pope (ananova.com)

I guess that's all for now, hope you had as much fun as I did.

Better late than never?

Columbus day was yesterday, and though I wanted to post these thoughts yesterday I as busy working, writing, and watching television to get it done. I haven't really been able to focus, but I'll get to that in a bit. First Christopher Columbus.

In the New York Times there was this whole article about where Columbus was from. There is a debate (apparently) as to Columbus's true origins. Whether he was a poor boy from Genoa, or the illegitimate son of Portuguese Royalty, or Catalonian, or a Crypto-Jew hiding from the inquisition, or some other theory that I can't recall at the moment. The Italians claim he is Italian (which is why Columbus day is a big deal for Italian-American communities), the Portuguese claim he is Portuguese, and so forth. Everyone wants to claim him for their own. To which I say, why? What is the point in claiming this man, the last man to discover the "new world," as their own. What does it give them in return? Bragging rights, even though (save the Spanish) if he had stayed in any of his purported homelands, he wouldn't have ever sailed. What sort of bragging right is that? I guess the Spanish have something, that they allowed him to sail, but that is true whether he is native to Spain or not, so why does it matter if he was from Catalonia, or Majorica (an island of the coast of Spain, which I think is another place some historians claim he was from)? And the Jewish thing isn't very credible, in my opinion, and even if he was Jewish, it doesn't help us or anything, especially as part of his argument to travel was to spread the faith in Christ. Not a particularly Jewish thing to do.

And for the record, Columbus was the last person ever to discover America. I'm pretty sure it was found first by the Native peoples who migrated during the ice age (and as far as I'm concerned, if your people have been in the same place since the ice age, that's about as native as anyone in the world can claim to be). Then the Vikings came to North America around 1000 A.D. And last but not least we can't forget (though hotly disputed) the Chinese discovery of the new world about seventy years before Columbus set sail.

But I guess if one is native, a Nordic heathen, or Asian, then the discovery doesn't count. Only European Christians ever discovered anything.

Granted, Columbus did set off the first wave of colonialism in the new world which would eventually lead to other European nations coming over, giving us the country we know and love today. So on that note he is important. But I don't remember ever learning that in school as to why we celebrate Columbus day, it's always because he discovered America. I don't mind celebrating, I just wish we were more honest about his historical importance in the celebration.

But don't mind me, I'm just bitter for unrelated reasons, which I'm still not ready to get into yet.

On the other hand, life might suck

Though this time for completely different reasons than why it might not.

Life might not totally suck

For various reasons that I'll mention if it turns out life doesn't suck. If life does suck then we already know why.

Also, please check out my pal's Charlie's blog. She's a hundred times better at this than I am, also more interesting and smarter. (The fact that she's a far superior writer also helps).

I'll hyperlink it here, when I'm less lazy, but for know it's already linked on the side column where I have all my blog links. Enjoy you crazy readers.

when good ideas go bad

Just to put it out there, I am not a Christian. This is not a remark that is meant to infer judgment. I am not a Christian in the way you hear many secular people claim that though they were raised Cathotolic, Protestant, Evangelical, ect. they no longer believe, say they are not Christians. I am Jewish. But I live in a nation of Christians. This is not to say that America is a Christian Nation. I don't believe that it is. But it would be foolish to say that this country doesn't have a Christian majority. That it's founders were, if not strictly Christian (as many like to call them deists), coming from a Christian heritage in Europe, and had a decidedly Christian view on life. Granted they were also given the foresight, that though there was a Christian majority, we would be given a secular government to ensure the rights of all citizens regardless of religious or ethnic back ground. And to any one out there would claims this isn't really a nation of Christians, ask yourself why we get Christmas vacation but not Passover, Diwali, or Ramadan vacations? Even if you want to call it winter break, it still is set up to coincide with Christmas. So semantics aside, America is, was, and probably always will be set up and run with a Christian ideology (not Judeo-Christian as people like to say, if it really were Judeo-Christian then eating pork would be just as hotly contested as abortion - well that's a stretch, but you understand what I mean).

So it hurts a little bit when I hear about Christian groups complaining about the lack of Christian values in this country. It takes supreme hubris (and a Rumsfeldian sized disconnect with reality) to make such claims and act the victim.

Recently on CNN Christiane Amanpour had a three day special about God's Warriors and if you really want to learn more about it, click the link. Personally I don't think it was that good of a documentary series as it pulls a false analogy between Jews and Christians with religious ferver, to Jihadists who actively train and then follow through with murder. But I'm not going to get into that right now. You can follow the link and make up your own mind.

In this documentary, for God's Christian warriors they follow (among others) a group called BattleCry. to learn more about the organization I give you this and this and then look the rest up yourself (fine I'll help). I also had an interesting conversation with two friends down in Atlanta about BattleCry, and why it scares us as people.

But where am I really going with this you ask? Well I'm glad you did. I went to the Battlecry website and I read their teen bill of rights. And for your reading pleasure I give it to you here.

We, a new generation of young Americans, in order to protect the heritage of our forefathers and secure the blessings of liberty for ourselves and generations to come, do affirm and pledge this declaration:

When character and morality are uncommon qualities,

When corporations and marketers seek to profit from our destruction,

When pop culture icons do not represent our values,

When Judeo-Christian beliefs are labeled as intolerant,

When activists seek to remove God from our schools,

When truth is deemed relative and unknowable,

It is necessary for us, the emerging generation of young Americans, to stand for what is right and reclaim the values that have made our nation great. We call our nation to a higher standard, a lifestyle based

not on convenience, but on character,

not on what is easy, but on what is excellent,

not on what feels good, but on what is good,

not on popularity, but on principle,

not on what is tempting, but on what is true.

We, as young Americans, assert our right to determine our future and the future of our great nation. We hold these truths as our God-given rights, and we embrace them with our hearts and our lives:

We recognize that God, our Creator, is the source of all truth.

We will live with honor, always striving to do the right thing, even when it is unpopular. We will be honest and truthful in matters large and small, regardless of the consequences.

We will take responsibility for our actions, and not point to governments, schools, celebrities, parents, or friends to justify our wrong decisions.

We recognize that we are responsible for our mistakes. We will pursue purity throughout our lives.

We will not be seduced by a fabricated idea of sex and love.

We will save our bodies and hearts for our future spouses, and once married we commit to pursue faithful and enduring relationships.

We will see through the lies of drugs and alcohol and refuse to let any chemical influence our thinking or destroy our lives.

We will respect the authorities placed in our lives, even though some may not live as honorably as they should.

We will honor our parents, teachers, and other leaders.

We will reach out with compassion to the hurting and less fortunate, both in our society and around the world.

We refuse to be absorbed with our own comforts and desires.

We recognize the value of each life, whether born or unborn, and we seek to protect those who are unable to protect themselves.

We will do our best to represent and communicate our Creator to our peers, leaders, and society as a whole.

We will work to see that every person has the opportunity to see and hear about the true nature of our God.

In signing, we commit to pursue a life that exemplifies these standards.

We refuse to sit idly by and witness the destruction of our generation.

With God's help, we envision a bright and prosperous future for the nation we love.

Honestly, even though I'm not Christian, (and I'll let go on my animosity towardst the phrase Judeo-Christian) most of what is in this pledge are actually really nice sentiments. Sure I don't agree with everything in this pledege, but nothing jumps out at me as wrongheaded. Some of it is a bit naive (the bit about abstinence before marriage specifically, and the automatic respect of all authority placed in their lives regardless whether said authorites act with honor or not), but nothing so out there as one would assume based on their rallies and such.

So how does an orginization with a pledge that basically encoureges kids to help other people ("We will reach out with compassion to the hurting and less fortunate, both in our society and around the world.") turn into what they themselves call a militant orginization? It's not called a Battlecry for nothing. How does calling for a war against secularization not contradict with the overt peaceful message in their pledge?

I am just saddened that an idea of peace, and respect, and a desire to share one's belief's (which I am not opposed to, sharing is caring, it's the judging that comes along with it that I don't care for) turn into a fountain of distrust and even hate.

Why so glum chum?

I was going to post a bit about my evening this past Wenesday. Well, I was thinking about it anyway. It's been a bit hectic as my schedule for the past two days have been three parts work to a half a part sleep and a half a part eat. It's been exhasting. Never the less it was an interesing evening.

But lo, to my surprise J_ with her first real food blogging, has beaten me to the punch. If you'd like to see what happened and learn about cool food in NYC please go to her blog.

Also, I promise that this won't become just a contant plug to hers, but I'm still pretty psyched for her and her much better writing (well, much better than mine anyway). Next posting will sure to be as narcissitic as always. Don't you fret.

food glorious food

To be honest, I have more of a "eat to live" person as opposed to a "live to eat" kind of guy. To that end, I don't pay much attention to the food I eat, what kind of food to make, or where I might go and eat. Luckily for me J_ is a foodie. She is definitely a "live to eat" sort of a gal - which makes her svelte figure that much more impressive.

Now, luckily for all of you, she has started a food blog Slottedspoon.blogsome.com. I'm adding it to my links on the side, and you should check it out, then tell your friends and have them check it out, and tell your friends to tell their friends to check it out,and so on and so forth ad nauseum.

Hooray for J_ and for food!

hello cold and uncaring world

Two bits of news. First, I turned Twenty-seven this past Sunday. Hooray! I now officially feel old. not that twenty-seven is really that old, but it just means teh peak of my childhood and mistakes of my early twenties are officially behind me and I really have to grow up fast so I don't turn into the pathetic waste that I feel myself becoming and enter my thirties like this. But as Groucho Marx liked to say, "You're only as old as the woman you feel."

Second, I've updated my links a bit and after taking down some old links, I've added a new web comic to the list of web comics I read. I'd reccommend checking it out. What have you got to lose, except time? (And frankly, if you've stopped to read my blog I assume that you have plenty to spare).

If you're too lazy to scroll down to find the link, I give it to you here, but only because I love you.

I'm totally freaking out!

But only on the inside. On the outside I'm completely calm. Actually, I'm pretty much calm all over, with sporadic panic attacks.

I can't explain, but perhaps one day, when i'm no longer panicing, I'll let you all (i.e. the internet) in on the joke.

Note, 7:45pm: Never mind. All is good. I am not freaking out. That was only a test. If it was a real emergency, my head would have exploded.

Five books you should read if you want to sound smart about stuff

This is not a meme. This is just a short list I've compiled for anyone out there interested in appearing smart without having to carry around that damn Socrates book around with you every where you go.

Now you'll actually be able to engage in all sorts of conversations that have nothing to do with your hair or your blog.

Also, they are fun to read so enjoy.

The Omnivore's Dillema
By Michael Pollen

Everything you'll need to know about America's modern food production, from the industrial food chain, to organics, to hunting and gathering the food yourself. Not only informative, this will change the way you think about food.

Who Wrote The Bible
by Richard Elliot Freidman

This is not a religious book. I mean it is, but it's not advocating a religion. It is simply a smart, concise, and very accessable (even to those who might never have read the bible) explanation of the Documentary hypothisis. That is the idea (theory/belief/hypothosis) that the bible was written by many people over many, many years. It is not a repudiation of the bible, or belief's held therein. This isn't meant to disuade you from being religious, nor is it meant to make you religious. Just very interesting information.

1421
by Gavin Menzies

The Chinese discovered the world about seventy years before Columbus even set sail. Though this theory isn't quite recognized by Western academics, it is a pretty solid held belief in Asia. Believe it, don't believe it, either way, you'll learn the world has a lot more craziness in it than you previously were led to believe.

Longitude
by: Dava Sobel

A short history as to how Longitude was invented, and the little guy who did it who never got any credit. More British history than anything else. And if you like this book, for extra credit I'd check out Dava Sobel's other non-fictions.

The Radioactive Boyscout
by Ken Silverstein

A crazy true story about a boy, his disfuntional family, his love of nuclear power, and how he almost created a nuclear disaster in his own back yard. Learning about nuclear science and how to build a nuclear reactor in your own back yard with common household items was never this much fun.


There you go. Now you'll have things to talk about during your next boring cocktail party. And You're Welcome

Notes from the underbelly

Stomach's a' rumblin'. I gots to get me some food.

Of course it's never as bad as it's imagined

Spoke to my folks about J_. Like I predicted they aren't happy, but unlike I feared, they are much more accepting and polite about the relationship. They aren't accepting in they way that they are supportive, but they aren't blowing up about the whole thing. It was a calm talk where they both were more angry about the lying than the relationship itself - well, sorta. Of course the lying was going to be the issue, I knew that, and we dealt with it like mature people. My father is, well, to put it nicely, displeased about as much in the relationship as he was with the lying. To his credit he's refrained from preaching to me about inter-dating, and now asks about J_ in a sincere manner (because he is sincere). My mother, contrary to any comments Jason might have made last post, is at least feigning supportiviness. She isn't doing it very well, but she's trying which is very nice, and more than I feel I deserve after lying to them for so long (though I really only feel guilty for getting caught since I was planning on telling them just not yet, as if the situation happened all over again I'd still probably do the same thing - does that make me a bad person?). They've also said that they want to invite J_ over for a friday night dinner this summer. Friday Night is a thing. It's the Sabbath Meal. My pops being a rabbi this is a proper (though not at all formal) family meal. We all sit down together, eat a big meal, and do the appropriate rituals one is supposed to do for the sabbath meal. It's not a huge deal to invite J_ to friday night, but it's a much bigger deal to invite her for Friday over any of the other nights of the week.

So, my thoughts currently. I was taking to a freind about the relationship, and the folks, on both sides. On J_'s side, her brother doesn't like me much, but mostly due to the age gap. And I can respect that, even if I don't like that he doesn't like me. Her mom doens't like me because I'm "too small and I have bad vibes." Not an exact quote, but that is how I've been informed that she doesn't like me (at least that's how J_ put it). I have a harder time respecting this, only because it's a bit vague and I think is just masking other prejudices that she isn't going into, or at least that J_ isnt' telling me. But I respect her Mom, because she's her Mom, and if we ever talk I think I can win her over - someday. Regardless, in her family I'm the negative aspect in the disaproval.

In my family, my siblings have no problems with J_, at least not that they have told me. They are neutral, mostly because they haven't really hung out with her. Asaf, who I think might have spoken to her the most seems to like her. My folks don't approve of the relationship because she isn't Jewish. But they don't hold that against her. It's me they disaprove of because I'm dating a non-jew. The Non-Jew in question; once they meet her they'll probably really like her. So once again, though this time in my family, I'm the negative aspect in the disaproval.

Not very cool.

But what can you do?

like a pretzel twisting itself into more knots

I got sun bunred yesterday. All along my arms. It really sucks. It made sleeping difficult becuase everytime I'd move and and anything would rub up against them it'd hurt.

But that's really not the big deal. I've kinda, sorta, a little bit, been lying to my folks about J_. And by kinda, Sorta, A little bit, I mean I have most definately been lying to my parents. I've been living at home for far too long (can't seem to get a job - which is a whole other rant) and am forced to tell my folks of my comings and goings. Not so much because they are really strict or anything, just that in the course of a conversation they'd ask, "where are you going?" But only if I was going somewhere.

I haven't told them about J_ because I didn't want the tsuris (the headache) of explaining to my parents (one a rabbi, the other a jewish educator) that I was dating a non-Jew (J_ is chinese, and mildly a buddist). They are pretty much on my case about, well the rest of my life, and this was just one more thing I didn't want to have to deal with. The plan, at least in my head, was that I'd tell them if it got serious enough beteen me and J_ (which it kinda has) and once I did get a Real Job. That way, there would be less to nag me about, and I'd be able to move out of the house. It was going to be on my terms, in my somewhat passive aggressive sort of way. Sure it wasn't the best plan, but it was a plan that made me feel better about lying to my parents (which I've been feeling guilty of for almost as long as I've been lying).

I'm up in Syracuse right now where I stayed with J_ for the weekend. My mom called. Amtrak called my house - because I gave them my home number when I reserved my ticket back - and told them that my train from Syracuse was going to be an hour and a half late. So my mom calls me and says, "You lied to us." Which is possibly the worst way to wake up ever. I told them I was going to see freinds in Boston this weekend. Then she gave me the train info and the number who to call. She was very pleasant over the phone, didn't even sound angry, which to be honest, makes me feel even worse.

So that cat is mostly out of the bag. And not only do I feel like a heel for lying for so long (I mean i felt like a heel while I lied, it's just worse that my lie was forced into the open instead of me taking charge and doing it myself) - well, I don't have a second thing. Now my life is going to get both easier and harder.

The worst part is, and it's something I deserve, and something that mekes me feel like I'm in high school all over again, they won't be able to trust me when I tell them anything in regards to my comings and goings, which is in turn going to make living at home hard for all of us.

Guilt and anxiety suck.

Apathy is the best part of me (but only 'cause it rhymes)

Because nothing on the internet (or interwub as Jeffrey Rowling likes to say) is really new, I can't imagine anyone finding this through me, but just in case.

Go here, watch, laugh, cry.

Or don't. Whatever, it's up to you.

On the state of my thoughts

There was a job I wanted. I didn't get it. It kinda sucks. This is a pretty boring entry, but I still don't know what I really want this blog to be about. It may just turn back into what it was before, but I almost feel like that would be counter productive. Either way, I'm thinking about turning comments off, because as it stands I only have one reader left after my haitus (Hi Rawbean).

So if I'm doing this for me (and why would I be doing this for me on the internet? if it's just for me shouldn't it be completely private?) why do I need comments in the first place?

Decent questions, perhaps I'll come up with some answers.

Probably not though.

giving this a shot

I've been absent. I realized the that I didn't have much to say, and I don't know if I really want to continue blogging at all, though I figure I'll give this a bit of a go; but I think changes are in store.

I just don't know what they are yet.

Grumpy McGrumperson

I can't write. I've stared at this blank space for almost a half an hour trying to come up with a good start and have come up with nothing. I hate my writing. I read it and its so awful it makes me gag. I'm not speaking specifically about my blog, just of my writing in general. I hate it. I really do. I find it trite, cliche, and above all else, extremly superficial. And not in a good Andy Warhol, Jasper Johns "clever" superficiality sort of way - just devoid of meaning or real interesting content (which you might feel about Warhol and Johns to begin with, but still, you get my point).

The whole kit and kaboodle, it really sickens me that I could have once thought it any good. The by product of this distaste with my work (which creeps up every six months or so) is utter self-loathing that I've wasted so much of my time on this garbage. And it isn't just any self-loathing, it's the worst kind: the pitying, self-indulgent, needy, annoying, self-loathing.

Anyway, it's all garbage, and I can't get anything out right. Even now, as I type I want to go back and rewrite this post, only I know that it won't be any better, no matter how hard I try.

So boo this, I'm done until I'm not.

Stinktastic

I am the epitome of lame. I've been home for four days after visiting Syracuse (which was freaking freezing) and I just now started doing my laundry. Why the wait, you may ask. Was it laziness (well, yes... but that's not the answer I'm really going for right now so I'm gonna say:)? No. Was it because my clothes smelled like J_ after absorbing the general smell from being in her room for five days, and I didn't want to wash it off? Yes.

I'm so freaking lame I hate myself right now.

Carry on then, nothing more to see here... not even any dignity.

Because you all really care what I think about trivial stuff (aka really lame post)

So maybe you don't really care what I think about trivial stuff. I don't know, but I haven't written in a while, and as I still have little to write about - by this of course I mean I have little I feel motivated about which to write - I shall now, in order to make this sentance ridiculously long, give you my thoughts on stuff; Hooray Stuff!

It's J_'s birthday on Thursday and I'm am bussing up to see her. I'm actually pretty excited about this, but at the same time a bit nervous as I have yet to buy her a birthday present (J_ if you are reading this, which I know you do sometimes, this is a lie, and I totally already bought a gift that I put a lot of forsight into, and you can skip to the next paragraph). I was gonna get her a Hamsa Necklace from here but the only ones I really liked (and can afford) are yellow gold and J_ doesn't really like yellow gold - and I also decided I didn't really want to go with Jewlery, so now I don't know and am running out of time.

I'm thinking of getting new glasses.

I don't like non-dairy cheese. Philisophically I have nothing against it, I just don't like it.

My script on Triggerstreet has been nominated to be script of the month of Janurary. There are two other scripts in the running. I'd like to be proud of this, but really I've read past scripts that have won and let me tell you, it's not such an honor. It's fun to say, but ultimately meaningless. It doesn't so much tell me that I'm good, just that I don't suck as much as everyone else on the site - which I guess is something.

And there you go, a post for the sake of posting. Hopefully next time I'll have something interesting to write about.

Villany is wrong

I urge everyone in this great nation of ours (well, the world too I guess, but really I'm currently just concerned with the US of A at the moment) to stop doing evil. To stop comitting crimes.

The simple reason, it's not because of any moral, ethical, or religious imperitive; or even for some altruistic, "let's make this world a better place" nonsense. That's a suckers game. Simply put: I hate jury duty. And for my sake, so I never have to sit through another ridiculously long and boring day down at the court building, stop comitting crimes and getting into accidents. People out there who do bad deeds, get into car accidents, sue because you spilled coffee on yourselves, whatever, I really don't care what it is specifically, just stop doing it!

I've had jury duty before in Massachusetts, but apparenly in New York being called to Jury duty means you become five years old once again. Not only are the same things explained over and over again, in a tremendously condescending tone - nearly ad nauseum - explaining what we are supposed to do, why jury duty is important, how we should do what we should do, when to eat, when to go to the bathroom, where to go, and what we are supposed to do when we get there - but it seems that mentally the potential jurors regress to a five year old mentality. Not only do they ask a continuous stream of the same questions over and over about the dumbed down instructions ("go to room 384". "raise your hand if I call your name", "Don't raise your hand if I call someone else's name", "Jury duty is important for freedom/justice/the american way") but they whine constantly. Oh my god the whining. Suck it up people. If you have to be there, try not to make it umbearable for everyone else.

I'm a noid

This is just a quick angry post. I got in trouble at work today because I did exaclty what my boss asked me to do. It was the wenesday before the office closed for break (the 20th). My boss called as I was walking out the door. I didn't even have to answer the phone, but being the dutiful employee I am, I did. She (having left for vacation already, calling me from CA on her way to Mexico) asked me to send a book to a reader. So quickly I called some readers, found the first one available, and then, ran the book in an envelope to the office mail center for it to be mailed out - just as she requested me to do. I asked how to send it, she said mail it. So I did. I followed the instructions to the letter.

Now the book never arrived on time, and the reader went away for the holiday. Because she asked me to send the book and not a copy of the book as per usual, we don't have the coverage we want, nor do we have the book to send to someone else. So I got the talk about why I mailed it instead of messengered it over, why I didn't find someone else, and so forth, when all I did was do exactly as she asked me too. So now I have to run around town, get the book from one place to another to get another reader, and look stupid to everyone involved - for something that isn't my fault at all.

when it's my fault I can deal with it because lord knows I screw up sometimes (and when I do I admit it). This time though, it wasn't my fault and yet I get the blame anyway.

Life is annoying.

On a plus note, I can't wait until this weekend when I finally get to take a vacation. Albiet only three days in a row, but that's two more days in a row than I've had since I can't remember when. Me and my sweetie in a B&B in Providence, RI. It should be sweet.

now wii're cooking!

Last night at work I came up with the next really big game for the Nintendo Wii. If this game ever comes out I want you all to say that I came up with it first - even if no one asks about it. You should just go up to strangers and say that this guy Amichai came up with this idea (blank amount of time) ago. And when they say "Who are you and why are you in my house?" You should reply, "Yeah, I know, it's totally awsome! Pass broccoli please." That last bit is for your health, because I don't think any of you are eating enough greens. You'll thank me later.

What is this big hit, I know you're wondering? Iron Chef the video game. Using the motion sensitive Wii controler you must chop, stir, season, bake, drizzle, dice, fry and blend your way to the perfect meal in under one hour. It's a cooking lesson (as all recipe options one uses in the game can be done in real life) and a competitive video game all in one. Play against the computer, against a freind, against a stranger online. Whose cuisine will reign supreme?

It's the next level of gaming for kids and adults of all ages who aren't interested in traditional video games.

Only problem is I don't think it'll be compatible with Nonny's gaming vest.

Blogs, apparently, are not worthless (wow)

Ask and ye shall receive.

A little while ago I posted this.

My pal Charlie who reads this blog occasionally (unbeknownst to me until very recently) went out - by which I mean followed my link - and actually got me the t-shirt. So Charlie Rocks!

Charlie rocks anyway, she's just rocking harder right now. If any body else wants to rock as hard as Charlie, I'd be happy to inform you of the other things I want that you can purchase for me from the comfort of your own computer.

Next on my list, I realize after reading many comments that I unintentionally mislead many of you in my last post. I was confused at first when I read the comments, then, upon re-reading my post, I realized the problem. The previous post was not actually a dream I had. I was bored at work and was playing around and wrote that as a little prose poem, or dialogue for something yet to be written, or a prelude to a short story also yet to be written, or I don't know why, I was just bored. The beginning of "I had a dream..." was a mistake (as it works for the fiction of the poem/dialogue/prelude to a short story, just not the regular accounting of my life via this blog).

Though based on some of the comments, I don't know this makes me less weird now you know it's not actually a dream I had, or more weird as this is the sort of stuff I think about on my own, fully conscious.

And finally, I have become addicted to the game Snood. I can't stop playing it. I should be doing all sorts of other work, but instead I am playing snood. If you don't know snood, I recommend not finding out because it's insanely addictive. And if you know snood, then you know my problem.

Glad I straightened out the record. Readers (all five of you out there) be good to your neighbors, you never know who is secretly a psycho-killer bent on revenge for the horrid injustice of the world. Or, as a wiser man than me once said "Love your neighbors as you love yourselves, just choose your neighborhood carefully."

Sweets before bed

I had a dream where I was the king of all marshmallows, only there was an attempted violent coup d'etat with military backing from the neighboring ocean of swedish fish. This of course led to war. I fought them as hard as I could with my army of gumdrop armed marshmallow men and women (as all my dreams exist in a perfect egalitarian world). The battlefield was strewn with the dismembered remains of gummy and marshmallowy guts. Sweet syrupy sugar blood carmilized the killing grounds tan.

In the end we were conquered by the swedes and I was forced to abdicate my licorice throne. They kept trying to put me to death, but my flesh and bone body was far too strong for their toffee gullitine.

Instead they decided to drown me in a tank of butterscotch, where the gooey liquid would congeal around me like amber over a fly, and I'd be put on display as the only man ever to rule over candy - their once and future king.

A Cat-tastrophy

I don't know if there is an equivelent of "Cat Lady" for guys, but I have a strong feeling/fear that if there is I will be said "Cat Guy" (which shouldn't be confused with the lame Batman villan Cat-man - a not quite third rate knock-off of Catwoman - though Gail Simone has done some great things actually making him an interesting character, but I digress).

I was walking home from my father's synogogue on Friday night and this kitten, an adorable sivler colored kitten, starts following me home. It was dying for attention and I would have guessed it to be someone's pet - being that it was so comfortable with people. Only it didn't have a collar so it was a stray (or at least a house cat that accidently escaped and now didn't know what to do). I really, really (I can't stress this enough) wanted to take the cat home and adopt it, because it was so cute and needy and cute. Only I my folks already have two cats and there isn't room for any more (well there is, but they don't want another one).

Which makes me scared for when I have a place of my own again ( I miss having my own place) that I'll adopt stray cats left and right. And I know I will too. I'm going to grow up and be the scary guy on the block with hundreds of cats going to and fro through my house/apartment/shack/tent/cardboard box. It's scary, but I know it's gonna happen.

Also, the era of internet tests has yet to come to a close. Behold, a test to determine my political beliefs:

You scored as Democrat. <'Imunimaginative's Deviantart Page'> Democrat 92% Green 83% Anarchism 67% Socialist 50% Communism 50% Republican 8% Nazi 0% Fascism 0% What Political Party Do Your Beliefs Put You In? created with QuizFarm.com

This is actually the second time I took it. The first time it said I was 8% nazi, which didn't make my sense to me at all. I may be many things (actually I am many things) but Nazi is definitely not one of them.

I think it's because I answered I was a little racist. Which is true. I think everyone is a little racist, or prejudiced or whatever you want to call it. It's human nature to be suspicious of people who are different. I'm not saying everyone is a (instert skin color, race, religion ect. here) supremicist, just that everyone has a natural inclination towards homogeny. It's why you get neighborhoods like Little Italy, or Chinatown, or The Lower East side (at least back in the early 20th century when it was mostly Jewish) in New York. And there isn't anything wrong with that. As long as you don't let it control you, you'll be fine. But to claim outright that there isn't prejudiced bone in your body is just lying to yourself.

Ok, rant over.

And I still insist I'm not even the slightest bit a nazi.

(also, I don't get the whole 67% anarchist, but I'm not gonna get into it. It's really a stupid test, but as devoted readers know, I love 'em).

Happiness = breakdancing robots

Really, when you boil it down what can possibly be better than Breakdancing Transformers?

Could it possibly be Monkey punching dinosaurs? What about cats that look like hitler? Are either of those better?

I don't know, it's really hard to top Breakdancing Transformers.

But if anything can it's gotta be this hideous, evil, yet hilarious, and very wrong Blog.

Thanks to Merc, and Dorothy for having these links on their pages for me to steal.

Brain drippings

It's official, I want to add this t-shirt to the list of things I want:


I mean come on, how cool is this? Take that you emo bastards!

Also, I have some a website for you kiddos to check out and love (if you don't already).

Overheard in New York Sometimes I can't believe the things that happen in this city, and sometimes I get nervous I'll wind up on this site.

And now I shall leave with with the religious thought of the day. As the Lord once said: "Be Fruitfull and multiply." Alright you heathens, you heard the Lord, go out there and get your groove on, it's a religious imperitive.

I think I might be running out of things to say

I'm hoping this one is pretty self-explanatory.

Have A Happy Thanksgiving

Or for any international readers:

Have A Happy Thursday.

Just because (or, it's late, I'm bored, and I don't want to go to sleep yet)

So I was really bored at work this past week and my work buddy at Tribeca (my fellow intern) said I should create a Myspace page. I think Myspace is utterly ridiculous and very, very inane. But, I was bored, and she was insistent, mostly because she too was bored and wanted something to read (assuming I'd come up with something clever for my Myspace page). So now I have a myspace page. It's really lame, and I don't plan on really doing anything with it. I'm just keeping it until said buddy/fellow intern gets bored with it and then I'll take it down. I only mention this out of a interest of full disclosure, so no one thinks I'm hiding anything, I’m letting you know of my newest secret embarrassment (yes I am embarrassed, I now - albeit temporarily - have become a myspace person. Grahh!).

Luckily however, I shall not be alone in my embarrassment. Below you'll find a video of the aforementioned co-worker. As you'll notice she has a strange obsession with one of the dances from an older iPod commercial. This is actually her (I took it from her Myspace page) not some random video I found, so keep your minds out of the gutter. Don't worry though, she wears more at work.




Final note: J_ recently said that she thinks I should stop blogging about my daily adventures and devote this blog to essays/articles about pop culture and such (probably reviews of movies/comics/tv/ ect. As well). I don’t' think I really have the background to do this competently, and I said I probably wouldn't do that. Only the more I think about it, the more I wonder. I wonder how it would affect the few readers that I have if I did in fact change this blog? Would it be a change you'd all appreciate or something you'd rather not read? I can't say that I'd change my mind based on any of your thoughts, as J_ does have the most sway, I'm just curious what you all think.

All right, carry on then....

Why I am super cool!!!!

This weekend I...

Saw Borat in the theater (matinee showing).

Watched all six episodes of FLCL on DVD.

Watched Chumscruber on HBO.

Rented then watched Inside Man.

Rented and played God of War. (more hours this weekend spent playing this game then sleeping)

Read all four collections of Grant Morrison's run on the comic series Doom Patrol (can't find a good link to explain what this is).

And save seeing Borat I did this all by myself, alone, never actually leaving my couch save for food, bathroom and sleep.

I'm the coolest!!!!

Do you ever...

...Compose your blog entry in your head during the day while whatever you want to blog about is still happening, then forget it when you get home and get angry even though it's only a silly blog?

...Leave a single cookie left in the cookie jar/package/dish/ect. because you don't want to be the one to throw away or clean up said jar/package/dish/ect.?

...Pretend you don't have change when a homeless person asks you for change, because you think you might actually need or deserve those fifty-three cents more than the person with no home?

...Have gay sex dreams (or if you're gay, have straight sex dreams) and even though you aren't gay (or straight) you still find yourself aroused upon waking?

...Walk into doorposts and glass windows because you just aren't paying attention?

...Feel the urge to stand up in the middle of a street with a big sign that says "JESUS SAVES: BUT ONLY WHEN HE OPENS AN ACCOUNT AT CHASE MANHATTAN BANK."?

...Feel bad that you can name Disney's seven dwarfs*, but have no idea who the Mercury Seven are** (let alone being able to name all seven of them***)?

...Wonder why we learn all about Neil Armstrong****, but are never taught about Yuri Gagarin*****?

...Wear underwear that is clearly dirty, just because you are too lazy to do your laundry?

...Sing the wrong lyrics to a song, then try and play it off like you did that on purpose?


Yeah, I don't do those things either.


*Sleepy, Dopey, Sneezy, Happy, Grumpy, Bashful, and Doc
**The first seven American Men in Space (they went up in the Mercury Missions)
***M. Scott Carpenter, L. Gordon Cooper, John Glenn Jr., Virgil "Gus" Grissom, Walter Schirra, Alan Shepard, Donald "Deke" Slayton
****First man on the Moon
*****First man in space (he was Russian, which is why he's left out of American text books)

Eye candy

I was going to post this on my site, because I thought it was Awesome (with a capitol A), but I figured it'd be best if I directed you to Amber's blog because with or without this video, her site is very much worth reading.

Anyway, if you want to see the best would be Snickers commercial ever (and you really really do) click the Snickers.



Trust me. It's Snickertastic.

Why is this week taking so long?

I don't know what it is, but I feel like I've lived entire lifetimes in between the passing of the days. This is like the week that eternity built. Whatever it is, I'm sick of it already. I want this week to be over.

Anyone who can tell me why the week is so slow (and it hasn't even been a bad week or anything) please, let me know, and don't forget to show your work. I won't accept any equations without seeing the work that got you there. E=MC2 just isn't gonna cut it for me.

Dear person in the office who never flushes the toilet after using it,

FLUSH THE GOD-DAMN TOILET.

It's distgusting.

And you better hope I don't find out who you are, because there are swirlies in your own filth in your future if I do.

That is all.

I hate Manure*

First bit of news: You just know it's gonna be a funtastic** day when your first moments at work is spent in the bathroom cleaning off the horse shit from your shoe. Stupid mounted Police. There should be a special squad dedicated to following the horses around and cleaning up the manure.

Though I guess it's a little bit my fault not watching where I was walking. I mean, it was a big steaming pile of shit in the middle of the sidewalk. How did I miss that? Seriously?

Second bit of news: I applied to my current dream job on Monday and I know that I'm not gonna get it; probably won't even get interviewed, though I'll be on edge for the next week or so. The job: Assistant Editor for DC Comics. It wasn't a random sending of Resume; they have that listed as a position they are trying to fill on their Job Listings on timewarner.com (that's the parent company). I also applied for an administrative assistant position for the creative services dept. at Marvel Comics (as listed on Monster.com). Not exactly my dream job, but one I'd snap up in a heartbeat. God, I need a real job. So keep your fingers crossed kiddos.

Third bit of news: For all you TV junkies out there. Why aren't you watching Battlestar Galactica? I just saw the third season Premier. Holy Jesus. Best Show On Television. It blew my mind. Take everything that's good about Lost, then take away all the annoying crap, then multiply it by ten and that's how good Battlestar is. If you like Lost, or any Lost styled show (Heroes, The Nine, ect.) then you really should be watching Battlestar. It's quite possibly the best, smartest, most suspenseful, action packed and thoroughly engaging show on TV outside of Deadwood. Nothing else I've seen so far this season has even come close to being as good as Battlestar. Watch it, you'll get hooked.



*Kudos to anyone who got this mildly obtuse refrence to Back to the Future. You're just as big as a dork as I am. Good for you.
**Funtastic = Fun + Fantastic. A portmanteaus word for those curious.

because I only blog about music for some reason

OK, that isn't really true but my horizons are being expanded and I've decided to share with all of you.

You ought to thank Dorothy (who still doesn't know about my secret crush) from Cat and Girl because I wouldn't have found this otherwise.

And now, here is my favorite song of the moment (who knows what it'll be tomorrow?).

Enjoy.

Oh, yeah, the band, it's a chinese band called My Little Airport. The song is a remix, but I like their regular stuff too (at least the stuff I was able to hear on their website).

I don't know whether to Laugh, Cry, or Crap my pants in sheer Terror

To all of you who wonders what the true face of evil looks like, I give you Prussian Blue.

Aren't they just adorable?

Aside from any other idealogical problems I might have, I have to admit, this article brings front and center a demon of mine I need to get out in the open. As one who wouldn't have been considered white forty years ago (and there still are country clubs I can't get into because they don't consider me white) I have also been concerned about the quality of white babies being in decline.

And if you are interested you can buy those cute smiley face t-shirts Here

Don't even get me started on what their band name is a reference to (also check under this wikipedia entry).

And for those of you who just can't get enough of those wonderful girls, I give you their Homepage. Revel in teenie bopper hitler folk rock insanity.

Now if you'll excuse me I have to decide whether to kill myself or kill everyone else. Frankly, based on my mood right now, I'm leaning towards the latter.

Dear jerks on the New Jersey highways who cut me off in the passing lane then slowed down

Don't Do That! God I hate New Jersey. It's a fine place to be from, but I honestly have no idea why anyone would want to live there.

So the internet in my house hasn't been working, which explains my absense from the blogosphere (grahh! I can't believe I actually used that term and that I am considering myself part of it. I think I might need this t-shirt from here - second one down). Anway, I'm back and good to go.

Stuff happened, but we move on. Saw J_ this past weekend. Visited her up at her college (Upstate NY - five hour drive). Felt very old when hanging out with one of her freinds who still needs to wear braces. It's funny, when I was there I had a very hard time falling asleep in her bed being that it was a dorm room bed and not nearly big enough for the both of us to sleep in comfortably. But when I got home, last night, I found I had an equally hard time falling asleep without her next to me. Irony abounds.


For those curious, the newest draft of my screenplay TALES FROM ATOM CITY has been uploaded on Triggerstreet.com. I plan on finding some compititions to send said script out to, only I wanted the feedback just to make sure that it is solid.

If you would like to read said script, I have found a way around the Triggerstreet system and just by CLICKING ON THIS LINK* you will be directed to an online pdf version of the script.

Once again, just CLICK ON THIS LINK**

This is a limited time offer. I plan on taking down the link in one week from today, just because I get to nervous having my work uploaded all over the place. It is a wga registered script (which is akin to getting it copywritten) but still, I get nervous. Thus, if you care to read it, and you are under no obligation to do so, I hope you enjoy.

Oh yeah, terms of note: INT.=Interior; EXT.=Exterior, I/E.=Both Interior and Exterior (the director gets to choose which parts of the convesation are filmed from which angle); MONTAGE = a series of shots juxtaposed to tell a larger story; (V.O)=Voice Over; (O.S)=Off Screen. And I think that's all you need to know. And for those curious, the general rule of thumb is one page in a script = one minute of screen time.

And I goofed on the title page. It says "Something into Nothing" which was the old working title. Tales From Atom City is the new working title. If any of you actually do read this, and have a brilliant idea for a real title, please let me know. I am crap when it comes to coming up with titles.

Cheers for now.

*Though it took me a while, I finally followed through on my threat (or reward depending on whether or not you liked the script) and the link has been taken down.
**See previous footnote.

Land of the Frozen North at Summertime

Right then.

As you have probably already learned from Rawbean's Rant I was in Winnipeg this past weekend. I was thinking about posting about my travels earlier in the week, yet found myself without the time to sit down and actually write it all down. This has been my first moment since returning home with the time and energy both to give a faithful account of my travels. So, without any further ado, here we go.

Outside of stories, one's life doesn't so much work in circles. Granted there are cycles that occur in life (as we all know history does repeat itself), but I am speaking more in lines of the circles one finds in works of fiction. The fact that I can bookmark this story, giving it a strange circular quality, both pleases and concerns me.

Regardless, it starts:

Seven fifteen Friday morning at LaGuardia airport I saw a woman who shouldn't be allowed to dress herself and then go out in public. Maybe five feet tops, wearing bright pink, yellow, blue and purple socks with "cute" cats and dogs sheathed in black rubber sandals. Her black pants, seemingly Capri, would fit like regular pants had she not worn them pulled up to her ribcage (thus making her ass seem as if it was the same length as her legs). Into the those pants she had tucked in a light pink cotton shirt. She was skinny, with short cropped grey hair, no older than sixty-five, no younger than fifty, with a very severe face - as if she was both frustrated and confused, not so much by anything specific but by the world around her - and all the time. I'm guessing she was a hippie back in the day and is now frustrated that the world has passed her by and who has yet to learn how to dress like a person.

This woman, who was taking her sweet time trying to figure out how to use the electronic check in machine, bothered me to no end. Each time she touched the electronic screen she hastily withdrew her fingers to her bosom, as if the machine would bite off the tips of her fingers if she lingered too long.

I just wanted to check my luggage and sit down. It was an early flight, and I'd been up since six thirty. I was already in a bad mood as I had been the day previous; J_ was already up in Syracuse for school having left Thursday morning. I figured this to be the start of a very long, long weekend.

The trip itself is uneventful otherwise. From LaGuardia to Toronto, and from Toronto to Winnipeg. We land (we = me and my mom) and we walk over to a different gate to meet up with my friend Jason. Then we (we=the three of us) walked over, picked up our rental car, and drove into the city.

Then the eating commenced, and it didn't end until my departure from Canada. First there was a dinner at the bride's house hosted by her parents. It was a small affair, the bride's immediate family, the groom's immediate family, and any other out of town guests (said out of town guests consisted solely of myself, Jason, and my mother). Dinner consumed, we realized it was time to drive to the Rabbi's house before the Sabbath started (my mother is more religious than I am and won't drive on the Sabbath).

Brief interlude: I was scared I'd be spending more money than I had on travel and accommodations. Luckily, however, there is a bond among Rabbis. My father was in the same graduating class as the local Rabbi in Winnipeg back when they both graduated from rabbinical school. Though they weren't ever really close, and though they hadn't really spoken in about twenty years or so, after receiving an e-mail from my mother he said "Of course you can stay with me." End interlude

The Rabbi's house was a bit of a mess (by bit read "extremely messy") but it's understandable, as he had just returned home from vacation and his children were both in the midst of getting ready to go back to college. In any case it was but the Rabbi and his eldest son home that weekend. They waited until the Sabbath to start the Sabbath meal and once again we ate dinner (that's two dinners on Friday night).

Saturday we went to services at the synagogue for the ufroof (a Jewish tradition where the groom - and now our more egalitarian times bride and groom - are called up to the the torah and say a special blessing on the Sabbath before their marriage) and stayed for the luncheon afterwards. It was nice, a few salads: egg, tuna, and Caesar; with of course the needed (it was a Jewish affair) bagels and cream cheese. I don't want to insinuate that I'm some sort of bagel snob, but I was very disappointed with Winnipeg bagels. They tasted less like bagels and more like regular bread just cut to look like a bagel. Still the bread they tasted like was good bread and I enjoyed my lunch. Unbeknownst to Jason, and me the Rabbi was having a lunch afterwards at his house and invited over a few more guests.

So back we went to the Rabbi's for a second lunch. I ate less of this lunch being it was Chili with Italian sausage. This second lunch ran long. The rabbi, a very friendly man, is also a man who enjoys a ritualistic formality. Before the meal we made kiddish (the traditional Jewish blessing over wine before Sabbath meals) over scotch instead of wine and took our time sipping our drinks and shmoozing. Then we moved onto a course of turkish salad, humus, and pita and Challah (a jewish egg bread which if you've never had, you're missing out). From there, when we finished those appetizers, we moved on to the main course, the previously mentioned chili and salad.

Lunch was a good two hours long, if not a bit longer, when my mother and I had to excuse ourselves early. The rehearsal dinner was at the Old Spaghetti Factory in the Forks, about three and a half miles away, and being that my mother won't drive on the Sabbath we decided to walk there, leaving at 3:30 an hour before the event was scheduled to start.

We were all warned that to walk from the Rabbi's house to the Forks we'd be walking through the bad part of town. The "dangerous" part of Winnipeg. Jason claims this is just me and my mom being NY snobs (something I took to offense being that I haven't even lived here a year, and regardless how long I live here, I will never really consider myself a New Yorker) that we thought comparatively, how dangerous could Winnipeg really be? I can't speak for all of Winnipeg all the time, but this particular "bad" area on main street through which we walked, was not dangerous at all - at least not at three-thirty in the afternoon under a clear blue sky and bright hot sun.

We got there a little late, but still before many people who were only staying in the hotel across the street, and about two hours after we finished our second lunch, began to eat our dinner.

After dinner we hung out in the forks until sunset (when the Sabbath ends) and then drove my mom back to the Rabbi's so she could meet up with friends she has in Winnipeg. At the Rabbi's house I then, feeling a bit nervous and awkward called Rawbean. And so we met at the Second Cup coffee shop in Osborne village. Osborne village = the small hipster area of Winnipeg.

For the record (specifically to those who do read Rawbean's rant): My name is pronounced pretty much how she said, only it isn't a soft H but a hard one, as if you had something caught in your throat. A bit guttural, very hebrew/arabic sounding. It's not that I prefer "Ami" (Ah-me) rather it's much easier for people to say. I can't really think of a single person who calls me by my first name, family included. I just generally sign my name "Amichai" because too often if I just write "Ami" people think it's a strange spelling of "Amy" and assume I'm a girl. I am not a girl (though I do enjoy watching "The Gilmore Girls" and "Grey's Anatomy"). And I don't have an accent, everyone else has an accent, I speak just fine. And I'm living in Queens, not Brooklyn, but that is really neither her nor there (well it's actually Here and not There, but you know what I mean).

Rawbean was nice, and it wasn't strange meeting her. Every so often it was odd realizing that this very nice Canadian girl behind the blog I read so often. But other than that it was a very pleasent evening, and a very chill way to spend my time after doing so much the previous two days.

The wedding the next day was nice, though Jason and I were seated and the strange cousins table. The wedding and reception both were held in the synagogue and was about 96 people total. There wasn't a lot of dancing going on and most people there were family, the bride's family to be specific. The groom had his immediate family there, an aunt, and me and Jason and my mom (and two of the groom's mother's friends who were also friends with my mom, all from the same town I grew up in).

And again we ate. And ate. And ate. There was a lot of food going on. We hung out, felt strange at the awkward cousins table, made more polite small talk than we ever felt we'd be capable of, and then retired to our hotel room. The Rabbi was off driving his son back to college so for our final night in Winnipeg we stayed at the Hampton Suites hotel on the recommendation of Rawbean (and it was very nice, so for that I must take this moment to thank Rawbean for her advice).

Jason and I were exhausted and we just dropped into our respective beds and watched Canadian television. Well actually we stopped on TBS and watched the Mummy, but it was in Canada so I'm gonna say it was Canadian television.

Four hours pass and it's time once again to head to the bride's family's house for a smaller after party for those who couldn't make the wedding (ie. weren't invited due to monetary reasons) and the out of towners who were still in town. We knew left overs would be served, but said left overs turned out just to be the desserts. Not so bad, so we ate dessert with out a dinner. It was a very nice time. The Brides' father grew up in some small farm in Saskatchewan and his whole family's idea of a good time is to sit around, pull out their instruments, and play bluegrass and country music. I'm told someone even yodels in Yiddish, but either it never happened or it only occurred after I left.

Still, for some reason feeling we needed to eat some more, Jason and I went back out to Osborn village and got some food at the Billabong.

Again, woke up early the following day to catch my flight. Delayed transferring in Montreal and finally arrived home around five o'clock on Monday afternoon.

There I stood, next to my mother waiting for our luggage to go around the little carousel at LaGuardia. My mother on her cell phone telling my father that we finally arrived. Bored, tired, cranky, lacking the constant flow of either food or activities thus reverting back to the missing of J_, I turned around. Who did I see standing behind me? None other than that strange woman who started the whole thing.

This time dressed far more sensibly. I couldn't help but smile and wave hello.

I kinda wish I had a camera so I could post pictures

Princess Pessimism once remarked that my life, i.e my blog - to her - reads like a movie. I don't know exactly how I feel about this, but now that thought is in the back of my mind as I write this post. (if you are curious why she thinks this, I believe said notion was derived from this post)

Movie or no, this weekend I took a trip with J_ to Boston. First because I missed the darn place, and second because J_ had never been to Boston previous. I had no car available to me that weekend thus we took the Chinatown Fung Wa bus. Simply put it's a bus that goes from Chinatown NY to Chinatown Boston (well South station Boston, though it used to go direct to Chinatown). It's reletivly nice, and it's only 15 bucks one way, cheaper than any other bus line that I know.

Once again traffic sucks. It took us five and a half hours to get from city to city, which is at least an hour and a half too long. Damn you again interstate 95 and your incessant construction. But we were smart enough to take the noon oclock bus and still arrived before dinner time.

The Plan: stay with my freind Jeff. Jeff's plan, help his freind Jim move into a brand new house (Yay for Jim, first time home owner!). Jeff wouldn't be back into the city until later that evening giving us ample free time. J_, having hated being cooped up for so long, insisted that we walk around for the next five and a half hours to make up for the five and a half hours spent on the bus.

I love Boston, I really do, which is why I had no problems walking around downtown and into some other neighborhoods. I decided she'll get a nice walking tour of my old stomping grounds, where I used to hang out.



Ok, we started at South Station, which is kinda where the big Route 93 icon is above Chinatown. We walked down Boylston through Chinatown, around and through the Commons and the Gardens, down Beacond street to Berkely, then back up Beacon, walking down Charles street through Beacon Hill. We then took Cambridge street up to Government center (City Hall) and through there to Faniuel Hall/Quincy Market. That was about two hours of walking so far. I shared stories about my dorm life at Emerson College (I lived at both 80 Boylston St. and 132 Beacon st. - which they don't have a picture of on their website for some reason). Told her the story and pointed out the spot where I was mugged on the Commons my sophmore year (it's actually a funny story, remind me to tell it sometime if I haven't already). I showed her my favorite Pizza place (Nino's on Charles St.) some of the really nice apartments I'll never be able to afford on Beacon Hill, and the various different spots in China town we used to hit (i.e. the ones that wouldn't card us before we were of age).

We kinda stalled out in Quincy Market. J_ was hit by sudden dehydration and felt miserable. Thus, we hung out in Quincy market for quite some time, watching the street performers, sitting down, while J_ drank many bottles of over priced bottled water, and I managed to get a little food in her (a fruit cup and some samosas).

From there we worked our way up into the North End. For those of you not familiar with Boston, the North End is the Italian neighborhood. I didn't normally go to the North End back when I lived in Boston only because the T (the subway system in Boston is called the T) doesn't go directly there.

As we walked down North street we heard music coming from up ahead. We suddenly found ourselves in the midst of the Fisherman's Madonna festival in the North End. The streets were blocked off to cars, and were lined with countless booths selling pizza, italian sauseges, fresh canoli and other italian pastries (though mostly canoli) and games and other odds and ends. In the center of it all, a big Italian cheesball and his band, playing all the favorite Frank Sinatra standards, and other modern jazz classics (I believe he covered a few songs by Harry Conick Jr. and a decent Cherry Poppin Daddies song as well). The streets were lit up, the music was up tempo, and it really was very nice. We completely lucked out.

We strolled the booths, J_ ate a very rich canoli made by a woman who goes no other name save "The Canoli Girl"; leading me to believe she is some sort of superhero, though at the same time forces me to wonder who her arch nemisis is, Marzipan Man?.

We walked around, ate, and (yes this is corny) even danced to the music of "Sweet Caroline" on the street. I wish I could say other people were also dancing, but we were the only ones that I saw. We were just fooling around, having some fun. It was pretty sweet. Good times, Good times.

We adjurned to Jeff's place, taking the T (the B green line) from Government center to Packards corner (on the map below it's where Brighton Ave grows out of Commonwealth Ave).



That really was the best night. The next day we walked around cambridge. I'd relate it to you, but it's pretty uneventful and I'm too lazy to go into details now, especially reading over what I have so far, I realize that this is pretty boring if you weren't there with me. Still, we walked around harvard, down then across the river, walking up Storrow Dr. Then back over the River onto River street straight to Central Square. From Central we too the bus up Prospect and down Hampshire to Inman Square and got Dinner at Buckowski's (good eats, great beer selection). Then we took the bus home.

The end. I had a great time and even though I did a horrid job relating it to anyone who might be reading (and if you've even got this far I'm sorry to have put you through all this).

On another note, the shirt J_ had made for me (the one I'm wearing in my avatar) is up for Neighborhoodie of the week at Neighborhoodies.com. You should all go to this site:
http://neighborhoodies.com/catalog/notw_vote.php
Right now and vote for it. Remember, vote early and vote often and we just might have a chance for this meaningless title. Tell your freinds.

I am a mother pheasant plucker

I'm all for a cease fire, and for peace in the middle east and all that Jazz. I really am. I am not going go all Political here - mostly because I don't have access to the sources I want to reference, and I can't put out any info without the proper sources to back said info up.

Thing is, and this is the part that is really fucking my shit up, in all the talks for a cease fire, and all the war protests I've read about in the papers, why is no one even talking about the release of the kidnapped Israeli soldiers that blew up this powederkeg?

And what ever happened to that kid (yes I know he is a soldier, but I don't think he's even 20 yet) who was kidnapped in Israel and is being held in Gaza?

What the fuck is wrong with the world?

But good. There is now a cease fire. But what's the next step?

Things that amuse me

This is not photoshoped. These melons do exist. They're real, and they're amazing.

Oh those crazy Brits. Honestly I just don't get the idea of royalty. It just seem so anachronistic.

Because everything's funnier when it involves testicals. Don't try to deny it, you know this to be true.

And speaking of testicals, if you don't believe me about the melons then you are definitely not going to believe this.

And last but not least, for your viewing pleasure (and yes I know this has been around for a while, but I just learned about it) I give you my new Hero:




That is all, be entertained, and be happy.

Mystic-fied

This past weekend I took a short trip just to get out of the city with J_. I took my folks car (with their permission of course) picked J_ up from Starbucks and off we headed from Douglaston, Queens, up to Mystic, Connecticut.

First off, traffic sucks. We got a late start and managed to leave around 2 in the PM. First off, the mix CD I made didn't work. I accidentally made an MP3 CD which wouldn't play in my regular CD player. So that blew. And then J_'s iPod decided not to work and that also blew. J_ doesn't so much like a lot of my CD's because my music isn't very happy (a good deal of indie rock, and we all know how happy Death Cab or Neutral Milk Hotel and the Dresden Dolls really are).

I shall list the tracks of the mix CD here as I put some time and effort into it, and, though it isn't the best mix CD, it is happy music (mostly) and I want to share. If I knew how to upload the music itself I'd do that, but I don't know how, you'll have to be satisfied with the song titles instead.

1. The Yeah Yeah Yeah Song - The Flaming Lips
2. Mambo Sun - Eszter Balint (covering the Marc Bolan original)
3 ? (I don't know, it's some ska song I stole from my brother's computer, it was untitled)
4. Lupin the 3rd - The Tokyo Ska Jazz Orchestra
5. Circles (live bootleg) - Soul Coughing
6. Comfort Eagle - Cake
7. The Peter Gunn Theme song - Henry Mancini
8. Jaan Pehechan Ho - Mohammad Rafi (from the Ghost World Soundtrack)
9. Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained - Huang Sheng Yi, Raymond Wong, Lin Xi (from the Kung Fu Hustle Soundtrack)
10. Summer: III Presto - Vivaldi
11. Coin-Operated Boy - The Dresden Dolls
12. Angle with an Attitude - The Ditty Bops
13. God is a DJ - Pink (Don't judge me people! It's happy music)
14. Soft Revolution - the Stars
15. I wish I was a Punk Rock Girl (with flowers in my hair) - Sandi Thom
16. (Love is) What I Got - Sublime
17. Stuff that I like - Brak (From the Brak show on Cartoon Network)
18. Rockin' the Suburbs - Ben Folds
19. Dreaming of You - The Coral
20. Someone to Watch Over Me - Ella Fitzgerald.

So instead we listened to some Israeli 90's rock I had (a great band called Monica Sex which has since broken up - boo!). Then the radio. The ride, which really shouldn't have been more than three hours, took a little over four hours of bumper to bumper traffic. Grah interstate 95!

When finally got to our hotel (Cedar Park Whirlpool Suites - our room was not as nice as those pictured) I was a little nervous as the exterior really isn't the nicest in person. But it turned out to be a really nice, cozy place to stay. The staff was great and friendly, and even the other guests were nice. So that was a nice surprise.

We wanted to walk around Mystic but alas, it was raining, thus we we went straight for dinner.

As I hadn't done any real research on where to eat or anything like that, we just stopped at the first nice place we saw. This happened to be the "Seaman's Inn" (and because you are all upstanding readers I shall refrain from all the horrible dirty puns I shot, rapid fire, at J_ while we were parking). It was right by the Seaport, and had Tofu Pad Thai as the vegetarian option.

Note to anyone traveling anywhere. Maybe it's because I'm spoiled having lived in Boston, and now in NY, but I'm used to good Pad Thai. For future reference, don't order Pad Thai from a New England pub known for it's fresh seafood and chowder. It's just a bad idea. Pad Thai should only be consumed from real Thai restaurants, and that's all I'll say on that matter.

We managed to find a Starbucks (every time I think I'm out they pull me back in) and found they had all sorts of pastries we don't get. We ordered our drinks and then took a walk around the very small shopping center where the Starbucks was found. I lucked out and found a Van Heusen store with a huge sale. I got a really nice shirt and tie for only twenty bucks total, which is pretty outstanding in general, and even more so compared to most sale prices I see here in the city. NY is so freaking expensive.

We drove back to the Hotel, watched the end of Monk, and the new show Psych on USA. Psych is really a poor man's Monk. It's cute but not nearly as good.

Anyway, aside from the fact that I'm horrid in bed, there really is nothing more to tell you about until the following morning.

We slept in and missed the complimentary breakfast, which kinda sucked as I didn't want to go out and try and find a good breakfast place somewhere else.

We spent the morning in a huge tourist trap of sixty shops in an area set up to look like an old New England Village. If you ever go to Mystic it isn't worth your time.

Then it was off to the Mystic Aquarium. Here is what I learned at the aquarium (which really is pretty nice, though a bit small, on the plus side most of it is outdoors):
- Poison Dart Frogs get their names because natives would rub darts on the frogs to get the poison mucus secreted by the frog onto the darts.
- Sea Horses use their tails to grab onto seaweed and such to prevent being washed away by the current.
-Sea Horses have a series of rigid circular bones that keeps them upright as they swim.
-Many Bats aren't blind; some even have better vision than humans.
- The Electric Eel can release an electric charge with enough energy to bake a pie and do a load of wash in the dryer simultaneously.
- Beluga Whales use the weird dome thing on their head to make the many sounds they make to communicate.
- Sea Lions are a lot bigger than I though they were (weighing up to 2500 pounds).

I think that might be it. Also, if you are walking around under the sun for a long time, wear sunscreen. Technically I knew this already, but I wasn't wise enough to actually use said knowledge to my advantage that day.

After the Aquarium we headed straight to Friendly's. Why Friendly's you may ask instead of say, a local restaurant? Well screw you! I don't need to answer your questions. Stop Judging Me!

Really though, I grew up on Friendly's, it was a huge part of my childhood, and J_ had never in her life been to one. Thus, Friendly's - at least in my mind - was an imperative.

Full of ice creamy goodness, we headed towards the seaport, which we then learned closed at five (the time was 4:40).

Since we had plenty of time to kill (we were in no rush to go home) we headed into downtown.

Gosh darn if that isn't what we should have done first. For some reason I thought the cheesy faux New England village was the downtown. I was wrong. The Downtown was much nicer. We walked around, checked out the shops, hung out at a park by the docks on Mystic River, and walked around some more through the general neighborhood checking out the old (well mid-1800's old) houses. They were really nice.

The neighborhood goes up a hill from the river. At the top of the hill there is a nice senior retirement community. Actually, I don't know how nice the community really is, but it sure looked nice. So nice we thought about cutting through the "emergency" path located on the side downwards, just to check out the nice lawn and such. We opted out of the shortcut in order to see more houses as we snaked our way back down towards the river.

We ambled further down the hill and saw a nice family owned funeral home. I thought to myself it would be funny in a movie or something if the "emergency" path from the retirement home led down to the Funeral Home. It's a bit dark, but J_ thought it was pretty funny. That is until we learned the truth: the "emergency" path really did lead down from the retirement home down to the funeral home. It was marked clear as day on the funeral home side. Feeling really bad, and cracking up at the same time, I wondered if the person was already dead, why was the path labeled "emergency"? It seems like once they are dead there are no emergencies anymore. Emergencies are the privilege of the living. Once you're dead, you have all the time in the world.

We almost got a slice at Mystic Pizza just because it was Mystic Pizza, even though J_ had never seen the movie Mystic Pizza. Sometimes I forget how young she really is. But we were full and went without.

Sun set, it was too cloudy to see stars, so we drove home.

The drive home took two hours.



Unrelated; I don't know if any of you have heard, but apparently it is rumored that Heath Ledger will play the Joker in the next Batman movie. I haven't figured out how I feel about this yet. Thoughts always welcome.

That is all, you may now resume your lives.